You Know You're A Mom When

• you put your drink on top of the fridge so that no one spills it, drinks it, or puts something unwanted into it
• you can understand any barley speaking, nuk sucking, whining, tantrum-ing toddler
• you are fluent in baby sign language
• you cut sandwiches into 1/4 inch squares
• you have a 4 foot tall pile of laundry that is nothing but sports uniforms
• you have equipment for 3-5 different sports in your van at all times
• your small car is a mini-van
• having 3 kids in 3 different activities at overlapping times on any given night seems normal
• you keep a cooler and pantry box in your van
• you have diapers, cars, dolls, stickers and rocks in your purse
• there are stickers on your back side
• your breakfast consists of the uneaten halves of 3 different pop tarts that everyone else decided they didn't like after eating the other 1 1/2 out of the bag
• your water softener runs daily because your dishwasher and wash machine each run at least twice daily
• there is first aid kit on each floor of the house and in each vehicle
• you visit the ER on a regular basis
• you hear yelling or fighting and you only open the door a crack to ask, "everything okay?" then close it again
• you can type with a toddler sitting on your lap eating cookies and drinking his mook
• you can change even the most nasty exploded diapers in under 10 minutes with a minimal number of wipes
• you wear out the knees in your jeans from crawling on the floor with your kids and their toys
• you wake up with more than 2 people in your bed and most of them are under 4 feet tall
• the most common thing you say is no touching, no hitting or no anything
• the next most common thing you say is I love you
• cheese is square and freakishly plastic
• veggies are served with ketchup
• your bath tub is full of buckets, cups, cars, boats, people and rubber duckies
• there are nearly 3000 shoes in your house, but only about 3 actual pairs and only one of those is yours
• you haven't watched prime time TV in decades but know every animated character and bad tween sit com actor