Who Is The Mom?

I am the mom. 

Even on a day like today. 

I am the mom. 

Mr. Monkey graduated from pre-k today. 

I know. Pre-k graduation is dumb. At least I think it's dumb. 

Although just the fact that Monkey made it through is nothing short of an amazing accomplishment, to me, still silly. 

It should have been a day of pride and celebration. 

It's been a day of sadness and rage and big feelings in a small person. 

You see, even though I was there and Monkey calls me mom, someone else was longed for.

Wanted. 

All day Monkey raged at me. 

I might be the mom, but I am not her. 

I never will be. 

I bore the brunt of the tears and rage today. All the cuss words came my way. All the things thrown flew at me. 

The rage and sadness and big feelings are for her, but I bore them in her place. 

At the tiny ceremony, Monkey wanted her. 

His mom. 

All he had was me.