Delusional

I go through stretches in my life, long stretches in fact where I live in a sort of quasi-denial.  I kind of suspend reality in a way.  I am realistic.  I am pessimistic. And yet, somehow, I also deny a large chunk of so called reality.

What?

Hmm.  How to explain.  Maybe this song makes sense in context, in a way.

Sometimes I buy into things.  Sometimes I buy into lots of things.  Usually it all turns out OK.  Usually I'm not too far off with my gut feelings and so on.

Sometimes I wonder if I've been played.  Sometimes I wonder if I played myself.

Did I buy into the wrong person for all the wrong reasons because I liked having a fun friend?  Did I trick myself into thinking I could be something I can't be?  Did I let myself buy into certain things because they seemed easier or like there would be a happier ending or maybe even just an ending that I wanted?

Maybe I should have kept my head down.  Maybe I should have just tried harder to be like everyone else, not that I'm unique in any way right now.  Maybe there are no unicorns or mysteries.  Maybe the ideas that small people doing small things make a big difference or any difference anywhere is nothing more than a small idea from a small person wanting to be bigger.