Thursday, January 6, 2011

What Would You...

Things in life bring ups and downs. That's just how it is. It's a part of how we are made, as emotional, broken humans living in a fallen world. Things happen.

Then we go ahead and love people. When you do it full in, whole heart, there are deep feelings involved and then, again, because we're people, the not perfect, human kind, living in a broken world, we hurt. Sometimes we hurt ourselves, always we hurt each other. Even the people we love the deepest.

Wait. Go back.

I'd change that to what you already know, especially the people we love the most. Those are the ones we hurt more often and more fiercely than any other. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's just misunderstanding clouded up with too much emotion.

Either way, it happens.

Resolve is of course, the best part, the sweetest moment of all. The solid moment of really knowing down in your soul that everything between you and that person is rock solid pure.

Those emotional roller coaster times can leave you at the end, just plain spent. Worn thin, even if worn thin was where you began and then had the high of resolve, you're still back to exhausted by the dawn. That's not bad. It just is. Our emotional life is as much a part of our physical life as eating and sleeping.

Anyway, for me, on those sort of spent, let me just crawl back in bed days, the world around me is still a little fuzzy on the edges. I'm all pulled back together and so forth, but there is just that little bit of rawness on the edges. Combine that little tweak of the heart with a mortality question and now we're heading somewhere.

Right now some of you are reading along, nodding your heads, going, oh yeah, that's exactly how it is, the rest of you, well, honestly I'm surprised you're still reading and haven't clicked off to something else. Either all the blogs were boring today, or you have great faith that I'm about to deliver something fantastic.

I'd advise you to stop holding your breath right now. I've got more to say, as always. Mostly because I'm a wordy kind of gal and I always have more to say, but also because I'm working my way to where this was actually going at the beginning.

Today in one of the many venues of the online world, one of my special people, asked the world at large, "What would you do or say if you knew you were going to die tomorrow?"

It's a pretty classic kind of question. It's a good take a step back and think about things for a minute kind of question. Thing is, every time I started to leave a response, I realized I had way more to say than a comment box. I know, shocking. Anyway. It's been rattling around in my head all day, so I thought maybe I'd tackle it here, or at least give it a partial shot.

"What would I do or say if I knew I would die tomorrow?"

I would look you in the eyes and say I love you.
I would hold your hand.
I would sing loud and dance too.
I would eat a bite of everything wonderful that I could.
I would pray a prayer of thanksgiving for a wonderful life.
I would cry.
I would say goodbye.
I would hold you longer.
I would hug hard.
I would laugh at all the things that amuse me no matter who was looking.
I wouldn't hide a single bit of my soul.
I would give it all away.
I would say all the I'm sorries that I owe.
I would ask forgiveness.
I would take the risks and live the moments I chose to hold back.
I would let go of all my piles of hidden away written words.
I would have a giant party and try my absolute hardest to show all my loves why I love them insanely beyond measure and why they should love each other.
I would beg my loves to be kind and gentle with each others hearts.
I would take one quiet moment with each one of you.
I would fill the night sky with fireworks and laugh like it would never end.
I would insist that we all spend the day together on the beach.
I would insist that there was nothing else in your life so stupid important that you couldn't make time on this one day for me. I would be that selfish.
I would choose not to feel guilty about a single minute of any of this.
I would tell each of you to live your tomorrow as I had just lived my today, really alive, risks and beauty and scars and all, full in, without missing a single moment.