Thursday, February 4, 2010
I Don't Have The Words
It's how I'm feeling today.
We've not been told no. That isn't the case. No one is disputing the rulings or anything like that. No one else has come forward laying claim to Little Miss.
It's just simply an answer of wait.
It's hard though, I mean, life is hard. That's just how it is.
But I let myself get caught up in thinking this was going to be it. It was going to be our day, our moment.
I'd finally hear the words, sign the forms and it would be over and beginning at the same time.
I cannot explain this weird weight of living this life, knowing that one day she will be my forever child and even though she is in my heart, she is not. There is some finality yet to come that will make all the difference in the world.
I cannot imagine ever walking this road without my God. Simply because with Him, I feel as though I can barely breath, let alone take the next step.
And my closest, dearest friend is meeting me with silence these days. I have a clue about the road she's on right now, I do. And I know her well enough to know why I'm hearing nothing. Once before there was something that put silence between us, but I don't love it.
She is a person so tied to my soul that I'm just sad to hear the silence.
We'll keep on going, pray for a piece of paper to appear before our court date, and keep on walking.
Posted by Jen at 8:20 AM