Friday, August 20, 2010

Strange Tid Bits From My Mind

Today, besides the big video below, I'm giving you a conglomerate of odd things from my mind.

First, I can't believe that I have a kid playing tackle football. I can't believe that the equipment came with an entire page of cleaning and care instructions. I can't believe I'm following those instructions and that I'm forever picking up cleats and jocks and such. Who knew?

Next, I'm clearly processing my oldest child entering middle school. I had the strangest dream last night. I was myself, my current age, but I was entering high school again. I was a new student, but I also knew that I had been there before and already done high school. I had a schedule and thought I knew where everything was, but I had to wait in line to enter the school. They were only letting new kids come in through one door and we were all waiting. Once inside, it was my old school, CHS, but it was all under construction with plywood everywhere and smelling like cut wood. I couldn't find any of the classes on my schedule because of all the construction and they had this other rule, because I was short, I had to be on stilts. So I'm wandering through all these halls that are sort of familiar but not really and they're crowded with kids and I'm on these stilts. Yeah, I know, but it's my dream. So then I'm walking down this hall and feeling really bad about the whole thing when suddenly I hear my friend singing from behind a closed door. She has the most amazing voice, really, truly, in real life her voice is amazing. So I hear Shelly singing behind this door and then I just start crying because it's so beautiful and now I at least know that there is one person I know and now I'll be able to figure this all out. Then, I hear a person saying, over and over, "Mom, can I watch TV? Mom? Can I? Can I watch TV?"

Yup, my life is fun like that. And no, not really a strange snack before bed or anything like that. I had pizza for dinner and no snack.

**Warning** Adult content to follow

Late last night I debated about leaving this as a Facebook status or a blog title: "You can't have a drunk body and a sober penis."

Got your attention didn't it?

So I'm watching the 10 O'clock news and having my glass of water when they come on with this story that just made me shake my head. Here's the short version.

Girl goes to local bar. Leaves keys on bar while she drinks. Man at bar steals keys. (He did. They have the surveillance tape.) She tells bartender keys are missing. Goes home. Enters through window. (???) Goes to bed. Wakes up to man standing at foot of bed. He holds knife to her, rapes her twice and cuts her back.

The man claims he was so drunk he doesn't remember any of this and couldn't possibly have done it. His DNA matches. The video shows him taking the keys.

So drunk you don't remember? Sorry, not buying it. If you're too drunk to remember, you're most likely too drunk to open a lock on a door without waking a sleeping person, especially if you've never used that door, key or lock. Then I'd guess you'd be too drunk to wander through a strangers home to find them sleeping in the bedroom without waking them up. That's pretty stealth staggering for someone who is too drunk to remember what they did. Then we get to the rape part, so he's so drunk he can't remember, but he's, um not to be overly graphic, but able to rape someone twice?? I'm obviously not a man, but that would seem to me to be two things that are not mutually likely, being that drunk and being that, shall we say, active!?!

Just saying. It falls into my stupid criminal category. Also adding a small disclaimer to say not such a bright girl either, keys on the bar, climbing in through a window, um, might be time to grow up a little more and make some better choices.

Next, our trash and recycling pick up men are not geniuses. We're down to recycling pick up every other week and about once a month I get one of those big orange you-did-it-wrong stickers stuck to my blue boxes and my pile of stuff gets left at the curb. Can I tell you that I really just want to stuff it all into big black trash bags and throw it all out? It seems I fail repeatedly at folding the cardboard small enough and sorting it thoroughly from the plastic and glass. I have discovered that unless they are in physically separate containers, I get the orange stupid-sticker. So this time around I filled up our 2 blue bins with glass and plastic and put my cardboard into a smallish cardboard box and a plastic milk crate. The recycling guys came first. They took everything, no stupid sticker for me this week, and on my side of the window I did a little happy dance. Then I went to toss in a load of laundry, because that's my life and how I use my "free" time. When I came back the trash guys had come. Just moments ago I went out to bring in all my bins and discovered my trash guys threw away my plastic milk crate. What?? Wouldn't it be recycling, being plastic and all? Didn't it look like it was a container, seeing as how it was sitting with the blue recycling boxes? Sigh.

In other notes, foster care land is so crazy right now, I can't even talk about it. The end of summer, start of school frenzy is intense around here. I'm looking forward to my ladies get away weekend. My brother is still sick, so keep praying. And my neighbor is training her 12yo son to mow the lawn and it's seriously freaking me out. I can not watch. He's little, same size as our Little Mr. I wouldn't send him out to mow for a couple more years at least unless we suddenly get some enormous growth spurt.

Happy weekend everyone, see you in the comments! Why don't you tell us your strangest dream.


stephseef said...

i have *not* laughed this hard in a very, very long time. Best. Blog. Post. Ever.

It was probably so funny because I could so deeply relate. I have SO many 'you're doing it wrong' stickers from the recycling Nazis, you wouldn't believe it.

Or, maybe, you would.

Jen said...

And they. took. my. box.

I'm still suffering the injustice of my lone plastic milk know it, the one shlepped around from dorm room to appartment to basement to...sigh...landfill.