Homespun Truth

When I woke up this morning, I realized that it's already Wednesday. Some weeks slide away from me.

We're having a bit of transition around here and drama, so I'll chalk it up to that. Our Little Miss is now spending a good bit of her time with her mom. That is both wonderful and heart wrenching. It's a thing I think about often, but can't seem to allow myself to think through or dwell on. We're at the point in the child's case where there is nothing left but heartache. What ever happens, it will carry with it a certain amount of sadness. To leave here and us, to go home and be united with her mom would be the perfect case. All would be well and right and good. Except, that for more than a year, we've been her family, her life and when she is no longer a part of "us" there will be a measure of sadness. If it all falls appart, things go south and she can't go home, she will stay here in this family. But, there will still be great sorrow. A part of her life, of who she is, of her very identity will be taken from her.

More base than that, as I look across the divide of the city, I see a fellow mom that failed. It's the worst fear of any parent, to be the one that failed her kid. Just to write the words brings tears to my eyes. No matter how good this could be for the child, it will be awful too.

Which way will it go? I honestly don't have a clue. Not that I haven't asked for one, but I don't have one. I've asked all 3 of the case workers. I've asked other foster parents. I've begged on my knees for a sign, a clue, a hint. I have none.

I do have peace though. I don't know how, other than God, but I have peace in it all.

I know I told you I'd write about living in God's peace, and I will. There just have been other things. A friend with a child on the Spectrum. A sick friend. Some teens I love in a mess. My own Little Men to raise. A sick friend. Family. All the stupid stuff like dishes and laundry and dentists. Sometimes that stuff invades, captures my mind and pushes me from the pen. Sometimes I don't want to see it that clearly, I don't want to feel it that fully.