I've been quiet for a day or two, so it's time for some updates.
The weekend was crazy busy, but mostly good. The boys did well at tournament and really loved it. It is a bit on the overwhelming side, though and we've had a few days of behavior fall out to deal with. We also had grandma and grandpa and the great charity gala. Again, the kids loved hanging with grandma and grandpa. We had a great time at the gala and shopped a lot for charity. Always fun.
Sunday was the general insanity of trying to squeeze in the whole weekend's worth of errands and yard work and house work into one day. Full does not really describe it.
Monday morning meant an early trip to Children's Hospital with Little One. He's doing just great. He's gaining tons of weight and seems to be improving over all.
Monday afternoon is where the world started to turn upside down. Somehow along the line here I've lost my bearing and I'm having a hard time getting it back.
God answers prayers. That's the truth. It just isn't always the way we think it should be or the way we want it to be.
For two years now, I have prayed for Little Miss. I've prayed that what ever happens in her world or life would be what is best for her according to His will.
Now somehow as time has gone by adding her to our family forever seemed like it would be an option. Hearings have come and gone and with each passing one, the "pros" have made it seem like more and more of a sure thing.
That is, until Monday. Just before that hearing we learned that there is another family, potentially blood relative among other great qualifiers, that is interested and willing to adopt our Little Miss.
Well, the "pros" are still talking that we're the sure thing, but some other people aren't nearly so sure. Quite honestly I feel like I'm in a storm, under some great cloud and can't see God. I'm looking and looking and searching and straining to see anything, even a hint, and I can't. I see nothing.
Now, I know better than anyone God has not abandoned me. He has not left Little Miss. He has not been surprised by this new development.
I might have been surprised, even though I was expecting to see "every trick in the book".
I am searching to find joy and blessing in this uncertanity, for I know it is there somewhere. I am trying to rest easy in my own prayer because even though my selfish heart aches at the possiblities, I really, truly do want what is best for her.
More than I want to be able to call her daughter, I want what is best for her.