I'm scrambling as usual to pull it all together again. There is just a lot to make it through in every day around here. It's good, but very full.
Today we got back bunches of information medical wise about one of The Little Mr's and none of it is making me happy. We had to spend a part of our day at the local hospital getting some tests run and then I spent a part of my afternoon setting up more tests at Children's Hospital. All I can say, is not bad, but not so good.
They will long and uncomfortable tests. Nothing near what my nephew is enduring in his fight against cancer, but still way to much for a child. Any child.
I had so been hoping that this would be the year I would look at these boys and be able to declare them healthy. And that it would last longer than a deep breath or a single prayer.
It wasn't to be so.
These are the hardest parts of mama life, when the littles are so sick. These are the days that I am both weepy within and strict with them on the out side.
As parents we have such dreams and hopes for our kids, and for some of us, there is such great surrender required. We change our dreams over and over and each time, they become "less" but still dreams. They get more "primitive" as we dream for them simply to live, or simply to be healthy.
They we pray that we've been doing our jobs and they understand salvation as fully as their age will allow.
I want so very much to be out of this valley of unhealthy kids. It seems that I have been wandering there for 10 years. And there are days when it is simply just too hard.
2 comments:
Don't misunderstand. It's not a giving up sort of thing. That's not my take on life. We keep on going. We take the next step, what ever it might be. We do what ever it takes for each kid we have. That's just who we are.
Jen,
No one who knows you or Bill would ever think that you are giving up on anything. This is an incredibly hard time...beyond what I can imagine.
Know that through this whole thing - people love you and we are "holding the rope" - lowering you through the roof of the house to the feet of the savior - even when you don't have the strength or energy to do it for yourself. We'll be the "rope holders" for you now - as you are for us...that is part of what makes us family.
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