It was quite the day, just as I expected.
The house full of kids was up before I was. All except Little T. He knew something was up. He fought sleep last night with all he had and was still asleep this morning when it was time to have him up and dressed and ready to go. I woke him and dressed him. The Mr. took him out for the final time. The rest of us gave our hugs and kisses at the door. It was a whirlwind as always.
It was as it was for all my kids that have gotten to go home. It hits this late hour of the night and I start to think through the day.
We kept it busy and full of kids and chaos. There was soccer and football and cold weather.
Anyway, the busy and loud keeps me from thinking about all the things you would maybe let yourself think on with the "giving away" or "giving back" of the kiddos when it's time for them to go.
But we get to now, most of the kids are asleep. The settling down is happening. Reflections come at this time of the evening. Missing comes at this time.
I think back over the morning, getting him ready, saying good bye and I can't remember. I keep thinking and trying to bring it back, but I can't remember if I said the words.
We have always said "I love you" easily over here and even more so since our months of living with Chicklet. One of her greatest gifts to me was given unknowingly. My kids often say to each other, "I like you" or "I love you" with a special lilt to it that never was there before.
I think back over the morning and I can't remember if I said to Little T one last time, I love you. Then I think back a year to Little One. Yup, it's almost a year, 11 months right now, and I can't remember for him either.
I'm sure I must have. I'm certain they knew they were loved.
But did I say it that one last time?
I'll never know for certain.
And that's a part of why I kept today packed full, and it didn't disappoint.
Crack of early soccer in the frigid fall. Quick lunch and off to football. How a field ends up an entire game behind in scheduling, I'll never know. Off to the hard ware store for light fixtures and back to football. Finally we head off to return Mr. Monkey to his current placement, only to have a very ugly parking lot mishap. We're hoping Mr. Monkey didn't break his nose, but seeing that it was somehow connected with us, the answer is probably.
Late dinner and now a little Lion King for bed time. Probably not the best pick for a reunification date.
"I'm only brave when I have to be."