In a way, I'm making progress. My brain is very cloudy but I'm at least making to do lists and checking things off. I just keep leaving things off the list, like sort out and pack all the things going away with Little One.
Every once in a while, I come unglued though, like today. The Mr. asked me if I wanted to do anything special with Little One before he left.
Insert tears here.
Yes! I want to video tape every single moment of the next 20 days. I want to give him 20 years of hugs and kisses and momma advice. I want to buy him his next pair of shoes, take a million photos and write him letters. I want to make all the memories right now instead of over the years.
The Mr. wanted to get him his first baseball glove, and then another one for when he's older and bigger, and then another and...
We want to give the Bibles he'll want as he grows. His first bike.
Did I mention hugs?
I want to breath him in and feel his weight in my arms and never forget.
But reality is, 20 days will slip by just like all the others. They'll be ordinary and busy and average. Then they'll be gone.
We'll be in court and then it will be over.
It feels unsettled to me and I can't decide if I'm just having foggy brain due to heart ache or if there is real reason for this to be yet unsettled. We have a big, big God my friends and I don't even begin to pretend like I could know what will come next.