Life Is Built On Relationships

Life is built on relationships. The whole game of it is to keep them in balance.

The balance of having enough give and take, enough trust and honesty. There is a balance of emotions, caring and compassion.

For some people, I think this is something that comes naturally. For others I think it never crosses their minds, and then I think there are some of us who are constantly thinking it over.

It's that whole mental conversation of did I do or say the right or wrong things, did I give enough or too much. Where is my line of involvement? How much is too much or too little? Do I value this person and this relationship enough to figure the whole thing out?

As a Christian this all starts from the top down. Our most important relationship is with the Lord. It is the one that holds us accountable and forces us to be in a continual state of examination. It's those corny questions we hear, would you do or say that very thing if Jesus were standing next to you?

Well, lets face it. That's a great question to use in all relationships. Would you do or say that particular thing about that person if they were there in the room with you? Would you say those things about your spouse or kids if they were sitting next to you? Would you share your best friends secrets with someone else if she were standing there watching you betray her trust?

How about the balance levels? There seems to be a logical and necessary hierarchy in relationships in our lives. As a Christian, your deepest intimacy must be with God. Then your next deepest intimacy is with your spouse. Then comes the kids, then the best friends or close family, then the next tier of friends, then acquaintances and Dr.'s, and on it goes down the line. Not many people would say it's otherwise. There are all those reports all the time about how a marriage would be in better condition if the spouses put each other before the kids. That whole thought of you're married first, a parent second.

The real trick can be in maintaining this balance. Sometimes these levels of intimacy are in a state of flux. In reality I think to a certain degree, they are always in flux. Life is not static, my friends. It ebbs and flows just like the tides pulled by the moon. There are times when your need to share things doesn't follow the intimacy hierarchy, but those are the times to be most aware.

I noticed myself being less than aware and present in the relationship game yesterday. A friend was sharing with me the awful, heart wrenching life and death struggles happening in her extended family. A series of cancer events touching the lives of this family and as I'm listening to her, I'm thinking about me. She finished talking, and I said the right things, I'll pray, and yet I confess, I was still thinking about me and my life. The next thing I hear is myself telling her my "troubles". I hear my own whine of foster care this and Autism that and all the while I'm thinking, this is crazy and selfish and petty. She has real struggle and heartache in her life right now, and all I can do is talk about me.

Part of being a Christian for me, is being able to recognize what I was doing, see it for the wrong that it is and ask both her forgiveness and God's. It's my obligation to prioritize others above myself. It's hard. We all fail, but each day is a new one.