Speechless

I have actually been speechless since Wednesday night.

I have so much to say and yet I'm sure none of it should leave my mouth.

Some curious events have been transpiring lately. People and organizations have been showing their true colors.

I wish I could say I'm surprised. I can't.

I can say I'm utterly disappointed. I had such high hopes. As pessimistic as I am--I really like to think I'm just realistically optimistic, but that's another topic--I had thought I'd be wrong. I had hoped I was completely wrong. And yet, here I sit, discouraged.

It's sad really. There's a whole group of people that my heart breaks for.

About the only thing left for me to do is stay the course. I will continue to be open and honest. I will not gossip. I will not bad-mouth any part of this. I will try to be a quiet and gentle spirit. I will pray. More.

Not only will I pray for these people and this situation, but I will be in prayer for myself. Prayer that if and when I am wrong, I will be corrected, that I will be broken when I need to be. I pray that if I'm the problem in this whole situation, then that will be made clear to me and I will be shown what to do about it all. I don't ever want to be a stumbling block to another Christian's life or faith.

On that note, though, I really believe some of the small stuff doesn't matter. Don't misunderstand. I care. I care so deeply that I'm in this mess in the first place. You see, I want my friends, neighbors, heck, even people I don't know yet, to know the Lord, to be saved and to grow in their walk with God. What I don't care about is which brick building they do it in. In my mind, as long as the person doing the teaching is teaching Biblical truth, and teaching the followers how to feed themselves--my understanding of a mature Christian--then, truly, I don't care. It can be in the brick square I think of as home or any other that fits their style.

I could go on, but this begins to border on gossip, and I won't go there. I also think, in the end it doesn't matter. I write here all alone. It seems my readers have left me. Again.

Silence is profound.

I've thought that a lot over the last few weeks as all this crazy, stupid, petty stuff has gone on.