Week's Over

It's the start of a holiday weekend and I have no plans. All I can think about it what a long, awful struggle this week was. There seemed to be such a constant nit picking feel to the week. It was like having sand in your socks all week long.

Nothing so unbearable that you had to stop, but yet so distracting. All week I was bothered. I was moving at a pace to quick for the sand in my socks. I knew that by this time, I'd have blisters.

And I do. I feel blistered by this week. Raw and scalded all over, and yet by what exactly, I'm not sure I could put my finger on. It's been everything and nothing and all the nothing things that I made into big things.

I think really, it's all the same stuff I've been whining about for days now. The lingering, unresolved things in my life. I have to deal with them both because God put me here, and because I made the choices that led me here.

Foster care and home school and everything else that is just plain life are things that bless me, grow me and humble me. They are also the things that break me, leaving me raw and bleeding.

No part of life that involves a child is simple or clear or easy. No part of loving a "special" child comes without that bitter coating or insane level of exhaustion. Some days, often days, you are faced with the cliche that rings with truth, if you don't laugh, you'll cry. There are no places or people left that have room for tears.

These are the days of cliches that ring true. What doesn't kill you, strengthens you. Well, yeah, kind of it does. Parenting "special" kids, or really any kids is a thing that will grow a spine where you never knew you were missing one. The most demure women will become raging mama bears. A soft spoken man of few words will become a very loud advocate for his child. A trusting parent will seek out all possible treatments for cure, suddenly doubting authority. A spend thrift will spoil a son or daughter down to the last cent.

Parenting is where we find out what we're made of. It's a life time job without a break. It demands an attitude of just plain doing what ever it takes.

I see fewer and fewer parents around me who can do this. I see even less who are willing.