Homespun Truth

This is the first morning of the week that I haven't been trying to get 3 little people cleaned, dressed, fed and out the door before 9. Now, we're early risers around here, but it still is total insanity. Most of the time the kids are all up well before 7. Most of the time we're all fed before 8. Most of the time our mornings have an easy, relaxed pattern to them. This week we threw the whole thing in the blender and tried to make the best of it. Whirl on puree and that's about how it's looked.

It's not a bad thing, really, we've just had a lot of extra appointments and summer schedule changes. Having some high needs kids and a changing schedule has made for more than our fair share of screaming, tear filled melt downs. Not to brag, but the melt downs my 3 kids can produce will put most of the toddler population of the world to shame. Even my oldest can produce something truly spectacular when he really wants to. It's just life with spectrum kids.

And that's really part of the point. That's just my life. All my kids are high needs, no matter how average they might look on the out side or how well they've been trained to pass for normal in certain social settings, they are simply high needs kids. They do their best to cope. Sometimes we make it and sometimes we just fall apart.

Now that I'm tackling a new parenting challenge the learning curve of my life has gone up again. I have a new summer reading list that I really was hoping to avoid, but that's part of how I cope. Once I have a label for a kid, then I research and read until my eyes are red. I take great hope in the sheer volume of written opinions out there. I figure there are other people out there who have walked a similar path before me and are consumed, much like I am, to share what they know in the hopes of helping another child or a fellow mom.

I've also learned that mainstream doesn't always mean it's the best. A lot of the "success" we've had with our boys came from less known methods and treatments. I'm not saying I'm intentionally seeking out the obscure, but I certainly wouldn't turn away from something just because no one I know has ever heard of it or tried it. I will follow my gut. I will go the route I believe best for each of the kids. I believe that as their mom, chosen by God, I know them best and my hunches about what will work or not work are usually right on.

And so it goes.

This roller coaster life of mine. There are personal ups and downs, parenting greats and parenting disasters, school to be taught and lessons to be learned--by all, not just the kids. There are decisions to be made, both large and small. There are realities to be accepted, dreams held close, priorities re-evaluated and revamped all among the laundry and dishes. The trick is to see God in it all. To wait and hear His instructions. To see the joy in each moment, to cherish each part whether it's washing grape juice off the floor for the 1000Th time, reminding everyone to flush, reading bed time stories or kissing damp, sleeping foreheads. There is a blessing in the bath tub falls and a joy in the daily math tantrum. There is a joy hidden in wet basements and flash floods. I'm sure of it.

It's really easy to loose perspective and really hard to get it back. It's much easier to be crabby and critical than to be patient and kind. It's easy to see all the ways something could go wrong or be bad. That's our human nature. It's real hard to look at each situation and see that perhaps you were put in it because God wants to bless you with it.

Twice in the last week, I've had it brought to my attention in just that manner. I've been dumped on by some people I know and I don't enjoy that. In talking with someone dear, she shared some hard won wisdom. She said, you know, I used to wonder why I had a dump here sign on my forehead, but now I know. I have that sign on my head, so that I can be blessed by praying for these women.

Wow.

It's sort of like we have attachment disorder with God. We need Him to be always holding our face, looking into our eyes and saying, "You're safe. I love you no matter what. I won't throw you away no matter what you do."

We are just like these kids. We forget. If it isn't being said over and over, we simply forget. We look at each thing for the ways it will be bad or wrong instead of the way God will use it to bless us. The kids look at us to see how bad they need to be before we throw them to the curb just like everyone else in their life has done. It takes a life time for them to believe our words.

How foolish we are. We are like that with God. He tells us over and over and even when we believe, we test again and again. Is this the time you throw me away?

He is ever patient and continues to hold our faces in His hands, saying, "You are safe. You are mine. I love you always and forever."