First Day Of School

The first day of school was never a thing that was particularly memorable to me one way or the other.  It generally carried some weight because it was close to or on my actual birthday.  That can be a little less than the best birthday day, to have it fall on the first day of school.

The only first day of school that really stand out in my mind was my first day of high school, way back when.  It used to stand out to me in a bitter way, but not anymore.

I went to high school in a small town.  A very small town.  I moved to that town just a few short months before high school began.  I moved there from a bigger city.  I had attended a big middle school.

I expected it to be easy.  Small town, small school, small class--about 200 kids.  I thought it would be a piece of cake to make friends and fit in, to learn my way around the school and make the most of high school.

I didn't understand small towns.  In a way, I still don't.  But I learned a lot.

These kids, my classmates, had been in everything together from the very beginning.  From toddler playgroups to kindergarten to soccer to middle school.  Now it was high school.  Everyone had their click.  Their place.

I didn't have a place.

My first week of high school, not a single student spoke to me.  Not a casual hi.  Not a oh you're the new kid.  Not a teasing word.  Nothing.

That silence spoke volumes.

After a week, someone did befriend me, thanks Shelly, you'll never know what it meant.  She dragged me kicking and screaming into all kinds of things I would never have done without her.

That first week of silence changed me in a way.  At that time, it shut me down.  It made me afraid and doubtful.  I spent high school being afraid of everything and everyone.  I never got truly close to more than one or two people in high school.

As the years have rolled by, and many have by now, it's changed me in a different way.

I've come to see all that was wasted by fears.  I've come to see them as invalid fears.  I've come to finally now know some of my classmates and realize that even though it was awful at the time, it was never really an intentional slight.

I don't think any of my high school classmates meant to ignore me then.   We were all just kids trying our best to figure it out.  In the end, even though I have very few friends from high school, even fewer who are close to me, I still have great high school memories and I wouldn't trade it.

What was your most memorable first day of school, blog it and or leave it for me in the comments.

Mommy Confessions

Just because I can.

I love the seasons, no matter what I tell you, and even when I say fall is my favorite, it is, but there is just something so, summer about summer that makes me love it.

It has this intoxicating freedom about it. Maybe it's just being out from under the cold and dark of winter in Wisconsin. Who knows.

I do find though, that summer brings out some "junk" in me.

I get a little nostalgic. Okay, maybe a lot. I get all kinds of wild ideas and suddenly find myself thinking, almost believing that anything is possible. I over schedule. I under plan. I over do. I never end up spending nearly as much time outside as I meant to or as I wanted to. I never end up reading that huge pile of books on my mental list. I forget the camera.

So here's the mommy confession part. I love my life packed full of kiddos and all that goes with it. I do. I wouldn't trade it.

But.

Every once in a while, especially when I'm driving in the summer, windows down, music way to loud, I have this little fantasy. Well, I guess it's a combination of fantasy and memory. I realize how different my life would be if I were alone. I have moments when I can see myself being alone. Having quiet and doing anything I'd like to do.

It's a typical plague of mommy life, especially when so many of the little people are, well, little.

But it's still a sweet little thought. The savory feeling of alone. It will come in it's time.

And I'm still loving my jam packed full life, kids and sticky and all, but you know, alone is pretty sweet too.

So what's your secret mommy confession? Do you use the Mr. Bubble when the kids are at school? Do you have a little count down going until they reach a certain magical age? Come on, you know you have them. Time to share.