Wednesday, December 24, 2008

This Is A Holy Night, Our Holy Night

It's Christmas, well officially, Christmas Eve, at least for another hour or so, but Merry Christmas anyway.

Today, I found a moment or two where I thought, truly, less is more. We took the whole group and went to the early service at church. It was something. No argument there. I understand why it was the way it was, but for me, personally, less could have been so much more.

I would have spliced and cut and maybe even divided it into two different services. The parts were woven together well, but, I don't know, for me somehow...maybe it's just the place I'm at this year.

My perfect fantasy Christmas Eve service would have been quiet, reverent, reserved, holy somehow. I loved when we sang carols together as a Body. I was captivated and moved by the reading of The Christmas Story. Silent Night by candle light brings me to tears. That would have been enough for me.

It's not that I don't love the rock star treatment once in a while or that I didn't get things out of the sermon or the videos, because I did. In a way, they just seemed out of place to me.

But, going back again, I think that just isn't the place I'm in this year.

It's been such a long year with such intense ups and downs, that getting to the "end" of it, seems like something to take note of. Not exactly an accomplishment, because I don't do my life on my own and I only accomplish anything with Him. That isn't it. And it wasn't so much a survivor thing either. Perhaps it was a slow growth thing that I just haven't sorted out yet. Something that I can't quite get into words yet.

I do know this though, through much of this season the little things have brought me to tears. Life and circumstance brought me to my knees. There have been so many verses that have summed up this year. Too many to list. There is one that has rung though my heart over and over as the days have gone by.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

So very much of this year I have not even pretended to understand. I've been walking in trust, putting one foot in front of the other on faith that there is ground beneath my feet. I have learned to acknowledge Him, His hand in all, not just within myself, but with others. I am learning to make myself give credit to the Lord for the things "I" do. I'm learning to say it out loud to all, without fear and as if acknowledging Him for all is not something I've taught myself to do, but something so central to who I am, that it would never be doubted.

So now before the madness of kids and presents begins, I'm off to be teary once more. I'll say prayers over their sleeping heads and put my weepy, weary self to bed on this Holy Night.


Karies place said...

ITA on your comments. This year I've discovered that it didn't matter how many or what we got, just that we were together and that dh had a good paying job. Hugs to you at this time.

Mr. BlackSheep said...

Beautiful words. The last paragraph... beautiful.