Foster The Grouch

I've been doing this foster care thing for a while now, and I like to think that I've learned well how to let things slide off me and how to leave things at the cross.

There are a few times though, when I feel like Foster the Grouch instead of a foster momma. Maybe it's just my momma bear in action. Who knows? What I do know is that there are two times when I feel cranky with a birth parent.

Now, there are plenty of times that I feel cranky about the whole dang system, the policies, the politics, the courts, the 10,000 people who all have their hand in a case claiming they're doing something "for the good of the child"--yeah, right.

Anyway.

One of the two times that I get cranked off with a birth parent is when they question my intentions, especially when I'm intentionally doing something I see as positive. Granted, I can be short sighted and forget to look at a situation thoroughly from another person's perspective, but still, when I'm the sole caregiver for your precious child, don't, I mean it, don't question my motives. I have yet to meet a birth parent that I didn't root for, pray for and sincerely hope that they would figure out all their stuff and get it together to have their kid back. That's the best thing for everyone, but sometimes it doesn't go that way.

The second time that I turn into Foster the Grouch is when I'm doing seemingly endless rounds of medical appointments or getting ready to take a child in for surgery. Every stinkin time I sit with a sick, crying baby in my arms, that has to endure some awful medical something, even a booster shot, I get cranky. I sit stewing just a little thinking where is that parent. This is the real deal in parenting. You should be here. This is where it all hits the fan because you have to be able to do these things for your child and for you to just allow someone else, some stranger, to be the one to hold and comfort your baby while he or she endures whatever necessary medical thing is happening, just plain cranks me up.

It's unfair to all of us. It's unfair to the child. They need their parent. Period. It's unfair to the birth parent. They need to learn to handle life with a child. They need to prove to everyone, themselves included, that they can do it. And can I tell you, even though I signed on for this, even though it's my "job", it's unfair. It feels unfair to be the go between, in this situation. I feel this way on holidays too. It feels unfair to ask me to fill up the hole that the birth parent leaves in a child by simply not being there. It's unfair because it's a hole too big for a simple replacement human to fill.

It's the rub of this job. Even the seemingly self-righteous crank drives me to prayer. I simply don't believe it's possible to live this life without dropping to my knees and being fully dependent on HIM to get by, to get through.