Visits

Today is the start of a whole new brand of madness. The large--and I truly mean large--group of people involved in Little Miss's case start coming over.

They all have different reasons for their visits, but essentially, it's all the same. They're checking to see if we're "fit" parents or a "safe" family. Each person has their own set of forms and questions and finds their own way to walk through the house and check it out, but you can rest assured, it's all the same thing.

Somehow, this all has a different weight to it.

Long, long ago, when The Mr. and I thought about having kids, it was different. It was a big decision, but it still was something we went into all love and kisses and fantasy. We just sort of thought well, you're a couple, you're married, then you have kids. It's just what you do, everyone does it. What ever. I know, sounds genius doesn't it?

But it's hard to really explain, what makes a couple decide to have kids.

Our journey, wasn't so simple of course. Our first pregnancy didn't go as planned at all. Our second brought us The Little Mr. Far and away one of the most difficult and challenging children on the planet, complete with never ending medical issues. Somehow after a few years we had amnesia and got pregnant a third time. The Littlest Mr. was like a reward, a delightful and easy baby. His pleasant tendency has continued to this day.

Once again, we seem to have lost our minds, well, not really, it was truly that we answered yes when God asked, and we became foster parents. Slightly cocky after our own very challenging kids, we thought we could handle a lot. Foster kids are tough in their own way and so we grew again.

When we entered the foster care system, we were very clear, our motive was to see families put back together. We were helpers, just sort of waiting out the time it took to see a family get back on it's feet. We would only adopt if it was the "right kid at the right time" and that God confirmed it.

Well, as life has gone on this past year and a half with Little Miss, we've had to look at it a little more. She is the right kid at the right time. No doubt about it. God seems to be confirming it too.

But this is an interesting thing, in my mind, the choice to adopt is far harder to make than the choice to get pregnant.

Surprised? Yeah, so am I.

Perhaps, it is just adopting out of foster care.

See, when we decided to go ahead and make babies, no one said or did anything. Now that I'm considering adopting, and adopting out of foster care, there are people coming out of the woodwork to see if I am in fact, qualified.

Um, hello? Already a mom? Already have some kids?

Anyway.

I think the hard part on my side, comes even less from the state people and all their tests. I think it comes from recognizing the unspoken. By adopting this child out of foster care, I'm holding myself up, holding myself out there and saying, yes, in fact, I am a better parent than you, or at least a better parent than this child's birth parents.

That's a pretty high pedestal.

I'm pretty sure I don't really want to stand on it.

I'm not so sure I am a better parent and to have people thinking I might be, well, as my teen friends would say, whoa, awkward!

I think that successful parenting comes down to just a few things. One of them is being there. Being a good mom or dad requires showing up.

It's that simple. Show up.

The next part is saying you're sorry. It doesn't matter how well trained you are or how Christian or how self-controlled or how many parenting books you've read or whatever, out of good intentions, out of love, out of exhaustion or just plain out of being human, you're going to make mistakes as a parent.

The difference is saying you're sorry. Mistakes happen by accident, apology happens on purpose.

The next part is to be always learning and growing. There is no room in parenting to be stagnant.

All in all, I'm no mom to be putting on a pedestal and I'm not going anywhere near any ladders to climb up. I'm not better than any other parent out there.

But, I said yes to God.
I show up.
I say I'm sorry and I really, really mean it when I say it.
And I learn.
And learn.
And learn.