Death

Trifecta Challenge

This week's word is:

DEATH
1a : a permanent cessation of all vital functions : the end of life
  b : an instance of dying
2a : the cause or occasion of loss of life
  b : a cause of ruin
3 capitalized : the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe

Mwahahaha.  Have fun.

Please remember:
Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
The word itself needs to be included in your response.
You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
Only one entry per writer.




Death rolled over in his coffin, stretched and glanced at his alarm clock.  In a second he was yelling, “Damn death touch, killed the battery in my alarm clock again!  Now I’m late and Satan is going to be pissed!  Ugh.”
He threw on his cloak and took a quick swig of mouth wash.  Death was swishing it around in his mouth as he flew down the stairs.  In the kitchen he spit it out, hoping that it at least took the edge off his morning death breath.
On his way out to his car, Death grabbed a banana, he wanted coffee, but when he made the coffee the night before his touch had rendered the machine dead and useless.  As he juggled the banana from hand to hand, reaching for his car keys, it crumbled to dust and blew away.
Cursing under his breath, Death got into his car.
“I just have to get to the office before Satan does his rounds and pick up my list,” he muttered to himself, “I can’t be late again or I’ll get the ax.”
He turned the key and nothing.
“Argh!” Death yelled, “stupid touch of death, now the car battery is dead, damn it, damn it, damn it!”
Death stormed back into the house, just in time to hear the phone ringing.  He used his scythe to flip the receiver off and push the speaker button.
“What?” Death growled.
“Seriously Death, you’re not here again?  This is a simple job.  Pick up the list and kill the people by the end of the day.  You have had too many chances already.  You’re fired,” said Satan.
“But Satan, sir, I can explain,” begged Death.
“No.  You’re dead to me,” declared Satan and he hung up.

How To Freak Out Your Kids

In today's episode of How To Freak Out Your Kids, I used two different techniques.

First, I took The Little Mr's to a location far, far away and left them for a long, long time.

Translation: They're at grandma and grandpa's for about a week.

But they're a little skittish about being away from home for overnights and for more than oh, say a day.

Next, I let Little Miss fall asleep in the arm chair in front of the TV while I tried to get Little One to go to sleep. The had decided they were the only ones home with me, so it was all about rebellion. No one was going to just lay down in their beds and go to sleep like they normally do, no way, they had me captive!

So here's how you freak them out.

Wait for The Little Mr.'s to call on the phone. Answer. Let them say about 2 words, then cut them off, tell them how much you love them, but you have to run because the tornado sirens are going off and you need to haul 2 babies and a dog to the basement.

Part 2. Wake up those 2 sleeping kids and drag them to the basement, along with the dog, the "storm" bag and hang out. Let them sleep in their big brother's bed while listening to the weather alerts on the special weather radio.

Yup. That's how we do it around here.

Oh yeah, and don't forget to make sure your spouse in on a plane trying to land at the air port where they're reporting seeing tornado's. Super cool.

It's even better if you manage to let it slip to the big kids that daddy is still in the air.

Freak out.

Total freak out.

That's the way we do it around here.

Things I Almost Wish I'd Say

Let's begin with the obvious. I'm white. The Mr. is white. Little Mr. and Littlest Mr.-white. Little Miss, not so much. This leads to interesting, or rather, annoying exchanges with strangers.

It appears that I am not the only person who lacks a good and reliable filter and stopper on the brain to mouth alley.

I get all the usual comments. Let's take a look at a few and all the things I almost wish I'd thought of saying at the moment. I'm not sure if I just don't think fast enough to come up with these at the time or if I'm just experiencing a mild mental jam as I try to both censor my expression of stunned shock and be polite all at once.

Let's begin with, "Oh, is she yours?" I think I'd really like to say, "No, she's a rental." and just walk away. Maybe, "Why do you ask?" or "No, not at all. I always encourage stray children to call me mama." I could go with something like, "You asked, now she's yours, no tag backs!" and then run away down the grocery aisle as fast as I can, laughing in a really maniacal way. That one would be the most fun, but then Little Miss would begin to think that the market is where we play tag.

Oh, wait. Who am I kidding? She already thinks that.

Another favorite of mine, the multiple variations on, "She's black?!" There are so many ways to have fun with this, I almost don't know where to begin. Let's see, "shh, don't tell her, it's a secret." "No, she just needs a bath." "No, she's tan." "No, she's a girl." "Well...she doesn't glow in the dark like her brothers..." "Are you sure she's not a dark purple?"

The "She's black" comments usually lead into an awkward moment where someone tries to ask about The Mr. or tries to fish for information without just stating the obvious, "Hey wait, you and your hubby are white and the girl isn't." Yeah, there are a lot of geniuses out there. I think it would be fun tackle these with some real fun responses. "Shh, my husband doesn't know, he's colorblind." The Mr. really is colorblind. "We were really surprised too. We didn't expect her to come out black." "Mmm, hmm, you only wish you knew a black man like that, mmm, hmm." Whoops. Back to the family channel. And once again with the truth, "We let God plan our family."

And we do.