Thursday, October 31, 2013

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget just how big my kids little issues are.

I'm a pro at smoothing over things in my mind and not identifying as a special needs mom. It's not that I feel bad about, it's more that I don't want that to be my life's tagline. I don't want it to be my definer or my kids.

I am good at saying to myself, to my kids, to their teacher, to others, that they have quirks or a few issues. I say they can be hard and challenging.

Those things aren't untrue.

They are hard and challenging and quirky.

Sometimes those things are bigger than them.

I'm not a mom that gives a kid a pass because they have an issue. I don't know if you call it tough love or high expectations or denial or what, but I believe if I treat my kids as "normal" and give them the same standards to live up to as any other kid, they will find their way.

So my kiddo that struggles with writing and reading and basic letter identification and sounds and all that stuff gets extremely frustrated at being "behind" where the peers are at. This child wants to self label with words like stupid and failure and say "I suck" and "I'll never be able to" and so on.

I'm the mean, hard mom that doesn't give sympathy or agree and say yes it's too hard, you're special. Instead I tell my kiddo you're right, it's hard and it stinks that you can't do it yet. Then we talk about how life isn't fair. No people are the same. Some people have to work harder and longer to learn the things that others seem to pick up in a moment. We talk about how everyone has things that are hard for them.

Just because something is hard for you to learn or do doesn't make you so special that you get to quit or give up or behave badly.

It will probably take this kiddo years to learn to "behave" and "cope" with things that are little things or non-things to other kids in the peer group.

That doesn't mean this kiddo won't learn it.

Sometimes there is a day like today when I am literally surprised and laugh out loud when a crisis happens. I am so busy treating my kid like a kid that I forget about the issues and the glitches until they pop up.

I'm thankful that I had the means today to take the call from the classroom, assess the crisis, hop in my truck head to Target and fix the problem. I'm grateful for a school staff that gets it when I rush in, skip the office formalities, make my own visitor pass with a tap on the glass and a wave through the window and hustle off down the hall to head off the crisis before it becomes a day ender. I appreciate all they do, all the tricks up their sleeves and creative crazy brain storming that happens on the fly to try to route this kiddo back to the business of learning.

I reserve my right to later on have a moment where I envy the other families that don't have incapacitating dilemmas with their kids because a shoe that was perfect an hour ago is now life altering or the noise is too noisy or food feels wrong or places have smells. I will be jealous only for a moment of families that can travel without practicing for weeks ahead of time or approach a vacation as a challenge to get through without an epic disaster.

It's quiet again in my world and my kiddo's. I'll go back to making tuna casserole and finding a plot line. I'll head back to believing my kid is just like your kid, except for maybe a little glitch here and there.

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