Lost

My appology for yesterday's post. The Mr. said it makes our life sound sort of, well, less than wonderful. I was really just posting that our life is regular and plain jane like everyone else's.

This morning I was thinking I'd write about a Bible study I'm doing with the teen's. It's a great study. Proverbs. I love Proverbs. They are insightful, instructive and convicting. Especially this morning. This week is about words and speaking and listening.

I have issues with all three. I love words for more reasons than I really care to write about. Then there is speaking. I don't produce the sort of verbal fruit I'd like to. Far too often the words that come from my mouth are anything but encouraging. Move on from that to listening. I do listen, it's just that I often stop listening part way through. It's work to force myself to listen to a person all the way to the end. Along the way, while they are speaking to me, my mind latches on to something they've said, and then it hitches there. I want to, and often do, interrupt at the point my brain got hung up on. It's an awful habit.

Before I write though, I usually read. This morning I was reading at Quiet Life and there was an interesting set of questions. I thought I might just take a crack at them over here. You can get to Quiet Life on the side bar.

One of her readers asked about marriage, specifically, "How do you make it work?" and "How do you not get lost behind your husband and kids?" Some pretty big questions.

I think Donna's answer for how to make it work is spot on. My own marriage improved a lot after I came to know that it wasn't The Mr.'s job to make me happy. And, it wasn't my job to make him happy. I also found the book The Power of a Praying Wife to be very helpful. It was great for getting my focus. I was making way to much of myself in the marriage and focusing on all the things I thought we wrong instead of all the ways God was using this part of my life.

I think the harder question might be, "How do you not get lost behind your husband and kids?" I think it's harder because in a certain way, you should be lost behind them.

What?

I know, it doesn't seem to make sense, especially in our me first society. I think, though, that it might be one of the keys to peace and happiness. You don't want to be so "lost" as to feel you have no worth, no friends, no life, etc., but I don't think that you should be the focal point of the family either. What I mean is, when someone from outside your family looks in and observes you, are they seeing a whole family unit working together smoothly or are the seeing a group of individuals? We all have our areas where we stand out, everyone does, but what I mean is do you have one person in the family overshadowing everyone else?

I don't think that's God's plan for wives and moms. I'm not saying that we shouldn't have our own interests and nurture those, but our main role as a wife and mom is support and service. We're given a servant role and there should be a way to enjoy that, to love it, to thrive in it. We are the person standing in the shadows, the spine, the organizers. We are the ones that keep all the balls in the air and keep things going relatively smoothly for whole groups of people--our families. That is the way that God uses us to bless them. Through us, our families feel security and love. They learn trust and loyality because we model it.

It can be hard. Don't think I'm all polly-anna over here and going to tell you how perfect my family and marriage are, not a chance. I spend plenty of time in conversation with the Lord about bitterness of the heart. My heart. It's really easy to get caught up in the lists of things to do for everyone else and feel really, awfully bitter about doing all that stuff for everyone else. Especially if it's a season of life when there is lots and lots of serving on your part and it seems as though you are being left out. It can seem like you are invisible within the family, like no one is serving you or even willing to serve you. It can sometimes seem like even though you are knocking yourself out serving them, they are unhappy, ungrateful, greedy and needy.

We know those feelings. As wives and moms, we've all been there. Even when it's really good, we know that it will come back again.

These are the spots we get trapped in. If we aren't able to look outside ourselves, to place our focus on anything but ourselves, we're lost in a bad way. It's good to be lost behind the hubby and kiddos when you are able to see what you do as acts of pure love for them or love for God. Even if your act of love is shampooing vomit from the carpet at 2:AM. It's a trap when all you can see is how you're being used or taken advantage of. It's a long, deep dark hole to be in and a real hard one to climb out of, but God can lift you out if you let Him.

I suppose this is about as clear as mud this morning, but that's ok. To some of you, it will make perfect sense. In the end, it's pretty simple. The best position to be in for marriage and motherhood, is on your knees.

And no, I did have to learn it the hard way. And yes, I need a refresher course daily.