Back To School

Well, not really, not for us yet anyway, but everyone across the country is thinking about it right now, even if they don't have any kids "in the system." By the way, isn't that a funny, well, not really, but funny phrase to use when talking about kids in school? Kids in the system? Hmm, could be the legal system, could be foster care system, oh no, wait, I mean the educational system. Um, yeah, OK.

Just today I got an email asking my opinion on when would be a good time to do a homeschool program.

The longer I've thought about it, the answer is never.

Huh?

We're a fickle group, we homeschoolers. In a way, we're worse than regular schoolers, because we suffer from greed. We think we can have it all. It's sort of like the women from decades ago who believed that they could have full time careers and still be full time moms and full time wives without repercussions. Over the years, women have developed ways to balance all their desires and many women do successfully, "have it all" but as homeschoolers, we're not there yet.

For us homeschoolers though, this need to have it all ways, and often "be Christian" about it, leaves us paralyzed and doing nothing. There is no way to accommodate every one's wants and not hurt any one's feelings or step on any one's toes. We're a group of women who are all in mama bear mode all the time.

We really don't need to be so defensive with each other, but it seems that for the first decade or so of homeschool you are always insecure. You are always doubting that you're doing enough, that the kids are retaining enough, that your making good choices. Wait, that's not it at all, it's are you making great choices, perfect choices.

For years now, it's been heaped on us homeschoolers our burden of guilt. We pass it on to our fellow parent-teachers and our children-students. The big They, who ever that is, has been telling us over and over that each one of us needs to be setting a good example, because They're watching. Who is this They anyway and why are we so afraid of them? We've been told over and over all the "rules". Don't go do errands during the school day. Don't answer the door. Don't ever talk to a social worker. Don't play outside, even in your own yard, during the school hours. Never mind that regular schoolers have recess.

Still not understanding? it's OK, I've been at this homeschool thing for years now, and I'm just starting to sort out the things I've always felt in the back of my mind, but not really understood.

As teachers we want to grow students that we can be proud of. As parents we want to be raising kids who will follow our values and be a success in society. As homeschool moms we want to validate our choices. As Christians we want to prove that this is a part of our calling. On top of all that, we want to protect our kids.

I think that what happens too often is that we try so hard to meet all these different things to the extreme, that we end up in trouble. We focus too much on the book learning and produce smart but flat people. We focus to much on our missions and then raise extremists. We focus on fears and isolate ourselves or over involve ourselves. Our pendulum is swinging, but we haven't found the middle yet.

The question posed to me was when should we hold this once a month, 2 hour activity, so that the most families could attend or participate.

Could we do it in the morning on a weekday?
No, definitely not on a Monday, as all the serious schoolers are trying their best to get their school week off on the right foot. The rest of the mornings are for the youngest of the kids to be napping while their siblings do their core studies.

OK, so how about the afternoon?
No, won't work. See the afternoon is for the enrichment type classes, lessons and sports. It's also the time for naps for siblings.

Well, how about the evenings?
No, never!! Picture with me for a second, all the prim moms getting their hackles up because we've even suggested invading the precious dinner hour and after dinner family time.

Weekends?
No way! The weekend is for sports, family and religion.

Yup, that's the way it is. At least, that's the way it often seems to me. We really want it all. We really seem to think we can have it all.

This doesn't even touch that we want our books and supplies to be cheap. Really cheap. We want all our local places to provide special homeschool sessions, classes or lessons. We want discounts, extra grace for when we have other things to do, or when our kids get sick. We want some special treatment for our kids because of a long list of excuses which sometimes translates to, our kids just aren't that used to taking instructions from someone who isn't mom, or getting along with kids who aren't our sibs. We want to use public meeting facilities for free or reduced rates. We get cranky when a place does offer a special homeschool class or session for a year or two and then cancels it for lack of participation. Remember what I just said about when is a good time to schedule a homeschool program?

Now, of course, this isn't everyone. Homeschoolers are a really large and diverse group. No two really look alike, even those who all dress in denim jumpers with all their daughters in matching dresses walking along behind them in a single file line...um, yeah, well, our group isn't immune to stereotypes or clicks either.

The difference seems to be, though, that regular schoolers, expect that school and all it's related activities will interfere with life. They work around it. They just plain deal with it. Those moms who have kids in school and babes at home figure out a way to deal with the kindergarten kid whose school day ends in the middle of nap time. The regular schoolers figure out how to juggle the afterschool program for reading with the dinner hour. The working parents figure out how to be the field trip parent. The busy nursing mom finds a way to be the room mom too.

We homeschoolers need to suck it up a bit. We need to stop being afraid of our fellow homeschoolers, afraid of our mistakes, afraid of ourselves. We need to stop jumping and screaming every time we see our shadow. We don't really have all that much to be afraid of.

Ourselves or even the regular schoolers.

In the end, we're all wanting the same thing.

We want the best for our kids and each one of us is unique. Each family has it's own style and we each need to be true to our families.

So as back to school looms like a late August thunderstorm in the sky, just rest in your choice. Do your best and be your best.