Today my journey expands. I'll be starting a 6 month stretch of Tae Kwon Do. The Little Mr.'s are going already and loving it. I start today. I'm hoping it's as fun as it looks and as easy too. I suspect it's a lot harder work than it appears and I'll be having some sore muscles for a while.
I'm also working on a court form for The Little Miss. I've been avoiding it for a week or so. The questions are thinkers and are really making me stop and think about the future of this little one. It's a hard road to look down. Every fork in this road is tainted with sadness. No matter where she ends up or how long it takes her to get there, there will be some loss. There already is. When I'm just living the day to day with her and playing the role of mom, it's easy to ignore the uncertain path she's on. It's easy to forget all the sadness this little one has already had and will later have, even if she gets a "happy ending". Part of the problem is the multiple happy endings available. Sometimes it seems like each party involved has a different idea of what the ending looks like. We're all supposed to be on the same page, and in a way we are, but in a way we're really not.
I can't explain it really, other than to say that this foster care thing is hard and awful, yet good and rich and right. Somehow it's all things rolled into one. But isn't that how a lot of really great things in life are? The bad and good are all tied together in such an inseparable way that it's all one package. Because it's a people thing it's just like any relationship that changes your life. They shake you and stretch you and set you off and yet you would stop the world for them.
Plain and simple. I guess it's just love.