Catch Up Rambles

I haven't been here in a while, well, I've stopped in, but not had the time to post. Life is a little busy around this place.

It's a lot like what another blogger said yesterday. When you homeschool, that comes first. And so we're school focused these days, even though it's hard. But all of life is hard. If you really stopped and thought about it all the time, every last bit of it is hard or uncomfortable, especially if it is something worth while.

Last night I was writing in my sleep. It was a funny thing. I kept waking up and thinking to myself, I have to remember this so I can write it tomorrow. That line is so good, I have to remember it. Today, all I remember is that I needed to remember.

While I was in Texas, I was able to spend whole hours writing things. Now that I'm home, it seems silly. When I left Texas, I put those notebooks into my bag, stepped onto the plane and flew out of a dream and into my real life. My notebooks are still in the bag, shoved under the bed. I wanted to come home and continue, reading, writing and exercising. So far, I've continued to read. I know, it's better than nothing.

Here's how it really is.

Autism leaves a fingerprint on a child, but it leaves a footprint on a family.

Just when you think you've calmed it to a manageable roar, it goes wild again. You're heart breaks for your child all over again. You become the determined healer of your child again. You stop all the other extras in life and simply do what ever it takes. You spend the money. You make the sacrifices. You measure out all the meds and convince him to take them.

You do what you have to do.

You remember the goal.

The best education you can give him with the least outside pain.

Now, I don't mean sheltering him or keeping him in a bubble, but certainly I do mean not sending him off to be the scapegoat, the target for the bully, the recipient of all school yard taunts and pranks. I do mean to give him the idea that he is capable, even if the greater world thinks perhaps he isn't anything more than a trouble maker. I want him to learn to believe in himself, his abilities and to like himself.

It's hard, this parenting job. Last night, I rolled over in bed and said to The Mr., "Why has God given me these kids?" I'd like an easy job instead.

God knows something I don't. He always does. I'll just rest in knowing I've said yes when I was asked.