In my Grinchy mood I will take a crack at myself tonight.
It seems I have a heart 3 sizes too small or some other kind of fatal flaw.
There are patterns in my life that I don't like. One of them is front and center again.
I don't know if it's my words or my heart. I don't know what exactly it is about me.
But this happens.
A long time ago now, I had a friend and we were super close, or at least in my head we were. She put herself in a position to basically start her life over on the other side of the country. It was a great chance for her.
I was the last to know and I found out by accident. When I swallowed my pride enough to ask why she never mentioned a new job, a new life, on the other side of the country, she simply said it was too hard to tell me that she was going.
It's a pattern that repeats in my life.
Something huge. Something meaningful. I guess it. I find it out by mistake. It simply happens.
Why are the people I love the most unwilling to say things to me?
I've been told over and over through the years how judgmental I am and how sharp and hurtful my words are, maybe that's enough. I don't feel like I judge but everyone thinks I do. I feel like I realize quickly if my words were too sharp and I'm quick to be sorry.
Maybe that's not enough.
maybe i'm not enough