I'm having one of those days with the kids. Every time I turn around they are into something that I just plain thought they knew better than to do. I'm having one of those "clarity" issues right now too, where everything that either they do or I do seems to look and feel like it's somehow tied up in sin. I'm seeing them do things that I'm calling naughty and saying to them this is behavior rooted in selfishness. I'm thinking to myself where do they get this from? I'd humbly say that The Mr. and I are not selfish. In fact, I've been accused, by my own family I might add, of being generous to a fault. Something about giving away my last dime if I thought someone else could use it more. But that's besides the point.
I'm also having a hard time determining how much is "kids being kids" and if there is such a thing or if I'm just neurotically hard on my kids with expectations through the roof.
Then I look at my own responses to the kids stuff and I see more sin. I'm being quick to anger. I'm not controlling my tongue the way I should. I see myself steeped in sins too.
What a yucky day. The weather is gloomy. I'm gloomy. We're all still sick.
They all help to rationalize, but they don't excuse.
Being sick and tired and gloomy is no excuse for laziness with sin areas.
What God is helping me to see today is just what a huge problem sin is in our lives. I think it's easy to get caught up in thinking well, I really only have this one big sin thing to work on or these couple of sin things that keep creeping back up. It's much harder to see what I'm seeing today. Sin is prevalent at all times. It's just waiting for that split second of weakness or loss of focus to jump in and take over.
It is startling to see such sin so rampant in kids.
Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying my kids are heading down the path to felony crimes or anything like that, but it's amazing to me to see how even in a small child who is being actively taught the "right" way to live how sin sets in and takes over. It is exhausting as a parent to need to be so constantly vigilant in teaching them AND monitoring our own behavior.
It makes grace that much more amazing. It makes the fact that we're forgiven always something that brings tears to my eyes. The fact that the Father continues to love me in my failures is something that I cannot even fully grasp. To see that love and grace and mercy as a parents guide given to us by a loving, living Father, is overwhelming.
My journey as a parent is a constant exercise in humility and accountability.