Wednesday, December 1, 2010


It's December and I am thankful.

Simply thankful that it's not November.

It was a tough one for me. I'm not sure I'll ever see November quite the same way.

Today over at One Minute Writer the prompt is the love/hate of December. I'm giving my hat tip to her and taking this idea for today. I, however, am wordy and have more than a minutes worth of thoughts on December.

December is a lot of things to me. Usually it's an emotional ride. It is bittersweet and reflective and melancholy.

I'm not sure exactly when it switched over from the giddy childish anticipation of the big event to what I have now, but it did.

I find Christmas and Easter to be a time of the year that is so intense I struggle to give it words.

The majesty and miracles of the season lay me open and raw in a way I cherish and yet, almost dread in a way. I don't have the words, I don't know that I ever will, to explain the feelings of these two seasons that to me are so tied together, that I am almost unable to separate them.

I feel like a veil is lifted in those weeks. I feel like miracles, like God Himself is standing so much closer in those weeks, as if we just focused more intently we could reach out our hand and take His.

I'm equally frustrated with everything about these seasons.

I hate required gift shopping.

I love to give gifts and I love the feelings in me when I'm wildly generous, but I want to do it when it's needed, when I am prompted, told to do it.

I hate all the disappointments that are tied to the material wants of the seasons and the left out feelings of others. I hate that. I really, really hate that.

I hate having so many people in my life needing so much, in all realms not just material, and not being able to fill those needs. I hate not being enough.

December makes me sad when I'm with my fellow believers.

Odd? Maybe so, maybe not.

It seems to me, and maybe I'm just being an overly judgemental jerk, but it seems to me that all of a sudden we go all righteous and all religious. We're suddenly all about the Savior and all our conversations and decorations and activities are all about Him and the Miracle and so on.

Well what about the rest of the year? What about the freaking everyday?

So you pull out your charity and compassion and mercy for a month and now I'm supposed to pat you on the back and hold you up as this amazing example of a real Christian for all my heathen friends?

Where are you in July when some kid got beat half to death and needs a home?

Where are you in March when that family right in your very own circle at church still can't pay all the bills and keep food on the table? Did you even notice?

See, December is a mixed bag for me.

It's personal and private and raw and wildly intense. It's about the Savior. My Savior.

And in the modern world, where's the quiet? Where's the reverence? Where's the peace and the real joy?

I don't want a rock star, strobe light, intense, send my kid into a seizure Christmas service.

I want to hear and sing the hymns. I want the lights to be dim. I want to hear the Bible read and not just the most tiny snip it of the most obvious passage.

So there you have it, way more than a minute, but some of my thoughts on December, now it's your turn. Leave us your thoughts in the comments or on your blog and tag back. Let's hear what you think, cause it counts.