Thursday, September 30, 2010

We're No Abrahams, But...

Life is interesting to say the least. The blog is in a downer rut, but here at the blog, I write about our life and our life is in a bit of a downer rut. It's a tough stretch. I could bore you with how I'm packing up boxes of Little One's toys and books and crying my eyes out, but that's dull. I could share with you all the guilt I have when I take a few hours away from him to go out with the ladies or head away for the weekend to a conference, but I won't, because putting life on hold just isn't something I do well. I could tell you about all the insane and disastrous things that have been happening to us and to our friends who are praying on behalf of Little One, but really, right now, it's almost too scary for me to see it in print.

Just a few days ago, The Mr. said, you know, this is our Genesis story. In a way it is, so grab a cup of coffee and get comfy.

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.
Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Issac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one side of the mountains I will tell you about."

A summons arrives in the mail. It is basically the first concrete information we receive that the new plan is to move Little One and it carries the brutal news that it could be immediate.

Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Issac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

I have begun the process of packing up Little One. It is a seemingly endless task of trying to determine what is his and what is ours. It is hard to figure out which of the toys loved by all the kids will go and which will stay. He cries when I put his toys and books into boxes.

We have not yet reached the third day, but the time is going by fast and it is getting closer and closer. I can easily look up and see the court date looming.

I don't have servants. But I do have a circle of people standing with me and to them I have said, we will return. I know the probability is low. In fact, next to impossible. I am hearing you when you remind me that even if the outcome is not what I want it to be, God is still working through this for His glory and Little One's good, but on the same hand, I have faith. In my life, I have seen God do the most amazing things and so until the very last minute, I will be praying expectantly, believing that God will do the unexpected. I am willing to stand out here on my own, alone, saying I am praying big, bigger than I should, for the ultimate, that somehow all three will join us. There, I've said it out loud again. You can call me the fool later, shake your heads and tell me, I told you so. I'm still selling out for God until I have to accept a different answer.

Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
"Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.
"The fire and the wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"
Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

I have done all the things that I can do in this case. I've said the things that needed to be said. I've given the care I was asked to give. It is simply, now, up to God. And I am content in that.

When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

I always picture Abraham doing this with a shaking hand and tears running down his face.

Soon it will be the court date. Soon the hours of that day will have slipped past and it will be time. All his things will be packed. All of them. Many, many photos will have been taken, and movies too. He will have been hugged and kissed and cuddled until he pushes us off and runs to play. The siblings will have all said their goodbyes.

I will be ready to stretch out my arm to pass him along to his next family and in the same breath I will be waiting to say, "Here I am."

"Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."
Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

I don't know if there will be a ram in my thicket waiting for me, I don't know if God will say, wait a second here, let's do something else, but, I do know, that when I do exactly as asked by God without holding back, He moves. Something always happens. I'm going to keep on going, doing what God asks of me and then waiting with great expectation.