Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Well, Of Course It Isn't Working Out

That's just how things go.

I spent part of my night in a wonderful Bible. I had some great ideas about things I really wanted to share and write about, but, I also have a baby.

That baby isn't real interested in sleeping tonight.

So, what you're going to get is a few brief notes that I hope will jog my memory tomorrow.

Tonight--The Christmas Story--The classic version in Luke, but we also looked at Matthew.

Our verse--My verse--Luke 1:38

Mary responded, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever He wants. May everything you have said come true." And then the angel left.

I am willing to accept whatever He wants.

willing to accept whatever

It relates, believe me, it relates.

With Little Miss God said wait, for now, just wait.

Inside my cloudy sleep deprived mind, this makes crystal clear sense.

Perhaps with daylight and coffee I'll have some clarity for all of us.

Either way, I know I'll be dwelling on this verse for a while. I think it may be like the year or so that I was constantly repeating the verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, and He will make your paths straight."

Back then I was in transition from a life I couldn't even begin to make sense of to a life filled with the promise of hope.

Even now, I can picture myself, walking around and around the block with my dog, focused on nothing but that verse. It was almost like a mantra that I chanted to sooth my soul.

For a long time, I did not understand and parts of it all I still don't understand, but I've learned a lot since then. Reading that Bible will do that to you. As I read, I learned, we aren't meant to understand all that God understands. That would be too much for us.

Now, again, I find myself in a stretch of life that is filled up with segments that I don't and can't understand, but I no longer feel the need to strive to find that understanding, but I'm not Mary either.

Most times I'm not able to "willingly accept whatever He wants".

It's the willingly part that trips me up.

My will is real strong, but it's not a will that willingly bends to God. I'm human after all, a human after the fall. My will wants what it wants, just like a two year old.

And there you have some jumbled up late night thoughts.

Now, I'm hoping the medicine has kicked in for the baby, he's sleeping soundly and I can feed him and crawl, weary to bed, just so I can get up and do it all again at 3:30AM.

The things we do for the least of these...

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