This one's for you T.C.
And you Chicklet.
It's for you too, Guardian.
And The Drummer. And both Little Mr.'s. And Little Miss, and you too Mr. Monkey.
It's for all the "misfits" we collect here on our "island of broken toys". If you’re part of us, you understand that statement better than I could ever put words too.
She said it. It was mean and vicious and stupid. She cut you deep. Right to the core of the most sensitive, hidden place in your soul.
Somehow she saw the place and saw the wound and went for it. Over and over and over.
She was a bully.
People are so stupid and mean. People are bullies. As a collective society we are careless and thoughtless and judgmental.
Each one of you has lived this. You've been bullied by the outside pushing at you and telling you how much less than perfect you are. Each of you has bullied yourself, believing all the nonsense that you're less somehow because you aren't average.
At one time or another, sometimes it comes in waves; you've been fed the lies and swallowed them down whole.
Then you've fought back and survived, making peace with who you are, learning to love that person. You've learned to find the real people in your life who love the real you.
The lists of lies are long.
Perfect skin doesn't make you lovable. Being a size 2 doesn't make you beautiful. Straight A's don't make you successful as a human being. Being the perfect son or daughter doesn't make a parent say or do the things you're longing for them to do. Tall, thin and blonde doesn't equal the only opportunity for a life-long love. Living the life you think everyone else is expecting you to live won’t take make the things you really want to do or need to be go away. You can’t ever measure up to anyone else’s version of good enough without destroying the good that’s in you. God created you as you, He didn’t make a mistake, stop fighting Him and yourself, let yourself be who you were created to be. It is okay to live your life according to your own unique time frame. Get your jobs, your loves, your accomplishments when it’s time. Stop trying to force your life into someone else’s mold. Respect doesn’t come from the right jobs or friends. Friends don’t come from being in the right social circles. Taking a risk isn’t bad. Living your life, being alive isn’t wrong. It’s okay to be happy, find joy and have fun. It’s okay to relax and not be serious and striving every minute.
I have been struggling all day trying to find the right words to tell you this story.
smarter than you know
good, much more so than you believe
You aren't any of the lies the world is telling you. You aren't any of the lies the bullies throw around. You aren't the lies you tell yourself.
Remember the moments when you had peace? Remember the moments when you were OK with who you are? Do you remember how long and hard you fought to find that place, where you made peace with yourself, liked yourself, maybe even loved yourself when you thought the rest of the world would never accept you, understand you or love you?
You are a survivor. You've made your way to that place before and you'll make your way back again. You will ride these waves all your life, but it will get easier. Each time you'll see the lies quicker. Each time you'll be stronger than the time before.
For now, let me be the one to say the words.
That horrible mean person that bullied you was wrong. Those words coming out of that mouth were shallow, selfish and spiteful.
But you know that.
Can I tell you some other things?
A size does not make you beautiful. Having a body like a Barbie or a Victoria Secret model won't bring you the love of your life. Flawless skin won't make you likable. Perfect grades won't give you the answer to what you should be when you grow up. Trying to be someone you aren't never works. Living the life you believe others or even God expects of you will not make you happy. Lying to yourself will mess you up in the long run. Having the "right" friends or being the "good" social circles doesn't take away that loneliness. Protecting yourself so that no one ever gets in and hurts you doesn't work, they still find their ways and cut you deep. Worse, protecting your heart never lets you love.
You already knew these things too.
For your whole life you've been fighting the world and yourself. You've been surviving and succeeding. You have found your way to peace and long stretches of being better than okay with who you are. You've been learning to accept yourself and find the people in your life who accept you too. You are braver, bolder and wiser each day.
There are a few more things to say, and you already know all of these too, but sometimes you need to hear them said. They aren't said nearly often enough to you. These are the words you long for those certain people in your life to say and for whatever reasons it doesn't happen.
You are beautiful. You are smart. You will succeed, even beyond where you have success right now. You will find love. You are loved. I am proud of you. I really am. I like who you are even when you don’t. For the older ones, not my Little’s, you are plenty sexy when you want to be. You are not alone, even when you are most lonely. I do hear you and I do see you. I am impressed with you, from the large things you do, down to the smallest things, you shine.
Don’t let an angry, bitter, spoiled brat with vicious taunting words steal anything from you. It’s their loss not to have you in their life.
Those people who won’t give you the time of day aren’t worth one single second of your life. It’s their loss.
“Friends” who don’t make the effort, don’t know what they’re missing.
When they judge you without knowing a single thing about you, you’ll be able to judge clearly how much of yourself to invest.
One blog with some kind words and clichés won’t make it stop happening in your life. A few minutes of me saying nice things won’t change the world from dumping on you sometimes. It isn’t going to make people stop being stupid or nasty.
It might be a little reassurance that I mean the things I say to you. It might be a place to come back to on a dark day or a lonely night. It might be a little peace.