Things I Almost Wish I'd Say

Let's begin with the obvious. I'm white. The Mr. is white. Little Mr. and Littlest Mr.-white. Little Miss, not so much. This leads to interesting, or rather, annoying exchanges with strangers.

It appears that I am not the only person who lacks a good and reliable filter and stopper on the brain to mouth alley.

I get all the usual comments. Let's take a look at a few and all the things I almost wish I'd thought of saying at the moment. I'm not sure if I just don't think fast enough to come up with these at the time or if I'm just experiencing a mild mental jam as I try to both censor my expression of stunned shock and be polite all at once.

Let's begin with, "Oh, is she yours?" I think I'd really like to say, "No, she's a rental." and just walk away. Maybe, "Why do you ask?" or "No, not at all. I always encourage stray children to call me mama." I could go with something like, "You asked, now she's yours, no tag backs!" and then run away down the grocery aisle as fast as I can, laughing in a really maniacal way. That one would be the most fun, but then Little Miss would begin to think that the market is where we play tag.

Oh, wait. Who am I kidding? She already thinks that.

Another favorite of mine, the multiple variations on, "She's black?!" There are so many ways to have fun with this, I almost don't know where to begin. Let's see, "shh, don't tell her, it's a secret." "No, she just needs a bath." "No, she's tan." "No, she's a girl." "Well...she doesn't glow in the dark like her brothers..." "Are you sure she's not a dark purple?"

The "She's black" comments usually lead into an awkward moment where someone tries to ask about The Mr. or tries to fish for information without just stating the obvious, "Hey wait, you and your hubby are white and the girl isn't." Yeah, there are a lot of geniuses out there. I think it would be fun tackle these with some real fun responses. "Shh, my husband doesn't know, he's colorblind." The Mr. really is colorblind. "We were really surprised too. We didn't expect her to come out black." "Mmm, hmm, you only wish you knew a black man like that, mmm, hmm." Whoops. Back to the family channel. And once again with the truth, "We let God plan our family."

And we do.