Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Punk Rising

I feel a rebellion coming on.  A second adolescence of sorts.  I won't be going the route of teen rebellion and stupidity but, I've lost my interesting.  Lost my edge.

Somehow, and really, I know how, I've relaxed and been lulled into safe and easy and comfortable and down right dull.

I dont' like dull.

I have a thing about being looked at.  I don't like it.  But on the other hand.  I'm not thrilled when I'm invisible either.

So I'm guessing the internal shifts and rebellions in my mind will in turn reflect in little external ways.

It's time for new hair.  Radically new.  Well, maybe not entirely heart attack radical, but different is in order.

I'm feeling the lure to pierce again.  Taking suggestions in the comments, ears, nose, eye brow, tell me what you think.

I'm just about to that wall of being fat enough to hate it enough to be motivated to be thin again.  Because the truth is, thin is fun.  It's damn hard work to get there and keep it, but it's fun. It really is and I'm starting to miss the fun.

I'm ready to get back to the book.  My goal is to have it agent ready by the end of the year.  My next goal is to have the agent.  And now that I've said it here to all 2 of you readers, I guess you get to try to hold me accountable to that.

I know.  It sounds a lot like mid-life crisis.  I guess on the outside maybe it does.  Thing is though, I'm not in crisis.  And if statistics bear out, I'm not quite mid-life yet, even though this fall will bring me into 40. 

One of my long lost high school friends talked to me recently about how life's been good, he's done a lot, seen a lot, but turning 40 has shifted something.  He's started to look around, look back, look forward and evaluate. 

In a way, that's what I'm doing too.  I've talked about it before, I'm sure, my nagging desire to try to do the things I want to do now, before any more time slides away and I'm suddenly in my 70's thinking I wonder if I could have been or done.  I'd so much rather put in the time or take the risk and fail now than wonder if "success" could ever have been mine.

So this will be for some of you a new phase of life with me, for some of you, you're just shaking your heads and thinking, not again.  But yes, again.  It's time.  It's time for the reinventing, the refashioning of myself.  Almost all of it is internal, mental changes that have everything to do with me and nothing to do with anyone else.  You may never even notice the difference, but I will, and that's what makes all the difference. 

The external stuff is fun.  It's markers of life going bye.  I'm ready to make a mark with my life.

**Ammended to add, reality is, I'll be getting a nice appropriate cut and color.  I'm mostly all talk.  I'll get to the book and in the end, things will be what they were.