I love my life here and now. Exactly as it is in this very moment.
I linger. I miss certain moments past. People. Places.
Today as I drove around town in my van, sunlight blaring in, warming little faces in the back seats, I was content. Perfectly at peace. Certain that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. Even feeling certain that the life I live here, different than any version of my life so far, was exactly what He had requested of me.
And in a breath, a curve in the road, a turn in the music on the radio, I was lost. Longing. I wanted to go back to where I lived before. I wanted that back. Not so much that life, as I wanted the familiarity of that city. The familiarity of my friends.
I wanted the familiarity of who I was.
I liked who I was and it was easier then.
It's not really true. Life wasn't easier. In most respects, it was much harder. But I examined less. I knew myself less than I do now.
I love who I've become since moving here. I love the person I am growing into. I'm stunned, pleasantly, to be growing so much at such a late stage in the game.
Blessings stroll into your daily life on little hedgehog toes. Sneaking along. Stealing in to your heart on baby kisses.
It's all good you know. I have new friends. New familiar spots. But I still have an ache in my heart for friends left behind. Almost none of us are left in the starting spot anymore. Our lives have moved us around the country. But you've not moved from my heart.
And there have been times these last few weeks that have challenged me, pushed me hard, worn me down to my very last ounce of energy and I've stood still, alone in my kitchen, in the dead of night, thinking what I wouldn't give for just one round of tea and hugs. In your ordinary ways, living ordinary lives, you have left extraordinary impressions on me. And I miss you. I miss the gifts you've shared with me over the years. I miss the time we spent together. I miss your encouragement.
But I'm not lost. And I'm not alone. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. And I'm becoming who He designed me to be.