Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Jasmine

In response to the Trifecta challenge:


The evening mist wrapped a damp chill around her as she strode across the parking lot.  An inky sky lay heavy on the cars waiting under the low lights.  She held the key tight in her fingers and fought the shiver building in the pit of her stomach.  Jasmine concentrated on getting to her car without looking either way and pushed the thoughts from her head. 
The only safe way to get past them was to walk steadily, driven and mechanical to her car and get in.  It wasn’t that long ago she made the mistake of glancing sideways and once she dared to look at the sky, but never, never again.  The price was too high.
Fingers clenched around the key, she unlocked the door.  In a single swift motion the door was open and Jasmine was inside with the door closed and locked again.  It was only then that she let her breath out.  She had the car in drive before she even had her seatbelt on.  Once she was driving on the road, she felt safer, but the thoughts began to crowd her mind again.
Why?  Why had she worn this stupid dress today?  Jasmine loved and hated how she looked in it and early this morning had left the complex wearing it with a certain scent of despair.  She knew that in days gone by, a life she could barely remember, she would have reveled in wearing this dress.  The simple color and style, the way it snugged close against her ample curves made men turn their heads and women glance under their lashes.  She knew.  She felt it.
Now it was different though.  It was scandalous.  The fact that she still even possessed a throwback could have easily cost her the safety she was allowed as one of the precious few. 
It was over for her now.  She knew the moment she saw the car behind her.  Not even being one of the precious few would save her.


12 comments:

Annabelle said...

Creepy! I am very curious about what's really going on here.

Flippa Bird said...

I wanto to know too!! But I like how we're left ahnging to figure it out on our own. :)

jannatwrites said...

I had wondered if maybe she'd been raped, so she felt self-conscious in a figure-hugging dress. The last two paragraphs seemed to rule that out, so I'm curious as to what her situation is and what it means to be "one of the precious few".

Wisper said...

Interesting. This is a great set up for a longer piece. There are so many questions posed without answers. Nice job!

Jen said...

I'm so glad you liked it!

Kelly Garriott Waite said...

Oh, I definitely want to know more about this. Sinister and scary.

Stephanie B. @B4Steph said...

Interesting. One of the precious few - I wonder what that means. And its over for her now, wearing a revealing dress. I'm hooked.

Bo said...

I would love to read more! Well done.

Trifecta said...

Janna pretty much stole my comment. :-) Nice job leaving us hanging! Thanks for linking up.

I, Rodius said...

Nice suspense. Are you going to write the rest of it? It sounds like a sci-fi short story I'd like to read.

Jen said...

It feels sci-fi to me too. I will work on it to see where it goes. I like the scene, so I plan to run with it for a while and see what happens next.

Sharp Little Pencil said...

My first time here, thanks to Trifecta! This "skeeved me out," as my friends say. Having lived in NYC as a jazz singer for years, coming home late nights dressed to the nines, I got this from the start. And cars following her? That, too. Driving blocks out of the way. Her only safety is in the willingness to stop-and-go through red lights... Scary. Peace, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/09/17/incantations-in-jazz/