Tuesday, September 4, 2012
When you are speaking with someone, do you prefer to look them in the eye or talk over the phone?
The answer to this is a good solid "it depends".
I don't do a lot of eye contact in general. It's hard for me. It doesn't come naturally and I honestly have to consciously be thinking about doing it to make it happen. A character flaw, I know.
I think over the phone I am "braver" or more apt to say things more freely. I don't have the paranoia that you are staring at me while I speak and I can't be persuaded to change what I'm saying based on my seeing your reactions.
In person, I am much more restrained. I like to think of it as being wise after many lessons learned from saying things I wish I had never said, but perhaps it is more like one of my friends said, and I simply avoid conflict. Maybe it's just the lesson of why keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
Honestly, I don't know how true that is, because I piss off plenty of people and fight with some of my closest and most loved people, so...
I do, however, keep a lot of things to myself because I don't see the benefit of saying them.
It's sort of like if your husband or bestie has a habit that bugs you, there is a choice. Confront it, attack it, try to force them to change it, or have some grace and over look it. I am prone to over looking and letting it go instead of letting it grab a-hold of me. It feels like wasted energy to be stuck in that kind of stuff.
Even if a person asks me point blank about some thing, I may not give my most brutal honest truth or opinion about it. Especially if I believe that saying it wouldn't change it.
I am fiercely opinionated. About a lot of things. I am not going to shove it down your throat though. I may not even ever share it with you.
That doesn't make me bad or weak or a problem causer or delusional or whatever. I simply don't like putting energy into conflict.
Sometimes I keep my opinions to myself because I feel they won't be heard anyway. There are those people in life, even in my life, that cannot hear in a conversation. They speak and argue their points and facts and reasons until they win the conversation. It continues until you give in, give up, bow down, say you win, you're right, I was wrong and the most important, I"m sorry.
I don't like to apologize for what I think. Completely arrogant perhaps. Completely foolish probably. Definitely human.
So eye contact, for me, minimal...less and less as I get older. Conversations in person or by phone, I guess I'm a snob. I want interesting people, growing changing people. I don't like to listen to the same basic thing in your life with new settings week after week, year after year. We aren't meant to stagnate but to flourish.