A Thought

I thought I'd address another thought here. Over the last week I read a post at another blog and left a comment, but I really wasn't able to clearly or fully express myself. That's just the nature of blog comments, and it's ok.

It's a glitch I have with organized religion or churches or maybe with narrow minded people in general or something.

I live a different sort of Christian life than what I generally see around me or encounter in the expected Christian settings. I recognize and accept that the path God has chosen for my family is radically different from the path most people are on. I do not expect the world to change for me or my family.

And here comes the but.

I do think though, that if you are a Christian, you ought to have some grace and mercy in your existance.

Here's what I mean by that.

My life circles include Christians, home schoolers, special needs families, foster families and "regular" families.

Where does my family find the most space to be who we are? Where do we have the most acceptance?

It's in among the "regular" people. They are the least likely to judge my beliefs or parenting practices. They are the most accepting of our health care choices or our choice to foster parent.

Now, perhaps they really aren't accepting of these things, certainly we receive very little "approval" of what we do or how we live, but at least they are polite about our excentricities.

Now, I'm not running around asking for either acceptance or approval. I know that what I do is what God is asking of me. I can and do rest secure in that.

There are times though, that I'm slighted and I think to myself, can I possibly be the only person being marginalized by this situation? It leads me back to where I was a few posts ago, I pick and choose which opinions I share and when are where to try to see that my energy invested is at least worth something.

So I read recently about something that occured at my church. It simply reframed why I stay on the fringes of the church and participate mostly in the Church. I am part of the body of believers and I serve people in ways that I am asked to. None of it is confined to a religion or a brick building. The body I've been asked to serve is my local community. Sometimes as simple as my next door neighbor, sometimes as complicated as foster care. Now, I serve through my brick church as well, and I love that too, but it's different.

The brick church is often where I encounter conflict and slights. We have often had encounters and misunderstandings over my children. I expect it in life. My children are a complicated and diverse group. I do things a little different. It stings the most though, when the slights are within a place that should be a safe place. A place I call a home church should be a place that my family can come as it is, hairs out of place, noisey tics and all. But it often isn't. The sad part is that has been a part of their slogan in the past. There are no perfect people, come as you are. It's spoken, but not fully realized or lived out.

Now, churches grow and so do people. I'm certainly not here claiming to have it all together, far from it. I'm a wretched soul just like everyone else. I fail consistantly.

Churches, I find, mean well, mine included. Don't misunderstand. I really like this church. I hope to call it home for a long time. But there are quirks. Some of them are the same quirks I've encountered in other churhes. It's partly why I avoid certain ministries.

For example, I generally avoid children's ministy and women's ministry. I'm sure looking at my labels that makes no sense to you. I live in those places 24/7. It's nice to take a break from them, plus I don't fit into the box. Again, this is where I recognize that my life is radically different from other people's and I don't expect special treatment, just a little space to be myself, a little grace to be who God is asking me to be.

Tickets to an future event in women's ministry are being sold only in pairs. I'm really under informed on the whole thing. I attend church every weekend and yet because I avoid the stress of women's ministry I've tuned out and know nothing about it. I understand the logic is to have this event be an outreach--all good--and to wisely use the space available, limited seating. In theory this is brilliant. In practice, I think hello, how is this going to work out well?

So a person who wants to bring 2 friends must now either deny one friend the opportunity to go, purchase 2 sets of tickets and waste the precious seating space or what? Then there are the people who can't or won't bring a friend and are again unable to get a ticket without wasting a space or simply giving up and not attending at all.

We all know what it's like to host a home sales party and find that no one is comming over or that all the "friends" we've asked have said no. However politely that is done, it hurts our feelings and makes us very reluctant to try it again. If that's your experience with outreach and evangelism, to be shot down over and over, nothing is going to make you keep doing it. Especially not being "talked to" by a church person telling you that if you just prayed harder or believed more it will all be better.

This is my special needs parenting talking here, praying harder and believing my feverently isn't always the answer. It's a part of it, surely, but I know few people that have had that as the sole solution to something.

The ticket thing also left me wondering about women like myself. I've been hanging on the edge of all things church. I've even started to think about the women's ministry in the past few months. I've second guessed myself and thought, maybe it's time to give it another try. I'm a glutton that way, I'll keep on trying similar things thinking that maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this church is different and a mom, a wife, a woman like me could fit in, but then there is this. If I wanted to attent this event to try to connect with some of the church women, I really couldn't without "breaking the rules."

I've found it a hard place to connect in spite of itself. I've been around. I've shared my phone number and email. Everyone says they'll get in touch and we'll have coffee or something. No one ever does. I know that I could be the one doing the calling and insisting on creating a relationship, but somehow as the newer person in the church setting, I had hoped that somone would be doing the reaching out so that I wouldn't have to be reaching in. A church should be filled with people spreading out and sharing. It shouldn't be a place that a person has to reach in and force a place for themself.

I know, clear as mud, yet again. I'm sure I'll have more on this later, but kids are hungry and looking for their breakfast, so I have to go.