Sometime I Want Off The Ride

Here's the thing, just like everyone else, sometimes my life piles up on me and I just want to yell, stop, let me off!!

But I can't. And in a way, I can't even complain about it because as everyone so often reminds me, I chose this life. I'm often told that I could have or maybe even should have stopped with the two kids born of my body and not offered up my sanity and other resources to all those broken and tossed out kids in the foster system.

I'll admit. There are some moments when I look over at The Little Mr.'s and think, yup, that was stupid. We could be so far beyond strollers and diapers and well into PG-13 movies and late bed times.

We're not. And we chose to be here. With little ones. And in spite of herself, I would never un-adopt Little Miss. I wouldn't change anything about her or the whole ride. It's a part of who we both are. It's a part of our stories.

But some days. Some days. Some days, I'd love to be the family that no one stares at. I'd love to be the mom that can take her kids to the park without any one of them being bullies.

Then when I get in this mental rut and I add on being dang tired by the sheer physical drain of living this crazy life, the little things become too much.

A week or so ago I came home to find big rocks on the corner of what I thought was my lot, right next to my drive way. Turns out, we were a bit misinformed by our real estate agent years ago and this is in fact not part of our lawn, but the neighbors. Whatever. Grass is grass. Who cares.

I just moved the rocks so I wouldn't hit them with my van when I backed out. Funny thing is, the next morning, the rocks were back in the corner. I laughed, chalked it up to kids and moved them again. Later in the day they came back, along with a very snotty lecture from the little girl next door. The Littlest Mr. bore the brunt of that one.

The next morning, in the pouring rain, I did hit those stinking rocks with my van while trying to back out. Not good. Then I had to go out in the rain and now, mud, to put the stupid rocks back.

Next came the fence foreshadowing. A nice burly group of guys came out to measure and mark property lines. Right up to the corner of my driveway. They can't even make the marks without putting orange cones in my drive.

Over the weekend, that sweet little girl next door gave us another talking too. We had friends over, so that meant 6 kids all running around, riding bikes, scooters and skateboards. One of the skateboards got left on the sidewalk in front of what we now know is "their" yard. I'm not kidding you, this little girl picked up it, threw it at my kid and said, keep your junk off my property.

Sigh.

I've spent an entire month trying to use the "easy and efficient" email method to send in my first assignment for school. Well, just today, I've finally gotten to the bottom of the issue. The very first set of instructions they sent to me in April, telling me how to send in my lesson, had an incorrect email address for my teacher. Now that my assignment is basically late, they are trying to convince me it's my own fault.

My list of things I'm wanting to get done, the things I meant to get done, the things I have to get done is simply insane.

Normally, I'm really great at letting all this junk just wash over me and keep on going, but I'm telling you what, it's getting to me.

I'm tired. I know these are the hard years. I know it. I look at the calendar and know it better than you can imagine. Suddenly the next months of my life are going to be consumed with dirty sports uniforms, empty Gatorade bottles and endless hours in my van. I'd love a moment of quiet. I'd love to sleep in. Once.

And I get to the bottom of my whine and complaint and know that it's not worth it. The whine, I mean. This is a good life. A great life really. An insanely blessed life. The hard I have is nothing in comparison. It's a privilege to have what I have, fences and kids and all that goes with it.