Long Day

That's about all I can say.

It was some day.

I started around 5:30. The Little Mr. and I made our trip to the hospital and we had the MRI done. He was a trooper.

We got home with enough time to have some lunch and do a few lessons.

Then The Mr. and I headed off to court. There were some interesting moments and for a little while, we thought the judge gave us a new nick name--savvy foster parents--not so nice. He actually didn't mean us, but there was so much going on, it took a while to process the whole thing. He really meant those foster parents who are in the system with a sole motivation of adoption and then willfully taint the process. They are few and far between, I hope.

After court we went over the the hospital again. We spent some more time with Baby Boy and learned a little more about tube feeding and care. We'll just have to keep on waiting to see what happens with him. We know so little and couldn't possible give a guess to what is going to happen next.

What happens next?

We just keep waiting on God. Trusting in Him and His plan.

We let go of ourselves and our plans and go with His alone.

Just So You Know...

I am crazy.

Or at least I must be close.

I went down to the hospital today to spend a little time with Baby Boy and driving to the grocery store afterward, I realized, I must be nuts.

Baby Boy, by the way, is sweet and cute and all things wonderful. He has some health issues that are keeping him checked in at the hospital for the time being, but the nurses are loving on him as much as they can. I took my turn this afternoon. It was the perfect snuggle up.

Some kids just hit you in a certain way and he was one of them.

Just recently we had a Baby Girl and she was wonderful too, but she didn't hit me like he did.

All the way to the grocery, I was thinking, if he can't go home, I'll take him---and here's the crazy part---and his sisters, home with me in a heart beat.

It really is a crazy, crack pot thought, especially because my motivation to be a foster mom has nothing to do with building my own family. I believed in the past and still do right now that the ultimate of what a foster family does is support another family until it can all be put back together again. I've maintained that we would only add a child to our family in a forever way if it was crystal clear that God wanted us to do so.

That said, this baby pulled me in so hard and fast, I'd sign today.

Right this very moment.

For a lifetime.

You Know You Live With Kids When...

You pull back the blankets at midnight to go to bed and find on your pillow, all tucked in, a Lego Star Wars Princess.

You finally find the remote in the refrigerator and realize it won't work because a 2 year old programed it, so you give up and walk to the TV and use your finger to change the channel.

Your ears become finely tuned to the sound of a chair sliding across the kitchen.

You flush a toilet every time you walk past a bathroom.

You repeat many times a day what can and cannot be flushed.

Your garage contains a toy box/food storage container/garbage can on tires.

Instead of chanting "Ohm, Ohm", you chant, "No touching please, Inside voices, Please and eventually just No, No, No".

You find ketchup in places you never thought to look for it in.

Your main beverage has enough caffeine in it to fuel a pro football team.

Your fun reading includes lift-the-flap books and touch-and-feels.

You find 6 pairs of shoes in your bedroom that aren't yours.

You have things like laundry and housework listed as hobby activities.

You spend more time in your car than on your sofa.

You spend more dollars on sports and lessons and activities than on personal care like hair cuts or new clothing.

Backward and Forward All At Once

It's one of those sort of days.

I don't feel all that grounded. I think it has to do with the MR. When he travels, I'm less solid somehow. I still do all the regular stuff and sometimes more because there are extra jobs that need to be taken care of, and yet, I'm just less when he's away.

We've had a difficult stretch with school start up this year. It's hard to get into a pattern or rhythm. It can only be that and nothing so strict. I think a lot of the adjustments are happening inside my own mind. I'm always working at that happy medium. I want us to be learning and working at learning to learn and loving to learn, but not being so neurotically focused on it that we scare people or make ourselves insane. I don't want to exasperate my kids. I don't want to be a screaming shrew. I don't want to be their best friend or playmate either. I still need to be the person in charge and the parent.

Somehow there is a balance there, but it's difficult to hit and sometimes I think the added pleasure and burden of home school can make it harder to hit, but that's the goal. I'm trying to have more peaceful, easy, joy filled, happy days, than miserable, punishment filled hours. That's my goal.

Mostly it's selfish. I want to be a gentle joy filled encouraging spirit with my kids. I want to be loving them with my words and my actions, not just planning on them knowing I love them simply because my name is Hey Mom.

These are also the days, though, that pull at me. It's fall. The most beautiful time of the whole year here in this part of the country. The weather is wonderful and it seems like all is right with the world even when it's not.

I end up feeling so completely content with my life as it stands and yet nostalgic in a silly sort of way. I love to bring out all the old music. I love to hear from all the old friends and reminisce about days gone by.

It is a season when I'm happy with myself. I like how I look and I feel fine. It seems like all things are possible. The dark dead of winter is far away with the wool sweaters. I have a new scent for myself and can almost see God tweaking things all around me.

As a side note, there is no news on baby boy. He may not come here after all. My last knowledge of him was that he was admitted to the hospital. He may still be there. If he is released he may still come here or he may be placed with another foster family, especially if one can be found that can take the whole sibling group.

And so I feel as flighty as the birds these days. They seem to be flying all around in circles. Some days are warm and summer like, others are tinged with a winter cold. They aren't sure if they should fly or stay put.

Fall is like that for me. I love exactly where I'm at, and yet it's fall. There is a restlessness and wanderlust that just follows me around during the days and nights of this season. But far and away, everything about this season is my absolute favorite for this brown eyed girl.

Prayers

Baby boy is in such bad shape he needs to stay at the hospital for a while instead of come to our place. Pray for him to be well soon and wisdom for all who need to make decisions regarding his life.

Thanks!

Baby Oh Baby

Baby Girl was amazing. Cute and astounding. Exhausting. NICU just does something to a baby and it takes a while to reset them.

Good news for Baby Girl though, she got to go home today.

Good news for us. Within an hour of her send off, we got the call. Again.

Baby Boy is on his way. Should be here soon.

True Confessions

OK, I admit, I'm totally jacked about bringing home another baby. And a girl no less.

I'll also admit that I woke up several times last night just trying to work out the logistics of things inside my head. For example, this pushes me into a whole different grocery cart category, because, even though I'm a "fun" mom, I'm not into the whole 2 year old loose in the aisles sort of fun. That is reserved for the medicated.

I started thinking about the whole sleeping thing. While the 2 year old is long beyond wanting to be in the crib for a multitude of reasons beyond my control, I'm not so sure she'll be thrilled to share it with a new baby.

I had a long list of what ifs running around all night. I still have some this morning, but I also have a realization.

God's going to do what God's going to do.

For all I know, yesterday was simply Him checking in to see if I remembered that He would ask difficult things of me and my job is to say yes. Today the whole thing may go another way and Baby Girl may never come home to this house. Or she may come just for a long weekend, although, I think Little Miss was supposed to just come for the weekend too...hm, I can hardly remember back that far. Maybe in foster care land 2 years time is equal to a long weekend.

Anyway. There were some great moments of realizing just how far I've come as a foster mom. Late last night after the kids were asleep I went down stairs to my storage area and sifted through the bags of open diapers. Newborn under 10 lb size? You bet. Next on to the clothes. Itty-bitty size? Yup. Had some of those too. Yellow and green, just in case you were wondering, not pink and blue. Before I got into the shower, The Mr. had recovered the infant seat from the spider webs in the basement too.

Cool but scary too.

And so today, we'll wait on the Lord to see what He does in His perfect plans that we are simply blessed to be a working part of. I love being a tool in His hand.

We will care for this little babe the same way as all the others, one moment at a time, trying to take each new quirk and unexpected change of plan as if they were expected and totally normal. Above all, we'll love her as God requests and requires.

Always Surprised

God never fails to surprise me.

He is at work in our lives in such unusual ways.

Yesterday I was so stuck on myself and couldn't see where I was going. I was seeing things through a dark lens, and then I was set straight.

The Mr. of course. He has a way with words. He did not say I was a butt head, that is my own assessment, but it's pretty close to right on.

I was busy seeing how crummy things were and all the things that I thought were bad or going wrong, and I just missed it.

The joy that is. There is plenty of joy around here.

And just in case I was still wondering about it, the kids came through. Not only did I get to hear the words, you're a great mom, but I got to see them with different eyes.

We weren't particularly productive today, but we were positive and kind and loving. They were gentle and forgiving and just plain amazing.

Then after all that, God iced the cake.

The county called and asked us to take another child.

OK, so maybe I'm really not the worst mom on the planet. The boys vote was amazing. There was not a single second of hesitation on their part when I asked if we could share our lives with one more.

They both just simply looked up from their blocks and smiled. The Littlest Mr. said, mom, we can always give more love.

One of the ways foster care blesses them. For being Little's, their hearts have grown to be Big's.

So tomorrow, we will journey to another local hospital and bring home another little one to add to our mix for however long He deems right.

Time To Learn A Lesson

Oddly enough, I'm not loving the blessing that God is giving me.

Here's how it goes. God is blessing me with the opportunity to learn about dependence. Complete and total dependence on Him, that is.

So today as I'm driving home with The Little's from our appointment, I'm wallowing in my own pity party and I'm listening to the radio. People from all across the bottom of the country are calling in and remarking how happy they are to be able to hear the radio station again. They have no power, no water, some are even short of food, but each call was full of praise.

God gets your attention like that.

So I'm praising. I'm praising Him for this next stretch of months that will give me endless opportunity to be dependent fully on Him.

To get to this level of dependence, all my little life security blankets and comforts are being stripped away. Some were slowly being stripped from the time we moved, but I think I wasn't really paying attention.

I know, shocking, me not fully tuned in to the world around me?

Yeah, anyway.

The Mr. will enter a season of work that will include much more travel. Not necessarily a bad thing, but a challenge to be sure. In spite of a great marriage, being apart makes me have to be a bit more around here. We're still fully technology connected, but it's different. Unless you've lived the life with a spouse who travels for work, I can't explain it.

When Little Miss came to us about 20 months ago, she was 6 months old. Quickly, we got a picture of how things were going to go in her case and we started to joke that she'd still be in the system and with us on her first day of kindergarten. Off and on we've had different pictures given to us of what would or could happen in regards to her. Today I was given yet another picture. This one has her being a part of the system for at least 12 more months.

Can I tell you that just for a moment, I was standing in a dark tunnel.

One of the boys will have a long season of hard medical stuff in the next year or more. I was not ready to go there again yet. I wanted a longer period of "health" to recharge before going back to that role.

My nieces and nephews seem to have a never ending list of medical and other things piling up on them. Most obvious is Andrew and his cancer battle. We are beyond willing to be anything and everything to them in these years, but it changes things too. My lovely Missy Sissy has for years and years been one of my most solid, stand by, go to sort of people. We live similar lives and she has always been one of the very few that I can call in any state, say anything, be myself fully and still be wholly loved. It is my turn to answer the phone to her calls. I'm selfish. It's hard to be on this side.

My sweet mama isn't who she used to be. Life and age and health and whatever else change a person. I'm old enough and aware enough to realize just how much I have to be standing on my own. But it is still hard and in a way I can hardly make sense of I grieve for something that is lost and I know is not going to come back.

The special ladies I love are still close and still pray on my behalf, but time and distance have again changed things. It's not what it once was. And they are taxed by their own life issues too.

There are always more things, but I don't want to linger in this place. I need to give it words to let it go, but I don't want to stay.

What I'm seeing is that God is taking things and people and comforts and securities from my life to bring me closer to him.

We all have seasons on our knees as Christians. We all have seasons deep in the word. It's just the difference between being in that season because you know it's the right thing to do and being there in pure desperation .

So that's where I'll be, should you be looking for me, down on my knees, praising Him.

A Long Hard Day

I'm scrambling as usual to pull it all together again. There is just a lot to make it through in every day around here. It's good, but very full.

Today we got back bunches of information medical wise about one of The Little Mr's and none of it is making me happy. We had to spend a part of our day at the local hospital getting some tests run and then I spent a part of my afternoon setting up more tests at Children's Hospital. All I can say, is not bad, but not so good.

They will long and uncomfortable tests. Nothing near what my nephew is enduring in his fight against cancer, but still way to much for a child. Any child.

I had so been hoping that this would be the year I would look at these boys and be able to declare them healthy. And that it would last longer than a deep breath or a single prayer.

It wasn't to be so.

These are the hardest parts of mama life, when the littles are so sick. These are the days that I am both weepy within and strict with them on the out side.

As parents we have such dreams and hopes for our kids, and for some of us, there is such great surrender required. We change our dreams over and over and each time, they become "less" but still dreams. They get more "primitive" as we dream for them simply to live, or simply to be healthy.

They we pray that we've been doing our jobs and they understand salvation as fully as their age will allow.

I want so very much to be out of this valley of unhealthy kids. It seems that I have been wandering there for 10 years. And there are days when it is simply just too hard.

Some Recent Discoveries

1. I may have to take up midnight blogging. Being back on the focused home school train leave little time to sit here in my day. Bummer.

2. Sleep is for the weak.

3. My boys are unusual. Right now, as I type, there is a sled parked high in the tree in the front yard. It's been there since Saturday. They have no plans to move it any time soon. It's purpose? I sure couldn't tell you.

4. I'm short and somewhat fashion impaired. I rediscovered this fact last weekend when I went shopping. I had some gift cards to spend and made the discovery that jeans now come in very long boot cut. Only. So, now I'm learning that first, for my width, I ought to be a lot taller. Next, I learned that I'm cheap. Really cheap. I'd rather have the cheap jeans than get the custom made short ones. So, now I have boot cut jeans that drag on the floor. Bugs me. I know that's what they're supposed to do, I look at other people, I do, really, but I still don't love it. I'm learning to adapt to these dragging jeans. Leaves me thinking that fashion is stupid and not useful. Guess that means the last thing I re-learned in this category is that I'm real practical and not real fashionable.

5. Went to the church women's fall kick off thing in spite of myself and sort liked it. It was a sort of assignment to go along with someone else, but the sessions were great and I realized that I "know" more people than I thought I did. Meaning, I recognized a few more people than I thought I would. I even had a conversation with a lady that I've talked with before, so it wasn't a total day of strangers. The sessions I went to were insightful causing me to see a few "old" things in new ways. Always good. Now, will I suddenly be deeply connected with the ladies at this church, probably not. But that's not them or me, really, just the path that God has put me on. See, just as we're all unique, in a lot of ways we're all the same. It's just that my stride of life is slightly more unique. I find very few other people who are walking a similar path and so just out of practical real life as it is sort of stuff, I don't fit into a lot of places. That's ok. That's the season I'm in.

6. I had hoped this would be a year of good health, but it looks like one of my Mr.'s had other plans. Seems I'll be spending a good amount of my time at both my local hospital, local clinic and Children's too. Not so thrilled here. Add on the court stuff for Little Miss and this should be one challenging year for school and baby sitters!!

7. Every year I remember that I love the fall. It is the perfect season. Hands down. Perfection. Days and nights that can be described with words like crisp, wonderful, beautiful, colorful, rich. Food that is the best of the season. It's all good.

As The Mr. Says, "Lace It Up & Get In The Game"

The first weeks of school are so hard on everyone. We all chafe at being pushed back into "real" schedules and routines. We all sigh at the long assignment lists. We all put on brave faces and fake our good attitudes about getting the work done. We all say all the right lines about making good efforts and working hard now will pay off later. We're just down right tired.

But secretly, or maybe not so secretly, we all really miss those easy days of summer. We long for sleeping in, lazy meals and days just hanging around. We miss our fun reading and junk TV shows. We long to stay up late doing all the fun summer stuff.

In our hearts, though, we know that this is best.

Just last night, I longingly said to The Mr. "There is truly nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. I don't have to shower before bed. I don't have to be up serving hot breakfasts at 5:30. I could sleep in."

But before I was finished with my day dream, we both knew that wouldn't be the right thing to do.

It was really important to get up this morning and make it be the same as all the other school mornings. It was key to the kids progress--not just in academics, but in life too--that we just did what we needed to do, the way it needed to be done.

Our faith walk is sort of like that too sometimes. We know what we should do. We know how unpleasant it will become if we let it all slide. We know that God will step in and be the parent or teacher or your choice of authority figure here that we need to have sitting by our side, saying "no, honey, I know you want to play, but we have math lessons to learn. You can choose, learn them now the easy way, or later the hard way."

We all know what a relief it is to go into the weekend with no homework from school, no work from the office, no chores left to be done and no tasks untended.

We who believe know what relief it is to be right in our standing with the Lord and to walk into each moment of life with confidence that whatever comes next, it will be His perfect plan.

So discipline is the way, for today and everyday.

It's All About God

It is hard to walk along side my Missy Sissy as her family struggles through this thing called cancer. It is painful to see a sweet child like Andrew suffer.

To walk this path is to see us for what we are. We are failed and flawed. For all our greatness, we are still nothing compared to Him. Our God is all greatness.

Even when we are lost in the storm of uncertainty, He is certain. His plans will not always be to our liking, but they will be for good.

Every little while in my life, I've felt like I've come through some big stuff and now could walk a little more steady. I had those big experiences behind me, gained the perspectives, learned some of the lessons and could walk forward into the next part of life with a certain confidence and hope.

Then around the next corner in the path is a bump or a hole so large it disarms me. The new thing looms before me and intimidates. It makes me think for just a split second what it would look like to try to live this one out off the path. That temptation always comes and goes in just a heart beat, but still, I'm human.

My faith is just as frail as the next persons. I have big questions for this big God of mine. I don't always rest easy in the silence that often answers my whining.

I do come back around, simply because there is no other choice for me. I Believe. It's that simple. I Believe. And because I believe, I know that I am not looking at this huge thing all alone.

So even when I look ahead at some giant obstacle or challenge and can't see any outcome and fear most of the possible outcomes I can think of, I can turn over my worry and fear to the Lord. He doesn't want me to be spending my energy worrying about some plan that He has made and I don't understand, He wants me to be about the business of love.

So as I keep on trying to see down the path that Andrew is on, as I keep on trying to figure out what is going to happen next, how is it all going to turn out, I realize I can't know. I find myself thinking over and over, I just don't know how to do this.

But, God does exactly what He promises. He provides me with whatever I need to have to do whatever it is needs to be done.

As a simple side note, oh how I wish I could write a single thought without total chaos in my home. With posts it is a now or never sort of thing. I have to grab whatever moment presents itself and try to focus it all together around all the disruptions. Sometimes these come out clear and sometimes they are just a jumble.

Either way, it's what I've got to work with, so here it was.

TV Taco Night

Well, I wish I could say things have been so very exciting over here, that I just haven't had the time to post, but that's not really the case. We just simply went back to school, which means I have a lot less time to sit here and type. It's not that I don't stop by and check in with all the places I read, or keep the emails going 24/7, but there just isn't a hour to loose.

I did want to share this episode of do you live with boys?

Last nights dinner was in front of the TV. That's a rare deal around here. We just don't do a whole lot of TV, but it was Packer night. So we all brought our taco salads out to the family room, set up the TV trays and watched the game. Part way through, The Little Mr. says, "Hey dad, why don't you turn on that picture-in-picture thing and we could watch the Brewers at the same time?"

How to make a daddy proud, I tell you.

Ah, yes, living with boys.

Writer In The Fog

Slow and steady is a good policy. I'd say it was better to be patient, but I'm not good at patience, and we all know we should never pray for help in an area like that because then God will just fill up our lives with opportunities to practice patience or whatever hard character quality is your thing. Today, I'm sort of feeling like I really don't want that sort of "help" from God, know what I mean?

I am, however, delighting that in a few places in my life I did have the patience that was required and now I'm seeing some glimmers of light. Back a few months ago I was busy whining about some silly things and got a little ahead of myself.

I followed that advice about speaking your mind even when your voice shakes, and it all turned out to be silly nothings. Then I followed some even better advice and just walked away and let it go from my mind.

Now, in the last few weeks, I have seen a delicious little glimpse of what could be, somewhere down the road in the future.

Yeah, I know, I'm not very clear about things, but it's often necessary to be a little vague to protect the innocent. More likely, I need to write to sort and clear my mind, but those poor people floating around inside my mind don't even know they're there, and it would scare the snot out of them if they did.

What that translates to is that you get these slightly murky postings that probably don't mean that much to you. Unless, of course, that you're looking for the sign, then I'm telling you, I hung it out, the sign that is.

If you're not looking for something, then chalk this post up to a very long and full first week of school and one really stupid tired sleep deprived mama-teacher just trying to make it to a Saturday morning sleep in past 5AM sort of thing.

I Get A Little More Brave Every Year

These are bittersweet days I'm living through right now. I know, it doesn't look it, but it is. They are filled with both sides of the coin.

There are plenty of hours like the past one that I've knocked around my house both distracted and in prayer. I'm busy getting things ready and still at the same time waiting for nothing to happen.

These are the days of the what ifs.

They are days of potential visits for Little Miss.

They are days that tear at my heart.

I want her to go. It's sick, I know. But still, I want her to go. I want her to have every last chance possible to see her birth family. I want this to end in the way that is best for her in the long run. I want what is least harmful to her. I want to have happen whatever needs to happen to give her birth family the means to make the decisions they need to make.

I want to maintain my position that my mission in foster parenting is to see families get back together.

I want her to never again leave my arms. It's true. I want it both ways.

I want to never send her on another visit again as long as she lives. I want to never again have to deal with all the self destructive and self injurious things she does in the weeks after spending just a few hours with her birth family.

For almost two years now, I have rocked this baby to sleep in my arms almost daily for a nap or bed time. For me, that is a precious time. I rocked all my babies to sleep, and well past when a mama should let them be putting themselves to sleep. I rocked The Littlest Mr. until he was too big for me to carry up the stairs to his bed. He was past 3. The Mr. even gave in and helped for a few weeks, letting me rock him to sleep and then carrying the boy up for me. With Little Miss, I've cheated time and brought the rocking chair to her room.

Part way into her care, she began a new habit. She has always had a rough time with sleep and all that goes along with it, but then she started to call out. It was then that I realized she thinks of me as her mom. I realized that when she cries out in the night for mom, she is expecting me to be the woman that walks through the door.


This never-never land I'm living in these days on the cusp of foster care and adoption is hard at best. I live a life with parts blocked out. There are moments in time that I know are out there and yet I will not allow myself to see inside my mind.

Sort of like the unthinkable. Until the very last second there is always the potential that her forever home will not be with us. Seeing her leave our home is not a moment in time that I can picture inside my mind.

I can on the other hand, picture the moments after that. In fact, I've been playing all the different scenes over and over in my mind for months.

I can see myself in all the different settings of my regular life, having the conversations and giving the responses. In my mind, I'm rehearsing the lines, the expressions, my smile, my stance. I'm learning the lines that speak the words of mercy and grace, humbleness and forgiveness and peace.

You see, I believe those words and thoughts, I do. I really, really do. But I also know that those moments will be brimming with pain unspeakable that there just aren't live, personal outlets for. The people in my everyday world that are close enough to me to be able to receive the brunt of that violence of emotion are few and far away.

I also know that most of this, is not about me. My walk through this life of foster care and all it's ugly trials is a walk to show my small circles the life of a Christian.

No one wants to hang with someone who is all gloom and doom, rules and trials and struggles and hardships. I want to be a light in the midst of hard things. I want to be a Christian that goes through hard things with smiles, good attitudes and hope. Not in a fake way, saying that as a Christian I have no pains, not at all. But rather, as a Christian, I have a special ability to endure in hope.

And so it goes, another day, another visit. It was with a lump in my throat this morning that I took her out to the van of a stranger and strapped her into an unknown car seat. I looked into her eyes and saw all the fear and hurt and anger as I shut the door and sent her away from me.

For the morning now, I will worry and pray. In the afternoon I will receive back a child filled with rage and pain. For the next few weeks I will try to put the pieces of her little heart back together.

For Christ, I will try to live my part of this life with my heart hanging out. I will try to live the way He is asking me to live. I will try to be as open and transparent as I can be with all this life entails. I am coming to realize that is part of this journey. God is asking me to do for everyone what I do for her. He is asking me to pour myself out completely, heart and soul, not being mindful of my own pain, not protecting my own heart from the world, but simply handing it over as I've done for her. You see, she has my heart so completely, it is beyond what I can explain. I see that God wants me to do that. With everyone, with every casual acquaintance, pal and coffee shop friend. With every semi-close friend, not just with those I have chosen as the closest few.

That is a path that is almost unthinkable to me. I do not want to bare my soul, myself in that way to all those casual people in my life. I like living out the dream that I have it all pulled together, that my rough edges can be smoothed over with some mascara and coffee. I like living a life that others look and and think wow, how does she do that. Well, it's time, I guess, to do it a little differently. I'm sure it will be so subtle as to not be noticeable to anyone but me, but that's OK too. It's time to live it out so that you all are still saying wow, how does she live that life, but the focus will be on a faith unspeakable.

I Never Knew

In all the different places I write, I do so with the intent and knowledge that it be read.

I mean, all writers, whether good or bad, professional or just wanna be's want to be read. I've never met anyone who really wrote just for themselves. We all possess a secret ambition.

That said, I'm always startled to speechlessness when I find out someone is really out there on another screen reading the silly things I'm typing away on my side.

It's perfectly OK to leave a comment now and again to remind me that I'm not just typing into a vacuum. It might also cut down on that deer in the head lights reaction I have when I hear someone say the read my writing.

Or maybe not.

It's Halloween??

No, not really, but the Oriental Trading Co. catalogue came a few days ago. Maybe it was a week ago. The silly thing is full of Halloween costumes to be purchased.

It has caused no small amount of insanity around here.

First off, yes we do Halloween or Trick-or-Treat. Yes, I know that means we're some sort of failed Christian family to be playing along with all that evil. Ahem. Anyway.

My world often opperates on moderation, that and being a part of the world. I think it's real hard to be salt and light when you're living under the bucket.

Are you following what I'm saying?

It goes sort of like this. I don't think that you ought to be so involved in worldly things as to loose your focus, but I do think that you need to be in the world so that you can show others the hope you live with. I don't think you should be preaching in everyone's faces, although some need that and some need to do that, I do think that we should be trying to live a life that shows our salvation.

I don't think you should be a no fun sort of Christian. It turns people off. It's sort of like a strict diet. We all know it's good for us, but it isn't very fun and no one wants to do it. That and no one seems to be able to stick to it.

Anyway, back to Trick-or-Treat. We do it. We go out, in costumes and we hand out treats. Really obnoxious treats. A few years ago we gave out those nice sticky wall walker gooey rubber things. Very popular. Last year we gave out an assortment of noisemakers. Loud whistles. Shrill whistles. Siren whistles. Clappers. Drums. We were again very popular.

But the magazine. It's page after page of costume options. The boys have been relentlessly following us around and telling us who they want us to be. They are giving all sorts of suggestions for how to dress up Little Miss. They are offering options for the adults.

I don't do costumes.

Was that clear enough?

Not for the boys, it isn't!

Personally, Halloween is a "holiday" that I could really live without, but it comes and knocks at the door whether you want it to or not, so you may as well make the best of it.

1st Day Of School

Well, we did it. We had our first day and it was a lot less painful than I expected. We started it out yesterday with a family picnic. With the help of the cousins we measured out how big Noah's Ark was. Pretty cool to have a visual like that.

Today we hit the real books. It was busy and a bit trying for our big 1st grader. Our 2 year old doesn't really enjoy school, but in the end we all made it through.

Tonight we're having our first teen night of the year. It should be fun. They are always a great group and keep us on our toes in so many ways. I'm looking forward to our first study, an overview of the Bible.

We also had a dentist appointment--look ma, no cavities, but lots of loose teeth, piano lessons and choir.

Seems like a full first day to me.