Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Saint, I Am Not

What can I say, the days are going by in a blur. We're working hard at adapting to being a four kid family. I'd say, so far, so good.

Seems like we got most of our melt downs out of the way yesterday and today is going quite smoothly. That said, I expect it to blow up in the next 20 minutes or so. That is how it works, you know.

We get a lot of different responses when people get to know us. We live a life that is normal to us, but unusual for others. Home school, special needs, foster care, sports, music and Bible study seems normal to us. I guess when you see it from the outside, it doesn't look like anything close to normal.

I'm still, after 3+ years of doing this, working on my responses to people's comments.

Yesterday, I got one from an acquaintance. Up until then, I thought she was all right and could over time, even move into the friend category, albeit a more distant sort of friend. But then, she spoke. Why do people do that!

I know, let it go, move on, don't let people get to you with their constant need to chatter nonsense every moment. I generally do move on, but a day later, I'm still thinking about this one.

So we were at sports practice and she sees me from across the room. I'm holding The Little Miss in my arms as she REALLY likes to dart into practice and disrupt it. This is not the sort of relaxed practices that one can allow that sort of thing to happen more than say once every 6 months or so. I have Little One in the carrier car seat at my feet.

She sports this fake look of disbelief and mock shock on her face and says, "Did they really give you another one? Did you really TAKE another one?" At this, the whole lobby turns around to watch/listen to our exchange.

This is partially God's sense of humor. He made me, He knows me, He knows how much I HATE, HATE, HATE to be noticed in any way, shape or form. So this was just extra special.

A day later, now, I'm thinking, wow, genius, aren't you. Yes, I have a sarcasm issue.

Then she says, "What are you trying to do, be a saint or something?"

OK, yup, that one is still sticking with me.

In a bad sort of way.

Saint I am not, nor will I ever be. In fact, yesterday was one of my most awful, sin-filled days ever. Talk about a mama not showing too many fruits of the spirit, that was me. Definitely not a 12 hours that I'm proud of or would ever like to see again, unless I had a magical do over and could do it right!!

One of the bad parts or hard parts, is that I DO do this foster care thing because of my faith. I am certain that God has asked me to do this for this season of my life. Why? Not a clue. Is it working in me? Like you have no idea. Is it working in my whole family, both tiny and extended? You better believe it. Does it impact others around us in our many circles? Without a doubt.

One of my life goals is to be a Christian that actually LIVES a Christian life. I don't like being guilty of talking the talk and walking some other walk. I try to live a life that is the same, all the time, in all circumstances. I strive to be the same person in every setting. Like everyone else, there are settings where I'm more transparent than others, but who I am is who I am. All the time.

Again, so far from perfect it isn't funny, but striving none the less. I want to be so in tune with God and his requests of me that saying yes to His ask is the most natural thing ever.

So, that was a comment that really stung hard. I've been left wondering and hoping that that isn't how people see me at all. I hope they see instead, well, just about anything else.

4 comments:

Karies place said...

Hey Jen it's Karie. I haven't read too far into your blog, but it sounds like you are very busy. Check out my blog and let me know what you think of the design.

Hope to see you one day soon.

Karie

Anonymous said...

Jen,

I believe doing what you are called to do 'is doing' the right thing and seems normal and everyday to you. Not everyone sees it that way. I look at it in a heart way. My heart is just way too big for me not to want to give more, do more, love more. If you have the passion, desire, and love to do it, God will give you the strength and endurance you need. People just don't understand sometimes, and may never will.

Kirsten

Mr. BlackSheep said...

Now Jen... I hear what you're saying about not being a Saint and all... but it just ain't true, girl! You ARE a saint, whether you feel like one or not. And that's not me saying it, that's God's Word (See Acts, Romans, Corinthians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Timothy, or many, many more).

Here's the cold hard facts: God's Word is truth, He says you're a saint, and now you have a choice to make... do you believe God about what He says about you, or do you believe God to be a liar? That's what's really happening when we don't believe His truth about us. Feelings come and go... the truths of God's Word are steady and eternal.
You're a saint... I'm a saint, regardless of how our day goes or how we feel about our victories or shortcomings.

Jen said...

Oops, sorry, misunderstanding...I meant saint as in perfect...I am no where near perfect...