Tracy

It's time for me to say farewell, to wish you peace, to let you go, and so I will, the only way I know how, words on the page and I will hope you know...

I hope you know Tracy...
just how much my family loved you, how much I loved you.

I hope you know that I've been missing you and mourning you and holding my breath, hoping and praying and wishing for the last year and a half.

I hope you know all the things I did and said trying to help.

I hope you know all this while even though we weren't ready for it, I still had my eyes on your boys, I was still checking in on you. I saw you when you didn't know I did.

You asked only one thing of me, and I will keep my word, you knew I would. I never thought I'd have to.

We have things unfinished yet. There are still school plays and girl friends, proms and graduations, weddings and grand kids. This is all wrong, not the plan. There are breakfasts going to be missed now, and afternoons on the deck...

I hope you know, I saw you be the encourager and listener to my oldest. I saw you be second mom to my middle son. I saw you be my daughters champion. I saw you love my youngest almost as much as I did on his adoption day.

I'm not going to lie, Tracy, I'm jealous of all those claiming bestie status of you in the last long hard year or so. You always told me, you didn't have any female friends. Hell, we became friends over our mutual dislike of people.

I hope you know I saw you give all you could in so many ways for your family and especially your boys.

I hope you know you won't be forgotten. There isn't a place around here I can go or be without the strangeness of being there by myself. After school has never been the same. It never will be.

I hope you know how mad I was at you and more than that, I hope you know how much you are forgiven.

I hope you know this is making me old and breaking my heart.

I hope you knew...