An Unfinished Thought--Thanks Kids!!

Here's a quote to think on.


If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
- Rene Descartes

Man, if that's not the truth.

It seems you never really "know" something until you've turned it upside down and inside out. It's true of the people in your life too. Until you take the time and effort to know them deeply and honestly, you're just guessing.

I think it's this idea of examining a thing to see if it is truth helps you to understand the things you say you believe.

This is often my general stance on all things "religious" or what someone is proclaiming to be "Biblical". There is great value in seeking something out for yourself.

There is no harm in reading the Bible to see exactly what it says. To a non-believer, I'd say no harm will come to you simply because you read the book. Equip yourself to know exactly what you're railing against. But the same holds true for the believer. Read the thing so you know exactly what you're defending or declaring.

As self-labeled Christians we often spend lots of time, energy and dollars soaking ourselves in all kinds of things that claim to be Biblical or Christian, yet we've never read the Bible for ourselves. We memorize all sorts of verses, yet we've never read them in the context they were intended.

Don't even get me started on religion vs. Christian.

It isn't about what we say, at least that's not the main part, it's about how we live, what we do and how we love.

It's love.
And grace.
Mercy.
Humility.
Patience.
Peace.
Understanding.
Compassion.

It's been a few days and I think I've digested things.

Only Wednesday morning, and already a really full week.

Monday we went to court for Little Miss. This time The Mr. and I both had to testify. In a way it's an easy thing to do, simply swear to tell the truth and then do it, but in a way it's the hardest thing in the world. You sit directly in front of the birth parents and answer some really hard questions.

Even though we weren't the people passing judgement on the fit-ness of their ability to parent, it still sort of felt that way. Sometimes the truth is ugly.

We are not in the clear to adopt yet, but we are much closer than we were even 6 weeks ago. Again, it's one of those double edge things.

It's a thrill to think that it may really happen one day, and one day soon. It's a hefty responsibility to think we're going to hold ourselves out there as better parents and being capable and able to care for her for the rest of her life and ours.

It's also pretty humbling to look at her first family and see how quickly it all came apart. Sometimes good intentions just aren't enough.

Could you imagine if Christ came to earth with just good intentions and never followed through? It'd be each one of us hanging on that cross taking the full weight of our sins.

Yesterday I had a sick kiddo home from school. Not so fun.

We had a great Home Team, as usual. Our teens are just fantastic. They challenge and bless us every week.

Today is early release from school and the first of the new visitations for Little One.

Visitations are always a challenge for me. I get attached. That mama thing kicks in and I worry, not a lot, but still, I worry. I worry that the kiddo will be okay at his visit. I worry he'll be safe on the transports, that he'll be fed properly, that he'll be comforted when he cries and changed when he's wet. Yeah, it's a different land. Usually you only worry about that stuff when you hire the first inexperienced teen babysitter, not when you see a child with his parents, but this, my friends is foster care, and it's all different. On the other hand, it's a sort of break, a breather from a demanding child. A special time with just girl friend.

And so that's how it goes around here. Lots of things that are both wonderful and awful at the same time, but that's how life is right? We wouldn't have the joy of a risen Savior if He'd never died.

Stormy Weather

I'm just plain stupid tired today.

Friday and Saturday nights Little One had a cough. From midnight to 3AM. We sat in the rocker and listened to the radio and coughed. Last night was the rain and thunder. Every hour there was a kiddo or hound dog up and freaking out. Only The Mr. and The Littlest Mr. slept. But those two could sleep through just about anything.

I know I'm sleep stupid these days, because last night I planned to make dinner with ingredients that I hadn't yet bought. I'm going to blame that on the power outage that shut down the grocery store and call it mental inertia.

Plus, I just have a rambling disjointed mind these days.

I've been trying to let it all rest and not think about it, but it can't be helped.

Trial is tomorrow. Again. It seems like we've been doing nothing but going to court and waiting when it comes to Little Miss and for a year or so now, that's really been the case. Tomorrow has the potential of being a big day though. It could be the last trial. Then we would just have to wait the required amount of time, file for adoption and wait for that. It's my personal goal, even though there is nothing I can do to change any of it, to have the adoption done before she enters kindergarten.

As of right now, Little Miss has been with us for 2 years and 4 months. That feels like a really long time, but I think in foster care land, it really isn't.

Little One has now been with us 7 months and in care for 8. His case is far from being resolved too. I fear he could be another one that lives with us for years without a solid answer.

And finally, for once I think I'm going to say, yeah Disney. I just read in the paper this morning that there is going to be a new princess. A black princess. Yeah for us! I'll admit. I'm going to do some shopping soon.

Make-A-Wish Come True

I almost forgot that I'd been meaning to add this here.

One of the teens I do Bible study/life group with has asked for her 17th birthday wish. She would like to GIVE $2000 to Make-A-Wish foundation, $17 at a time.

If you could, help make her wish to help others come true for her birthday.

Go here: Make-A-Wish

Thanks!!

Day Dreaming

It didn't go as planned. Big shock.

I thought I was having most of my day with just Little Miss. I had a long list. I knew I'd never get it all done, but there was still such potential.

My day got moving along and then derailed with a phone call. Not a big deal, a nice chat and back to the list. Then another phone call and wham, time with just one, over.

So for the last few hours I've been working at settling Little One down and getting them to at least minimally stay out of trouble. Ha ha ha.

Ah, well, perhaps there will be a nap in my afternoon before the others get back from school. Yeah, right, like that'll happen!!

Well, it's already late on Tuesday afternoon. It's only been a few days, but it feels like weeks.

What have we been up to? Mostly just lots of medical visits. Little One takes more appoinments than the average child, but all is well.

Little Mr. was glad to return to school after Spring Break and Littlest Mr. could hardly wait for today to get here. He found out yesterday that his classroom has turtles. Pretty cool when you're a 6 year old boy.

Come to think of it, most things are pretty cool when you're a kid.

I'd love to tell you a had a marvelous peaceful day with the big boys away at school, but hardly. I've been to Children's and back already and done the first bandage change. I'm also up to the sky with laundry and other chores, add in the naps, fussy kids, weather phobic dog, feeding schedule, case worker calls and such and well, it just wasn't quiet or peaceful, but maybe tomorrow.

Spring Break Photo Essay

Or, what the house looks like after a single day of spring break with 4 kids at home!

Going To The Mall

Come to Brookfield Square this weekend and watch me throw up!

Oh, wait, that's not what I meant.

Come to Brookfield Square this weekend and learn how to take care of yourself and your family. That's it. That's how it should sound.

And it will.

Because God is bigger than I am.

My dear friend has tricked me, I mean, asked me to answer a few questions for her while she gives her speech this Saturday and I foolishly, I mean, obediently said yes.

So pray dear friends. Pray that I just am not there. I don't want anyone to see me or hear me. I want them to see and hear the Lord, for without Him, I am nothing.

Completely off topic, can I just for a moment brag on my kids and say how very proud of them I am? It seems the neighbor kids have made yet another club. It excludes girls under 4, 6 10 year old boys. Nice. What can you say. Kids can be awful and I'm sure it won't last longer than a few hours, but my boys stepped up to the plate.

"Hey Mom?"

"We decided to make our own club. It's a family club. That means everyone and anyone can join. It's God's family."

My big boys are outside playing side walk chalk with their baby sister, even though all the other kids are watching and teasing.

Bless their hearts.

So, back to Brookfield Square. There is a health fair this weekend and you will be able to experience two of my very favorites, Snappin' Ministires and JK Lee Tae Kwon Do. Sometime after 11 you'll be able to see me puke on stage and around 1 you'll be able to see my boys do some Tae Kwon Do.

Easter is About Jesus, The Day After is About Candy

I hate to say it, but I'm going to be a wimp as a mom. I'm going to just them eat the candy like crazy fools for the next few days just so that it's gone quickly and I don't have to deal with it. They actually brought home more candy from Easter at grandma's than they got trick-or-treating.

The Little Mr. totally had his heart in the right place this morning, even if his timing was for the birds. Literally.

Little One has croup. So it meant some sleepless nights around here.

After listening me complain about being tired, Little Mr. decided that I needed breakfast in bed. A great thoughtful idea, except that it was 5AM. And dark. And I was sleeping!

Oh well, what's a mom to do.

In other notes, Little Miss has poured out a bucket of bubbles and eaten more candy than both the boys. She's gone head over handle bars on her brothers two wheeler. Little One is pulling up everywhere and getting mighty brave about crusing.

Egg wars are full on over here. So far Littlest Mr. seems to be the big winner. We've done eggs twice now and he seems to have the touch.

Making eggs with a 2 year old and 2 boys means that not a lot of our eggs were "pretty". Most of them were a strange muddy brown color and had smashed shells. We also had alot of hand drawn egg characters. Littlest Mr. especially wanted to draw faces on his eggs, pirates and such, but at one point he reduced himself to fits of giggles.

"Look Mom" he gasped between fits of giggles.

Want to know what I was looking at?

An anitomically correct boy pirate egg.

Laughing even harder he chokes out, "Look mom, he has a butt crack too!"

That's life with boys I tell ya, that and toxic shoes. I've banned certain pairs to be left outside or in the garage.

We had a very fun visit with everyone yesterday and even made it home without a barf. I wasn't so sure we would make it, but we did. The boys and Little Miss, ate tons of candy before we even left our house to go to grandma's. Then they ate more candy there, and chips and desserts and sodas and juice and maybe they ate some dinner. Who knows? Each boy got a trash bag when we got in the van for the ride home, just in case. We didn't get very far before The Littlest Mr. had huge hiccoughs. I was worried, but there was no barf last night.

Yippee!!

Yeah, it really is the little things.

So far this morning, they wanted to start in on the candy at 6, but I managed to put them off until 8 and got some chores out of them too. I am so mean, I required them to dress, clean up faces and teeth, their room, and do the floors on the main floor all before getting the candy. They split the floor chore. One picks up all the stuff and one does the vaccum and sweep actions.

After finishing the chores, they broke into the candy. The Little Mr. ate a bunch and stopped on his own. The Littlest Mr. reached a point, half a chocolate bunny in his mouth, chocolate drool on the side, where he finally had to just go spit it out. He's too much that one. Little Miss just keeps going back piece after piece. She has tremendous capacity to eat the stuff. Scary, really. But soon it will be over with.

As for myself, tomorrow I'm off to the dentist and the eye clinic. I'm guessing my age will show and I'll have some sort of cavity or cracked tooth and have to make the cross over to bifocals. Oh well, I guess it all just goes with those wrinkles and gray hairs my kids are so fond of pointing out.

Soon enough we'll be looking at another court date for Little Miss, although for now, I'm choosing to not spend much effort thinking about it. Too much wasted energy. God's got it. I don't need to worry.

Today's Pics

Seen Through A New Window

I've been surprised at some of the things public school has brought out in The Little Mr.

Quite pleasantly surprised.

He still doesn't love his homework, but the power struggle is over. He just gets it done and the whine and complaints are down to a minimum.

He's fit in pretty well and made some friends. I've struggled with this part of his personality for years and years, even if it never phased him in the slightest. I longed for him to just be a part of the gang and have pals to play with like everyone else. Right at the moment, he doesn't seem to be an unusual "quirky" standout.

I think the light bulb is going on in the areas of cooperation, sharing, taking turns, not being the center of life. Perhaps it is just a living lesson in compromise and it's value.

Most startling, my boy who has never been spontaneously affectionate or willing to say things like I love you without much prompting or cajoling has become a different child. Every morning before he walks off to school I get a kiss on the cheek, a hug and an "I love you mom". It almost makes me cry into my coffee. When he returns he is tired, hungry, thirsty, put out that he has homework to do, but after he announces all this as charges through the door, I get more hugs and cuddles and the details of the day. He tells me over and over how much he loves school, how great it is and all the amazing wonderful things he's done that day.

I know this may not last. I know The Littlest Mr. will respond completely differently. I expect that.

What I would never have expected is the amazing little person my son is being in this new setting.

Season Of Change

All is well over here.

Change can be good.

The Little Mr. seems to be enjoying all there is at school, so much so that Littlest Mr. is breaking down the doors to get in. He should be starting soon.

Little Miss is starting to get used to the idea that Little One is her new playmate for the days until "her boys" come home. She is not convinced that upon their return home they should be wasting their time with snacks and homework. In her princess mind, they have returned home to the castle to her, to serve her by being her play date.

It's pretty cute actually. All day long there's a stroll over to the window to ask, boys home now????

Personally, I feel like I have some quiet space. I can complete a thought and even a task or two without loosing my mind. I am surprised though, at how very fast those hours go by.

It's all good even though it's all different.

We Have No Sense Of Timing

I'm sure you knew it was coming. I did. I just didn't think it would be this quick, but then again, I'm not one to spend a lot of time trying to make a decision.

I expected that Little Mr. would love school and everything about it. Yes, it's just day 2. I got that. I know. I know.

It will change. I'm there. I know it. I do.

But...

Littlest Mr. is competitive. Really competitive. After just one day of hanging with Little Miss, Little One and Me, he's had it.

In his mind, all the cool stuff is happening inside that building and dang it all, his brother, of all people, is right there in the middle of it and he's missing it.

How could I be party to such an injustice?

Well, to answer that, I've already made the call.

Frankly the peace and quiet yesterday was something totally new and pleasant. I rather enjoyed my role as homework mom instead of home school mom.

I guess seasons just plain change. And kids grow.

With both the Little Mr.'s at the kindergarten ages, I could never have seen them going off to school, but it's different now. Somehow it was easier in my mommy heart when they were the ones coming to me and asking to go. They were the one's saying mom, we're ready.

It will continue to change. That I'm completely sure of. I'm sure that there will be things about this season that are hard and uncomfortable and challenging too, but for me, it's good to be able to roll with the changes and make the best of it.

So, here's to rolling on to a new chapter in the book of our lives.

April Fool?

Today is Little Mr.'s first day of public school.

Yes, at 10 1/2, the start of the 4th quarter of the year, almost at the end of grade school, it is in fact, his first day.

There's a part of me that is thinking it should have been all sappy and teary and emotional and all that, but it wasn't.

He was so beyond ready to be there. He barely let me walk him into the building and introduce myself to the principal.

And that, my friends, is all good.

He seemed excited and confident. He couldn't wait to get started.

Now I know, going from a life of homeschool to wham, bang, public school right in the middle is not an easy way to go. I know there will be issues and trials and all sorts of stuff.

We'll deal.

So, no, for anyone wondering, the rumor is truth. It's no April Fool. Little Mr. is now a public school student.