Thursday, December 1, 2011

Holiday Blog Rant Party, You're Invited!

December does not have to equal drama.

Heads up, right from the first words, there are about 932 of you in my world that are going to read this and get bent out of shape because your drama isn't a drama, but a situation.  It's justified.  It's unavoidable.  It's not your fault.  It's this or that or you have a reason, an excuse, a big fat whatever.

It's December 1st.

We have a long way to go yet folks.  A.  Long.  Way.

Quite honestly, since Thanksgiving day or there about, there have been enough dramas in my world or the edges of it that I have simply lost count.

I'm not looking for apology or whatever comes to your mind as the fix or solution.  I'm not saying don't go talking to or trusting your friends or families.  I'm not saying your stuff isn't real.  It is.

Every one's stuff is real.

But it's personal too.  No two people see the same thing exactly the same way.  Figure out, however you have to, to be able to see something other than your own perspective and hurt.  I'm not saying don't feel it or discount it and say it never happened or it never hurt, but I am saying, set your crap down for a minute or two.  Take a big breath.  Count to ten.  Look at the whole thing from another angle.  Then do it again.  And again.  And however many times it takes you until you run out of ways to look at it.  Then when you're all done getting some perspective, go ahead and pick up your pile of crap off the counter if you really want it back.

Holidays are dicey.  They just are.  Everyone comes down with something and feels a little less than themselves.  Everyone comes over burdened with expectations and hope.  Everyone bears their dashed hopes of holidays past.  Everyone has those memories of loved ones passed on.  Everyone wants the perfect holiday.

No one gets one.

Perfection doesn't exist.

Now, those two semi-cynical statements don't say you can't be happy.

You can.  You just have to decide to be.

But, but, butt

Yeah, Butt.

Deciding to be happy isn't that easy.  You're dang right.  It isn't.  It means you have to suck it up a little.  You have to give up some of the chip on your shoulder or the grudge in your soul.  You have to bite your tongue and smile in spite of the wild racing of your mind, yelling at your heart, "But she just said/did/looked!!!! Arghh!!!"

Yeah.  Set it down and take another deep breath.

Again.  I'm not saying that you get all lovey and over the top with the uncle that raped you or the sibling that belittles you at every turn.  I'm not saying you suddenly look at a friend or relative that abuses you or takes advantage of you and say the past doesn't exist, it never happened, my truth isn't real or anything like that.

Not at all.

I'm just simply saying, if you want to have the whole holiday hoop-la, then be willing to pay the price.  If you can't bear to be around a person, then don't do it.  If you can do it, for whoever sake or whatever reason, then do it without all the drama and martyrdom.

Yeah, I'm like this.

I guess, I too am riddled with high expectations for people in my planet.  I expect if you're an adult, you should act like one.  I expect if you're a parent, you pull it together for the sake of your kid.  I expect if you have a habit of hurting people or running them over, for a while you pull out the peace on earth, good will towards men card and try it on.

And no.  I'm no angel here.  I AM the Grinch.  The month of December brings out more of my worst than any other.

I write this post more to myself than any single one of you in my life.

Can I just remind us all, that there is nothing wrong with making decisions in our lives?  But when you do make a decision, own it.

So when you decide you're going to Susie's party even though you'd really rather sit home with cocoa and a blanket, own it, make the best of it for both you and Susie and her guests.  The second part of that is, know why you decided to go.  It seems like a minor thought, but it's not.  Know why you make the choices you do.

Whether you decide to spend your holiday drenched in friends, family and social activities or snuggled up with your cup of cocoa, own it.  Make the choices that are honestly best for you.

Making those kinds of choices means trusting those people in your world.

What? You thought it was just about you knowing what you could handle or not without self medicating to the extreme in whatever demon is your vice, um, no.  It's not.  It's about trust.

The first time you stretch your adult wings and say, I'm newly married, or have a new baby, or on  my own and I want to spend the holiday at home, my home. You do so, out of trust, that your family of origin will continue to love you anyway.  It's not the same, but the best example I can give is the person coming out to their family with the hope/expectation/trust that even though they are revealing who they have grown up to be to the people who supposedly know them the best in all the world, they will still be loved, even though maybe it's not what "everyone" wants or expects.  The first year you say to all your social friends, this year, I need space, I need quiet, I need to pull back and be with just a few or alone, you do so out of trust.  You trust that they will still love you and be your friends when the quiet time is over.

There is nothing wrong with "going off the grid" for the holiday season.  To be honest, some of my happiest holiday memories, the most peaceful ones, are the ones I skipped as much as I possibly could and spent it quietly tucked into my own space.

The sad part is when you don't have that trust spot, you can't find it, and you make your choices and decisions out of fear.  And that, in my very opinionated opinion, is not a way to live and not owning your choices, because they weren't yours.  If you do something out of fear, there is a bully factor there.

Especially as adults, there should not be people in our lives that we are afraid of.  If there are we need to fix that.  Either stop being afraid, face it down or get that person or situation out of your life.  Maybe not forever, but until you don't fear it anymore.

OK, so there you have it.   Your highly cynical holiday buzz kill.  And all for free, no waiting in line, one size fits all.

Personally, I like to think of myself as pessimistically optimistic, but that's because I like to see myself in the best light possible while still seeing as much of myself as I can stand to see in that mirror.

Go blog your own holiday rant and leave me a link in the comments.


Kathy said...

Oh my goodness, I could fill up my own blog with several rants about this time of year. It seems like this time that is supposed to be about peace, love, and goodwill just brings out the absolute worst in people. Ugh!

And you are so right. We do have a choice to be happy and we have to own our choices.

aka Ms. Ann O'Malley

booker said...

I'm new here and I have no intentions of going anywhere I love your writing and I'll be waiting for more!

booker said...

by the way I'm at