Today could almost make me believe that spring is around the corner.
We're having a thunder storm and we have baseball on the TV.
It's opening day, after all.
It is one of the best times of the year in a sports family. Basketball and baseball overlap. I also saw a little hockey yesterday.
What could be better?
Maybe a nap in the sunshine.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
A Jumbled Brain
Outside it is sprinter. It's the season of late winter, early spring that can only happen in a place like Wisconsin.
There is snow and tulips mingled together.
So deep am I in the red clay of Atlanta with Scarlett, that it seems as though I can harldy breathe in. To look out the window and see snow drifts and spring birds is complety shocking.
Birds there are. It's the one way we know that we will really come through the other side of this particular winter season.
Yesterday afternoon I saw the cardinal and his mate, hunkered down under the big pine in the back yard. A few days prior, The Mr. saw the blue jay. As I stood under the heat lamp after my shower I could hear the doves.
Spring is under the snow. Just as it always is. Even if the tulips and crocuses are frozen off and the daffidols stunted, spring is still there.
Last night I watched a video of a long past event at my fomer home church in the MadCity. It was such a clear moment of the truth in statements like, "you can never go home again". We all know you do go home again, but you can never recapture and have again what you once had.
What made it doubly bittersweet, was that at the same moment the video was being sent to me, my high school kids from my current church group were calling me. They were planning a social for the last day of their spring break and wanted to include my family.
What I miss of my church in Madison was a simple sweetness of life that existed only in that moment of time. We had come through so much and were given the most precious respite. When the time came to go, we were able.
There is snow and tulips mingled together.
So deep am I in the red clay of Atlanta with Scarlett, that it seems as though I can harldy breathe in. To look out the window and see snow drifts and spring birds is complety shocking.
Birds there are. It's the one way we know that we will really come through the other side of this particular winter season.
Yesterday afternoon I saw the cardinal and his mate, hunkered down under the big pine in the back yard. A few days prior, The Mr. saw the blue jay. As I stood under the heat lamp after my shower I could hear the doves.
Spring is under the snow. Just as it always is. Even if the tulips and crocuses are frozen off and the daffidols stunted, spring is still there.
Last night I watched a video of a long past event at my fomer home church in the MadCity. It was such a clear moment of the truth in statements like, "you can never go home again". We all know you do go home again, but you can never recapture and have again what you once had.
What made it doubly bittersweet, was that at the same moment the video was being sent to me, my high school kids from my current church group were calling me. They were planning a social for the last day of their spring break and wanted to include my family.
What I miss of my church in Madison was a simple sweetness of life that existed only in that moment of time. We had come through so much and were given the most precious respite. When the time came to go, we were able.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Perspective Change
In the blink of an eye...
I followed the same routine this morning that I always follow. Cartoons and fruit for the kids, shower for me. I check on them and sit down at the computer. Sometimes I pull up the blinds while I put on earrings, socks and shoes. I check my mail, the places I like to read and think about what I'll write for the day.
I sat sort of heavy this morning thinking I had nothing new to write about. Another looming snow forcast, same kid issues, same old everything. Then I yanked up the blinds.
Running through the street and my yard was a rabbit and a red fox. Right through the streaking new morning sun. A red fox running for his breakfast.
It sure is a sight to see. A red fox in your front yard. If I lived further out, it wouldn't have been such a startling thing. It simply would have been another country wonder moment of people creeping in where they don't belong. But in the city, a big red fox chasing a plump bunny across the frozen manicured lots is sort of like a lightening bolt cracking a midnight sky.
You get a little jolt. A moment of clarity and wild eyed brilliance in the dead of dark night.
Before I could make a sound, both were gone.
Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
I followed the same routine this morning that I always follow. Cartoons and fruit for the kids, shower for me. I check on them and sit down at the computer. Sometimes I pull up the blinds while I put on earrings, socks and shoes. I check my mail, the places I like to read and think about what I'll write for the day.
I sat sort of heavy this morning thinking I had nothing new to write about. Another looming snow forcast, same kid issues, same old everything. Then I yanked up the blinds.
Running through the street and my yard was a rabbit and a red fox. Right through the streaking new morning sun. A red fox running for his breakfast.
It sure is a sight to see. A red fox in your front yard. If I lived further out, it wouldn't have been such a startling thing. It simply would have been another country wonder moment of people creeping in where they don't belong. But in the city, a big red fox chasing a plump bunny across the frozen manicured lots is sort of like a lightening bolt cracking a midnight sky.
You get a little jolt. A moment of clarity and wild eyed brilliance in the dead of dark night.
Before I could make a sound, both were gone.
Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
An early Easter makes me want to expect an early spring. It's just not to be. There won't be a spring early enough to please me this year.
The sheer volume of snow has gotten to most of us. We are longing to see green anything replace our huge piles of snow.
Instead I've been consumed by all the insane things going on around our place, and escaping into Atlanta with Scarlett and Rhett. Quite delightful even with a the horror of war.
The sheer volume of snow has gotten to most of us. We are longing to see green anything replace our huge piles of snow.
Instead I've been consumed by all the insane things going on around our place, and escaping into Atlanta with Scarlett and Rhett. Quite delightful even with a the horror of war.
Friday, March 21, 2008
March Madness, Spring Snow & The Easter Bunny
It's Good Friday.
It's the first full day of Spring.
It's snowing.
Again.
We're not talking flurries here either.
Seriously, this is the sort of weather endurance winter/spring that makes sane people crack. Just looking out the window makes me want to cry.
I can hardly even comprehend that I have to go out in it to shop for the Easter necessities. I can't. I just can't. It simply makes you want to pound your head on your snow shovel.
I'm sick of turtle necks and polar fleece. I want to put away the cordory pants and wool socks. I don't want to wear mittens any more. I just want it to stop.
OK, I'm done whining now. Besides, I'm sick of writing about snow.
The Mr. and I tried really hard to have a nice date night last night. Over all it was great, but the kids intruded.
Before we could even get out the door, The Little Mr.'s went at it. They managed to provoke each other to screams and tears. It ended ugly, vomit and bed times. The Little Miss is having massive attachment and adjustment issues. Last night was filled with tears and screams on her part. This morning hasn't been much better for her, I'm afraid.
I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it. Parenting is not for the weak.
Snow and screaming aside, it's March Madness time around here. We have our picks and we're watching the games. That was part of our date last night, a beer, some B-Ball on TV, hot pretzels and burgers, mmm mmm. All Good.
It's the first full day of Spring.
It's snowing.
Again.
We're not talking flurries here either.
Seriously, this is the sort of weather endurance winter/spring that makes sane people crack. Just looking out the window makes me want to cry.
I can hardly even comprehend that I have to go out in it to shop for the Easter necessities. I can't. I just can't. It simply makes you want to pound your head on your snow shovel.
I'm sick of turtle necks and polar fleece. I want to put away the cordory pants and wool socks. I don't want to wear mittens any more. I just want it to stop.
OK, I'm done whining now. Besides, I'm sick of writing about snow.
The Mr. and I tried really hard to have a nice date night last night. Over all it was great, but the kids intruded.
Before we could even get out the door, The Little Mr.'s went at it. They managed to provoke each other to screams and tears. It ended ugly, vomit and bed times. The Little Miss is having massive attachment and adjustment issues. Last night was filled with tears and screams on her part. This morning hasn't been much better for her, I'm afraid.
I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it. Parenting is not for the weak.
Snow and screaming aside, it's March Madness time around here. We have our picks and we're watching the games. That was part of our date last night, a beer, some B-Ball on TV, hot pretzels and burgers, mmm mmm. All Good.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The Reading List
These are the books I'm reading and meaning to read. They're the ones by the bed, in the kitchen, by the fireplace, next to the rocking chair and sliding across the dashboard of the van.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I am witness to a Christian family that is coming apart. It's ugly. It's he said, she said. It's I'm the parent and you're the child. It's I'm an adult now and I'm going to prove it. It's clear to me today, a simple case.
Parenting is not for the weak. We have to understand and believe that these children are only ours in a temporary sense. We are merely helping God with the work he is doing in these kids.
Things I need to parent:
God
Faith
Love
Humility
Grace
Mercy
Forgiveness
Patience
Perseverance
Self-Control
Humor
Parenting is not for the weak. We have to understand and believe that these children are only ours in a temporary sense. We are merely helping God with the work he is doing in these kids.
Things I need to parent:
God
Faith
Love
Humility
Grace
Mercy
Forgiveness
Patience
Perseverance
Self-Control
Humor
Monday, March 17, 2008
It's All About Her
So often I find myself shaking my head and wondering just exactly where people have left their brains.
The past few days has been no exception. As I'm thinking it through, I realize just now, that all of it has to do with The Little Miss. There was plenty of advice given to me on just how exactly to raise and discipline this unruley toddler by well meaning older grocery gals. It seems as though we were asked to remove her from a family oriented venue because she was too loud, never mind the two boys playing tag or the two girls full body wrestling on the floor. We were shushed in a hallway by 4 adults, all from the same room, but through 3 separate doors. I hear it told, that doors can be closed. Then just today, it seems the ball was dropped again.
It is true what they say about foster care. It's not for everyone. There are plenty who can't and won't understand. These are kids with needs and experiences beyond what we can fathom, and yet they are expected to fit the mold of average everyday kid. These are kids to be loved feircely and held lightly. They need a sense of practicality and humor and freedom and safety. They don't need to be scolded more, especially for doing something like learning how to be a "normal" kid, for taking it on and trying it out for a test drive.
Hey, what do I know anyway, I'm just a mom.
The past few days has been no exception. As I'm thinking it through, I realize just now, that all of it has to do with The Little Miss. There was plenty of advice given to me on just how exactly to raise and discipline this unruley toddler by well meaning older grocery gals. It seems as though we were asked to remove her from a family oriented venue because she was too loud, never mind the two boys playing tag or the two girls full body wrestling on the floor. We were shushed in a hallway by 4 adults, all from the same room, but through 3 separate doors. I hear it told, that doors can be closed. Then just today, it seems the ball was dropped again.
It is true what they say about foster care. It's not for everyone. There are plenty who can't and won't understand. These are kids with needs and experiences beyond what we can fathom, and yet they are expected to fit the mold of average everyday kid. These are kids to be loved feircely and held lightly. They need a sense of practicality and humor and freedom and safety. They don't need to be scolded more, especially for doing something like learning how to be a "normal" kid, for taking it on and trying it out for a test drive.
Hey, what do I know anyway, I'm just a mom.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
As a side note, I'm reading Gone With The Wind. It's my first time. I've never seen the movie.
I don't think I'll be able to watch it after I've gotten through the book. The picture it paints in my mind is such that I think, no, I know, I'd be disappointed with the film. It's the sort of book to read that begs for words like delicious to describe it. It's soft and lush and beautiful, yet real and true in it's pictures of people.
It's also huge. The size of a book has never turned me away, but this one is dense. It is slow reading in general, and the copy I have from the library has very tiny print squeezed together page after page. This may be the one that shoves me over to the bifocals. As it is, the eye clinic just sent me a note yesterday about the great advances in bifocal contacts. Add that to the boys telling me to get some contacts so I don't look so old, because after all mom, you're getting a lot of those sparkly white hairs.
Honesty is a good quality in a child, right??
I don't think I'll be able to watch it after I've gotten through the book. The picture it paints in my mind is such that I think, no, I know, I'd be disappointed with the film. It's the sort of book to read that begs for words like delicious to describe it. It's soft and lush and beautiful, yet real and true in it's pictures of people.
It's also huge. The size of a book has never turned me away, but this one is dense. It is slow reading in general, and the copy I have from the library has very tiny print squeezed together page after page. This may be the one that shoves me over to the bifocals. As it is, the eye clinic just sent me a note yesterday about the great advances in bifocal contacts. Add that to the boys telling me to get some contacts so I don't look so old, because after all mom, you're getting a lot of those sparkly white hairs.
Honesty is a good quality in a child, right??
Living In God's Peace
It's still just a rough thought, but I'll take a stab at it. I'm not sure it's a thing I'll ever have a totally concrete answer too. I think it's more of a fluid and alive sort of thing. To be alive, living in God's peace is surely something that changes and grows as we do.
I think for myself, living in God's peace has a lot to do with acceptance and submission. It's not a certain set of things a person does, it's more of a mind set.
The acceptance part seems straight forward, but I think most of us miss it for a while. See, the whole Jesus died on the cross for me thing is relatively well known. If you run around saying you're a Christian, you even understand that you have to choose to accept this gift from God and that you are to say all the right things like, I choose Jesus to be my savior, I understand that He died on the cross for my sin, etc. You get that part.
But, there's always some extra baggage. There's always a left-over. Let's assume Christianity for a moment, and then continue our thought. So you choose to believe, Jesus died on the cross for my sins, He is my savior. Good. We only sort of half grasp this idea. It's easy to understand that Jesus stood in as the substitute for the punishment we deserve for our sin. It's hard to accept the total forgiveness that goes with it.
We get on our knees and confess our sin to God. Intellectually we understand to repent and if someone asks us, we easily say, yes, I've been forgiven. Inside our hearts is the problem. We harbor guilt over the sins. We only partially, at best, accept the full measure of forgiveness given to us through God's mercy and grace.
Keeping that guilt in your heart after confession and repentance is simply rebelling against God. Your standing before Him and saying, I know you gave your son for my sin, I know that I'm sorry for my sin, I know that I want to change my sinful ways, I know that you've forgiven me fully, but I still need to be punished. I know better than you God and so I'll continue to punish myself even though you've forgiven me.
The second part of living in God's peace has to do with submission. Maybe it's trust. Somehow those two go hand in hand for me. It's easy to submit to God's will as long as I trust Him. The minute I stop trusting, it gets real hard to do what He asks of me. Even when God asks me to do things I don't want to do, or things that seem impossible for me to do, as long as I'm trusting, I can submit. When I get caught in the trap of worldly life, other people's judgements, my fears, my desires, my expectations and loose sight of Him, then I get in trouble.
It seems like far to simplistic an answer to a very complex and difficult question, and yet, that's often how Christian life is to me. I find most of the Bible to be startlingly clear in instruction. God makes his requests and commands pretty straight forward. Jesus speaks to us pretty plainly in many areas. I'm not saying the Bible is as clear and easy to use as a reciepe, but in a lot of places it really is. There certainly are parts that are difficult, complicated and confusing.
Maybe it's just me personally. I've never needed to know everything. I'm content to have the general understanding. I don't have a need to understand everything in Revelation for example, or to know what God will do tomorrow. I'm good with knowing to trust and obey. In fact, for me, it's even better that way. See, I only have to be responsible for me, my obedience, my behavior. I'm not on the spot to make the plans or save the whole world. I don't have to worry about what happens next or all the what if's. I simply have to make sure that I'm obeying.
I know, I see the world in a funny way. You will see it differntly. That's the beauty of it. We all have a different view, provided by God, and that creates the whole. We each see something different, we're each asked to follow and do in different ways. We're all simply just a part of the whole.
I think for myself, living in God's peace has a lot to do with acceptance and submission. It's not a certain set of things a person does, it's more of a mind set.
The acceptance part seems straight forward, but I think most of us miss it for a while. See, the whole Jesus died on the cross for me thing is relatively well known. If you run around saying you're a Christian, you even understand that you have to choose to accept this gift from God and that you are to say all the right things like, I choose Jesus to be my savior, I understand that He died on the cross for my sin, etc. You get that part.
But, there's always some extra baggage. There's always a left-over. Let's assume Christianity for a moment, and then continue our thought. So you choose to believe, Jesus died on the cross for my sins, He is my savior. Good. We only sort of half grasp this idea. It's easy to understand that Jesus stood in as the substitute for the punishment we deserve for our sin. It's hard to accept the total forgiveness that goes with it.
We get on our knees and confess our sin to God. Intellectually we understand to repent and if someone asks us, we easily say, yes, I've been forgiven. Inside our hearts is the problem. We harbor guilt over the sins. We only partially, at best, accept the full measure of forgiveness given to us through God's mercy and grace.
Keeping that guilt in your heart after confession and repentance is simply rebelling against God. Your standing before Him and saying, I know you gave your son for my sin, I know that I'm sorry for my sin, I know that I want to change my sinful ways, I know that you've forgiven me fully, but I still need to be punished. I know better than you God and so I'll continue to punish myself even though you've forgiven me.
The second part of living in God's peace has to do with submission. Maybe it's trust. Somehow those two go hand in hand for me. It's easy to submit to God's will as long as I trust Him. The minute I stop trusting, it gets real hard to do what He asks of me. Even when God asks me to do things I don't want to do, or things that seem impossible for me to do, as long as I'm trusting, I can submit. When I get caught in the trap of worldly life, other people's judgements, my fears, my desires, my expectations and loose sight of Him, then I get in trouble.
It seems like far to simplistic an answer to a very complex and difficult question, and yet, that's often how Christian life is to me. I find most of the Bible to be startlingly clear in instruction. God makes his requests and commands pretty straight forward. Jesus speaks to us pretty plainly in many areas. I'm not saying the Bible is as clear and easy to use as a reciepe, but in a lot of places it really is. There certainly are parts that are difficult, complicated and confusing.
Maybe it's just me personally. I've never needed to know everything. I'm content to have the general understanding. I don't have a need to understand everything in Revelation for example, or to know what God will do tomorrow. I'm good with knowing to trust and obey. In fact, for me, it's even better that way. See, I only have to be responsible for me, my obedience, my behavior. I'm not on the spot to make the plans or save the whole world. I don't have to worry about what happens next or all the what if's. I simply have to make sure that I'm obeying.
I know, I see the world in a funny way. You will see it differntly. That's the beauty of it. We all have a different view, provided by God, and that creates the whole. We each see something different, we're each asked to follow and do in different ways. We're all simply just a part of the whole.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
When I woke up this morning, I realized that it's already Wednesday. Some weeks slide away from me.
We're having a bit of transition around here and drama, so I'll chalk it up to that. Our Little Miss is now spending a good bit of her time with her mom. That is both wonderful and heart wrenching. It's a thing I think about often, but can't seem to allow myself to think through or dwell on. We're at the point in the child's case where there is nothing left but heartache. What ever happens, it will carry with it a certain amount of sadness. To leave here and us, to go home and be united with her mom would be the perfect case. All would be well and right and good. Except, that for more than a year, we've been her family, her life and when she is no longer a part of "us" there will be a measure of sadness. If it all falls appart, things go south and she can't go home, she will stay here in this family. But, there will still be great sorrow. A part of her life, of who she is, of her very identity will be taken from her.
More base than that, as I look across the divide of the city, I see a fellow mom that failed. It's the worst fear of any parent, to be the one that failed her kid. Just to write the words brings tears to my eyes. No matter how good this could be for the child, it will be awful too.
Which way will it go? I honestly don't have a clue. Not that I haven't asked for one, but I don't have one. I've asked all 3 of the case workers. I've asked other foster parents. I've begged on my knees for a sign, a clue, a hint. I have none.
I do have peace though. I don't know how, other than God, but I have peace in it all.
I know I told you I'd write about living in God's peace, and I will. There just have been other things. A friend with a child on the Spectrum. A sick friend. Some teens I love in a mess. My own Little Men to raise. A sick friend. Family. All the stupid stuff like dishes and laundry and dentists. Sometimes that stuff invades, captures my mind and pushes me from the pen. Sometimes I don't want to see it that clearly, I don't want to feel it that fully.
We're having a bit of transition around here and drama, so I'll chalk it up to that. Our Little Miss is now spending a good bit of her time with her mom. That is both wonderful and heart wrenching. It's a thing I think about often, but can't seem to allow myself to think through or dwell on. We're at the point in the child's case where there is nothing left but heartache. What ever happens, it will carry with it a certain amount of sadness. To leave here and us, to go home and be united with her mom would be the perfect case. All would be well and right and good. Except, that for more than a year, we've been her family, her life and when she is no longer a part of "us" there will be a measure of sadness. If it all falls appart, things go south and she can't go home, she will stay here in this family. But, there will still be great sorrow. A part of her life, of who she is, of her very identity will be taken from her.
More base than that, as I look across the divide of the city, I see a fellow mom that failed. It's the worst fear of any parent, to be the one that failed her kid. Just to write the words brings tears to my eyes. No matter how good this could be for the child, it will be awful too.
Which way will it go? I honestly don't have a clue. Not that I haven't asked for one, but I don't have one. I've asked all 3 of the case workers. I've asked other foster parents. I've begged on my knees for a sign, a clue, a hint. I have none.
I do have peace though. I don't know how, other than God, but I have peace in it all.
I know I told you I'd write about living in God's peace, and I will. There just have been other things. A friend with a child on the Spectrum. A sick friend. Some teens I love in a mess. My own Little Men to raise. A sick friend. Family. All the stupid stuff like dishes and laundry and dentists. Sometimes that stuff invades, captures my mind and pushes me from the pen. Sometimes I don't want to see it that clearly, I don't want to feel it that fully.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Weekends
As always, it's been a crazy, busy week.
The Little Miss is going throught some sort of massive attachment thing. She pretty much screams and cries in terror over most things in a day right now. So, she asks for Barney, you put him on TV and then she screams and cries. She asks for milk, you give it to her and she throws it on the floor, screams, cries and asks for it back again.
I would hazzard a guess that she knows. They always do. Her visits are changing. She will begin on Monday with 2 full days a week with her birth mom. It's good and it's bad all rolled into one. I'm not really looking forward to dealing with the fall out of this change, but it's part of the process.
There has been drama in any number of areas of our lives this week. None of which is earth shattering, but all of which demands a certain amount of attention and mental energy. Add that to a full schedule, and you have my life.
We've been to yet another museum this week. A local children's museum does a special night for foster families and gives us a year pass. It's a great night. Tons of fun, lots of give aways and really one of the best museums for the under 12 group.
This weekend we're winding down basketball for The Littlest Mr. His last game is happening as I type. The Little Mr. has one today and one next week. Then we just have the celebration night to go. Tae Kwon Do will be having tournaments and testing in April, so the preperations are on. We're also making the trip to the Mad City to visit my family. It's a birthday extravaganza. We'll celebrate for my mom, my dad, my brother, The Mr. and also my sister-in-law. She'll be really surprised. Why? Her birthday is in September. Huh?
I live by the 6 month rule for most things in life. So, I'm late, but not too late, because I'm within 6 months of the actual event. So, yeah, her birthday was in September, I'm late as always, and she'll be getting a present in March.
Soon I'll be getting to a post that should be interesting. I've been asked recently what it is to live in God's peace. I really want to write about that, but I need more than 20 seconds of uninterrupted time. Must say though, I am humbled that someone could look at my life and think I am an example of living in God's peace. Not that I don't try, I'm just pretty certain that my life looks a lot like messy, sticky chaos on the outside!
Well, kids are fussing, have to run. See you on the other side of Sunday.
The Little Miss is going throught some sort of massive attachment thing. She pretty much screams and cries in terror over most things in a day right now. So, she asks for Barney, you put him on TV and then she screams and cries. She asks for milk, you give it to her and she throws it on the floor, screams, cries and asks for it back again.
I would hazzard a guess that she knows. They always do. Her visits are changing. She will begin on Monday with 2 full days a week with her birth mom. It's good and it's bad all rolled into one. I'm not really looking forward to dealing with the fall out of this change, but it's part of the process.
There has been drama in any number of areas of our lives this week. None of which is earth shattering, but all of which demands a certain amount of attention and mental energy. Add that to a full schedule, and you have my life.
We've been to yet another museum this week. A local children's museum does a special night for foster families and gives us a year pass. It's a great night. Tons of fun, lots of give aways and really one of the best museums for the under 12 group.
This weekend we're winding down basketball for The Littlest Mr. His last game is happening as I type. The Little Mr. has one today and one next week. Then we just have the celebration night to go. Tae Kwon Do will be having tournaments and testing in April, so the preperations are on. We're also making the trip to the Mad City to visit my family. It's a birthday extravaganza. We'll celebrate for my mom, my dad, my brother, The Mr. and also my sister-in-law. She'll be really surprised. Why? Her birthday is in September. Huh?
I live by the 6 month rule for most things in life. So, I'm late, but not too late, because I'm within 6 months of the actual event. So, yeah, her birthday was in September, I'm late as always, and she'll be getting a present in March.
Soon I'll be getting to a post that should be interesting. I've been asked recently what it is to live in God's peace. I really want to write about that, but I need more than 20 seconds of uninterrupted time. Must say though, I am humbled that someone could look at my life and think I am an example of living in God's peace. Not that I don't try, I'm just pretty certain that my life looks a lot like messy, sticky chaos on the outside!
Well, kids are fussing, have to run. See you on the other side of Sunday.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Use Me
Today I have very little. I'm in that state these days of feeling as though I am simply a vessel. I'm here to be poured out for another.
Dear Lord,
There are so many you are laying in my path these days. I can't name names, but you know who they are, for you put them there. Their hearts ache and they need so much. Speak to them, I surrender my tongue from my thoughts, fill my mouth with your words. I am willing to be used for each of them. You've brought them before me with reason, I don't know it. I am nothing alone. I can do nothing unless you use me, and so I surrender all. Allow me to be a part of the plan, a tool to help them find their way. Help me to have for them what they need, when they need it. I want to be invisible to them. I want them to only see you. To only feel you. To only hear you. Help me to be empty of myself and full of you so they can reach in and have all they need. Even thought I feel all their strugles and pains in my human heart, I know you will only give me what you have prepared me for. I know you will wash over it all in the end. I know that what I feel for them is only a tiny bit of what you feel for them. Thank you Lord for asking this of me. Thank you for thinking I was enough to be used this way.
Dear Lord,
There are so many you are laying in my path these days. I can't name names, but you know who they are, for you put them there. Their hearts ache and they need so much. Speak to them, I surrender my tongue from my thoughts, fill my mouth with your words. I am willing to be used for each of them. You've brought them before me with reason, I don't know it. I am nothing alone. I can do nothing unless you use me, and so I surrender all. Allow me to be a part of the plan, a tool to help them find their way. Help me to have for them what they need, when they need it. I want to be invisible to them. I want them to only see you. To only feel you. To only hear you. Help me to be empty of myself and full of you so they can reach in and have all they need. Even thought I feel all their strugles and pains in my human heart, I know you will only give me what you have prepared me for. I know you will wash over it all in the end. I know that what I feel for them is only a tiny bit of what you feel for them. Thank you Lord for asking this of me. Thank you for thinking I was enough to be used this way.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Museums & Beans
Way back in December I was thinking that this should be the year of the museum. I spent a little time figuring out just how far away the museum was, the hours, the cost, etc. All in an attempt to see if it would be worth it. That and trying to figure in the ick factor.
For me, museums have a certain ick about them. Mostly I just really hate/fear anything that has been preserved or taxidermy-ed. It just feels creapy. It makes me look back over my shoulder and gives me that crawly skin feeling.
But, I'm a mom. Not just any old mom, but a home school mom at that. And, kids love museums. They love to get close up to all that dead stuff and check it out.
Fast forward to February and pass out the credit card. We are now memebers of our public museum. But, we haven't hardly been out of our house due to the creaping crud and vomit virus.
I think we're ready. So today's the day. We'll make our way through the construction zone that used to be the freeways of Milwaukee, find the magic discount parking garage, load the stroller, get some cash and go to the museum.
I'm hoping I'll get used to it as we make regular trips inside. My plan is to go often, let the kids really dig in and explore it all, and of course, to get my money's worth out of the membership this year.
One last funny. At dinner on Saturday, The Little Mr. looks right at his dad and says, Hey, I need a bean counter, can you do it? It's only funny because The Mr. is a CPA. The Little Mr. didn't have a clue, he simply knew he needed to eat 5 green beans to get seconds of the stuff he liked. The Mr. started to hold up his fingers for each bite, saying something about, Yeah, I think I can help you out with that.
For me, museums have a certain ick about them. Mostly I just really hate/fear anything that has been preserved or taxidermy-ed. It just feels creapy. It makes me look back over my shoulder and gives me that crawly skin feeling.
But, I'm a mom. Not just any old mom, but a home school mom at that. And, kids love museums. They love to get close up to all that dead stuff and check it out.
Fast forward to February and pass out the credit card. We are now memebers of our public museum. But, we haven't hardly been out of our house due to the creaping crud and vomit virus.
I think we're ready. So today's the day. We'll make our way through the construction zone that used to be the freeways of Milwaukee, find the magic discount parking garage, load the stroller, get some cash and go to the museum.
I'm hoping I'll get used to it as we make regular trips inside. My plan is to go often, let the kids really dig in and explore it all, and of course, to get my money's worth out of the membership this year.
One last funny. At dinner on Saturday, The Little Mr. looks right at his dad and says, Hey, I need a bean counter, can you do it? It's only funny because The Mr. is a CPA. The Little Mr. didn't have a clue, he simply knew he needed to eat 5 green beans to get seconds of the stuff he liked. The Mr. started to hold up his fingers for each bite, saying something about, Yeah, I think I can help you out with that.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Words
So this morning, I did the unthinkable. Or at least it seems that way right now. I'm pretty sure I over stepped my boundry as a foster mom.
See, I told The Little Miss's mom to get it together. She called me up this morning with a long list of excuses and I basically said, suck it up honey. Not such a nice Monday morning attitude, I'm afraid.
I kind of just said, well, here's the thing. You're her mom. Her only mom. You HAVE TO do WHATEVER it takes to get her back if that's what you really want, to have her back.
I'm afraid that I simply had NO patience for her excuses. I had no sympathy.
Maybe it's ok. Maybe it was time someone said those things to her. Maybe in a week it'll all be the same thing over again. I don't know. We'll just have to see.
This past week or so words have been very powerful around my house. We've all been sucked into various books that tweak our minds and keep our attention. There have been all sorts of interesting situations and conversations happening around here that really just highlight the true power of words.
May God be in charge of my tongue at all times.
See, I told The Little Miss's mom to get it together. She called me up this morning with a long list of excuses and I basically said, suck it up honey. Not such a nice Monday morning attitude, I'm afraid.
I kind of just said, well, here's the thing. You're her mom. Her only mom. You HAVE TO do WHATEVER it takes to get her back if that's what you really want, to have her back.
I'm afraid that I simply had NO patience for her excuses. I had no sympathy.
Maybe it's ok. Maybe it was time someone said those things to her. Maybe in a week it'll all be the same thing over again. I don't know. We'll just have to see.
This past week or so words have been very powerful around my house. We've all been sucked into various books that tweak our minds and keep our attention. There have been all sorts of interesting situations and conversations happening around here that really just highlight the true power of words.
May God be in charge of my tongue at all times.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
A Silly Girly-Girl Post
Yup, you men can just skip on over this one. It's bound to be a bore. Heck, it's bound to be a bore for anyone, but that's what happens when you get up at 4:30 AM and spend the morning with the kids watching 5 year olds attempt basketball.
I've been accused of being a girly-girl, especially while I was in Texas. Seems kind of funny to me, because I don't picture myself that way, but whatever. I thought I'd give my "beauty tips". Ha, ha--don't hurt yourself laughing.
For hair, I buy the cheapest shampoo and conditioner possible and use them daily. I use tons of conditioner every day even though everyone says not to. Towel dry, comb with a wide tooth comb and ignore until the next day.
General body care: cheap razors, Ivory soap and any old lotion that smells good. In winter it is great to find lotions that include the word butter in the title, not just because I live in Wisconsin.
Make-up. Cheap again. I buy mine in the grocery store. Use a dime size amount of moisturizer, then foundation. It hides all the splotchy parts. I swipe the blush brush once for each cheek and apply in a swirly way just under the cheek bone. I know, not the way you're supposed to do it, but it works. Then it's the eyes. Liner first, just little dashes to make a line, don't bother to try to make a straight line. It never works. It just makes a big smudgy mess. I always use brown. I have brown eyes. Next, mascara. Again, the cheap stuff in the pink tube is the best. Start with the top lashes, hold the brush still and blink through it. It gets it on nice and even. For the bottom lashes, hold the brush vertical and just brush it across the ends of the lashes. You do all this with only one dip of the brush, otherwise it's way too much. If there are any clumps, I just brush the ends of my lashes with my finger tip. Last is the eye shadow. I always use a pinky-brownish color. It seems more natural like that. I don't like a make-up color that jumps off your face. Putting the shadow on last means you can wash off any eye liner or mascara smudges first, and the liner sticks better when it's not on top of the shadow. Last, for the lips, plain old chapstick in a tube. Carmex, Burt's Bees, Bonnie Bell, whatever, no color, just keeps them from cracking and peeling.
So, there you have it. Oh yeah, find a perfume smell that's good on you and wear it often. Not everyday, but often. I always spray it on before I get dressed so that some of the smell sticks to my clothes. I also, always spray a little into my hair.
Sill, I know, but that's what happens when you get up at 4 and drink one too many caramel lattes at basketball. See you on the other side of the weekend.
I've been accused of being a girly-girl, especially while I was in Texas. Seems kind of funny to me, because I don't picture myself that way, but whatever. I thought I'd give my "beauty tips". Ha, ha--don't hurt yourself laughing.
For hair, I buy the cheapest shampoo and conditioner possible and use them daily. I use tons of conditioner every day even though everyone says not to. Towel dry, comb with a wide tooth comb and ignore until the next day.
General body care: cheap razors, Ivory soap and any old lotion that smells good. In winter it is great to find lotions that include the word butter in the title, not just because I live in Wisconsin.
Make-up. Cheap again. I buy mine in the grocery store. Use a dime size amount of moisturizer, then foundation. It hides all the splotchy parts. I swipe the blush brush once for each cheek and apply in a swirly way just under the cheek bone. I know, not the way you're supposed to do it, but it works. Then it's the eyes. Liner first, just little dashes to make a line, don't bother to try to make a straight line. It never works. It just makes a big smudgy mess. I always use brown. I have brown eyes. Next, mascara. Again, the cheap stuff in the pink tube is the best. Start with the top lashes, hold the brush still and blink through it. It gets it on nice and even. For the bottom lashes, hold the brush vertical and just brush it across the ends of the lashes. You do all this with only one dip of the brush, otherwise it's way too much. If there are any clumps, I just brush the ends of my lashes with my finger tip. Last is the eye shadow. I always use a pinky-brownish color. It seems more natural like that. I don't like a make-up color that jumps off your face. Putting the shadow on last means you can wash off any eye liner or mascara smudges first, and the liner sticks better when it's not on top of the shadow. Last, for the lips, plain old chapstick in a tube. Carmex, Burt's Bees, Bonnie Bell, whatever, no color, just keeps them from cracking and peeling.
So, there you have it. Oh yeah, find a perfume smell that's good on you and wear it often. Not everyday, but often. I always spray it on before I get dressed so that some of the smell sticks to my clothes. I also, always spray a little into my hair.
Sill, I know, but that's what happens when you get up at 4 and drink one too many caramel lattes at basketball. See you on the other side of the weekend.
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