Kids And Parents

Well, here's something to think on. I've been working on this thought for a little while. I'm not even sure I'm getting exactly to the point I want to get to with it. It came out of two places. One, I've just plain been thinking about it for a long time and now I've got a little more life under me to have a better opinion about it. Two, a conversation that I began with a friend. So read on and have at it. It's messy. There are logic holes, I'm sure. But that's OK for now. Look at it for now as a conversation with me while I'm being really long winded. Your thoughts will really help me with mine, so opinions welcome. Have fun!

Should a person in our current world willingly produce their own children? Maybe. I think there are a lot of people who go ahead and have children without ever really thinking it through. Especially in America, we live arrogantly. We believe that we have the right to have kids, and we do, but we should also be responsible about it. It is a complicated issue. There are many sides to it. More than I really want to research to find the answer. Besides, I think I would only find out what is the answer for me. I’m not sure that on a topic like this one that there is in fact a universal answer.

When I decided to have my children, I was whole-heartedly living the American lifestyle. I was not a Christian. I believed what I read in the paper. I bought into the media spin. I had stopped thinking unless it was about how I could get more of what ever it was that I wanted or believed I needed. Now my road to children was not easy, and I’m not sure that I could even put a reason on paper as to why I decided to have children, but I did.

My first pregnancy ended in the miscarriage of twins. My second pregnancy was utterly horrible. I gained enough weight to essentially double what I currently weigh. There were many issues, a complicated birth and ultimately a child with Autism. After all this, I went ahead and got pregnant again. This third pregnancy again was complicated, had an emergency c-section birth and brought me a second child with Autism. After this birth, I was informed that getting pregnant another time could in fact end my life.

In between these boys I became a Christian. It changed the way I see the world. Now, this isn’t so much about religion as it is about how I took my head out of the sand and really saw the world I was living in. Being a Christian just gave me the courage to look long and hard and honestly at what was around me. Faith brings with it hope. That hope lets you look and see.

Being a parent is something awesome to experience, regardless of how your children come to you. You enter a realm of learning that you could never otherwise experience. It can not be bought in any book or class. It can not be learned in any sermon or TV talk show. It comes only through living it.

What a parent learns are the things we all think we already know. And we do know them, just not to the full. As a parent you learn so much more about grace, humility, love, forgiveness, sacrifice, self-control, mercy, and patience than you ever thought was possible. What is fair suddenly seems different. What is right or wrong seems instantly clear even when you can’t articulate it well. The world is suddenly crystal clear, and very ugly. A scary world gets balanced with the blessings of life with kids. Kids bring their own style of joy to your life.

Or at least, that is what I believe parenting should be doing for you. My problem is that I see and meet a lot of parents who never made the leap. Parenting did nothing to change them. They are still living self-fish, unthinking lives, and now they are dragging along a few children behind them. It’s utterly wrong, arrogant and self-centered.

But, this is one of my personal pet peeves in life. A person who goes along day after day, year after year without ever really thinking about anything makes me crazy. I’m not saying everyone should spend all their free time listening to opera and reading the classics or doing chemistry and calculus for fun, but, there is a consequence for never using the brain that holds up your skull. I’m also not saying that we should never have fun or do frivolous things, just admit them for what they are. I know all kinds of “smart, thinking” people who watch lots of TV or read romance novels when they’re on the beach or subscribe to “junk” magazines or go to the movies—and I don’t mean the smart foreign kind! We all need to do fun stuff, to give ourselves a break, but we still need to tune back in later.

I suspect that this issue of non-thinking parents is bigger than just one generation. It’s not really limited to just my generation and the ones to follow. It’s part of a pattern that started long ago. When? I don’t know and I’m not sure I ever will want to spend that much time to find out. What I do know is that the pattern is there; it exists and continues to get worse.

The pattern I see is this. We have parents with kids who are over involved in activities, stretched in academics and pushed from birth to become great adults. A little of all of these are ok, but what’s missing is not ok. These kids have no real relationships with their parents. It used to be that when kids hit the teen years there would be rebellion and defiance and the famous line “You don’t even know me or anything about me!” I think most teens have screamed this at one or both parents at least once. The real problem is that this is a real problem!

I believe that there are parents right now who really, truly don’t even know their infants, let alone their teens. If you give birth to a baby and hand it off to someone else to care for it six weeks into its life, you are basically hiring a stranger to do your job of getting to know this child. Maybe you’re giving this child over to a close relative or family friend, fine and dandy, but you’re still putting your responsibility of intimately knowing your own child onto someone else.

I’m not saying that child care is bad or unnecessary. We live in a brutal and unfair world. There are plenty of families where they literally do have to have everyone working to be able to make it, but shouldn’t that have been a thought somewhere in someone’s mind before having a child? I mean, don’t we look at our lives closely before we decide to buy a car or a house, and that’s a lot less of a commitment than a lifetime of a child.

So the parents are partially having a problem getting into relationships with their children because of child care. What else is going on? There are lots of families that use child care and still have “normal” relationships with their kids. So what else is there? I think these parents are having a hard time modeling good relationships for their kids because they don’t have any of their own.

When divorce was less common and more taboo, there was an advantage on the relationship front. Now, I’m not talking about marriages with abuse that stayed together and everyone came out damaged in some way. What I’m talking about here is the marriage where the love had worn down. The marriage with a low level of bickering that was as constant as the TV in the background. Marriages that we today would quickly say are dysfunctional and should end in divorce.

The advantage of a less than perfect marriage was that everyone had to work it out. At least on the most basic low level of minimal civility, the mom and dad had to work it out. What you had were families that were far from perfect, far from what we today would consider a good marriage, but at the same time a family full of people who had really learned how to work things out with each other. Those kids were able to in turn make friends in the neighborhood without a supervised and superficial program. They were able to survive in a classroom with all levels and kinds of kids. They survived the playground. And the lunchroom. And gym. They were able to get and keep jobs because they were able to work with people above and below them in the structure. They were able to work with customers.

As time has gone by though, there has been so called progress. It’s easier than ever to get married and divorced. It seems as though a lot of people don’t even care. It’s an archaic tradition. An unnecessary formality. Then there are all the deviations on the original.

This progress in divorce territory has really led to disposable relationships. It gets a little hard, people cut the cord. I don’t know too many people who like to work hard, especially at something like a relationship.

So if kids are 2nd or 3rd generations out of divorces or no marriage backgrounds how does it affect them? Does it? Most people will argue that there is really no effect. Nothing happens. I’d argue differently. In fact, I will.

I think if you allow this constant stream of child raising without families, there is bound to be trouble. This is marriage and extended family. There is great benefit to family. It is sticky and nasty, messy and dirty. They can be mean; they can make your life difficult. They can be the biggest blessing in your life.

Life in a family, even the most minimally functional family, produces people who are capable of so much in life. Being a part of a family will force you to learn about others and about yourself. When there are spouses who work at getting along, or even don’t work at getting along, they are setting a stage for their kids. Children are learning there is more than one way to solve a situation. They learn that at times, relationships can be uncomfortable. They learn that it’s ok for everyone to have their own thoughts and be their own person, while still being a part of a group.

That’s the bit we’ve messed up. We’ve lost it. We have spent so much time and energy in the last few generations focusing on the individual that’s it’s become impossible for anyone to feel good about being a part of a group. Even a part of a couple. Think about for a minute. What do people say when they’re splitting up? “I need my space.” “I wanted to do my things.” “I just couldn’t be who he/she wanted me to be.”

Somehow, this has filtered into everything. Schools and sports are often all about making each person feel special. Kid’s sports teams don’t keep score anymore because they don’t want anyone to have hurt feelings. How does that help you as an adult in the working world? No company that I’ve ever heard of says everyone gets a raise because we don’t want anyone to have hurt feelings? Come on. Think about academics for a minute. How many kids are getting passed into the next grade so they won’t feel badly instead of because they have done the work, learned the lessons and are now qualified to be in the next grade? Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? But do you want one of these kids who got passed along grade after grade so he wouldn’t feel bad to be the Dr. in charge when you have terminal cancer or perhaps even be the next president? That’s where we’re heading.

We have whole generations of children who are now adults that were raised with this attitude. They were special. They were individuals. It’s good to pat kids on the back now and again, especially when they deserve it, but it’s been over done. Now we have adults that are so focused on themselves, they can’t possibly be in a meaningful relationship with anyone else. They aren’t even able to see themselves in a truthful way. They have only the delusional vision given to them by well meaning parents.

When you can’t see yourself truthfully, you can’t be truthful in a relationship. Now, I’m not saying that everyone is running around lying to each other, but if you really don’t know what makes you tick, how are you ever going to even care what makes your spouse tick, let alone even think of figuring out what makes your kids go. See how this works?

It just continues to spiral on and on. Much like this thought has. As you can see, it’s something that I’ve been thinking about and working on. It needs a lot of work yet. That’s where you come in. Rip it apart. Tell me what you’re thinking. Why bother? Well, either you can prove me wrong and gloat or you’ll help me figure out my arguments and point out the holes in my thinking.

40 Years of SummerFest

Summerfest is still cool. There is just so much to see--people watching wise--that it's worth the money. Then there's the music.

Last night we enjoyed four different bands or performers, five if you count the ethnic band that never stopped. All the music was great in it's own right and the crowds were funny too.

The most unbelievable moments came thanks to the group I'll be calling the Boomer Bullies. Clearly this was their first Summerfest experience.

Lesson one for the Boomer Bullies. All concerts viewed at Summerfest are not in fact viewed as much as they are participated in. Most people stand during the music, on the ground, the picnic tables or the bleacher seats. If you want to sit and watch a concert, pay the money to see them somewhere else or buy the DVD and sit at home in your leather recliner.


Lesson two. They stand, dance and drink at the same time. So, spills happen. Get over it. Be thankful it's only a spill and not vomit. That also happens at Summerfest. If your clothes are not wash and wear, you shouldn't be at Summerfest. Or maybe, you just need a drink of your own.

Lesson three, similar to lesson one. Summerfest is audience participation. If you want to really hear the music, buy it and listen at home. The crowd sings. The crowd cheers. The crowd laughs. Maybe you should try singing along.

All in all it was great fun. We enjoyed our night out. Although my own lesson from Summerfest is this: When you are responsible for children, even if you don't drink too many, it is darn hard to go to bed at 2:30 and get up to be a cheerful momma at 5:30!! A pot of coffee, a few aspirin, lots of water and unlimited TV do help though.

Our night wound down with the end of the REO Speedwagon concert overlapping the start of the fireworks. We strolled across the grounds, snagged some more snacks and finished the night with the best of the Violent Fems. What's not to love there? We also caught the 80's segment of Pat McCurdy.

Our night was sort of like a high school reunion. Only better. We had all the great food and music, plus drinks and none of the classmates. It was also one of the very few times The Mr. and I have ever been out in the city doing anything and not run into any people he knew. Very, very fun.

Here's hoping for a slow, quiet and peaceful day over here.

Yet Another Article About Autism

Not sure what I think about this article, but I think I'd like to see an Autistic mouse. What does he do? Line up his rodent pellets and then screech at the other mice when they move them? I don't even know how you would possibly label a mouse as Autistic, but anyway, this is "science". So have a read.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070627/hl_afp/ushealthautism;_ylt=AgYemyAcZviNz3ieo5vY5.IEtbAF

Scheduled Insanity

This is a week traveling at the speed of light, or at least the speed of my life.

This afternoon I was "interviewed". It seems we are about to be the featured foster family of the month.

A little silly if you ask me. We truly don't do anything special.

I'm looking forward to a busy few days and may not make it to the screen to share it with you, but I'll try. Just in case I don't, I'll give you a quick schedule.

Wednesday--Little Miss visits dad, Littlest Mr. has last morning of VBS, Little Mr. has piano lessons, Foster family picnic, ladies night out at Fox River Christian Church--guest speaker, a DJ from the FISH radio station.

Thursday--Grandma comes to visit, The Mr. and I attend opening night of Summerfest, Grandma stays overnight.

Friday--Grandma goes home, The Mr. goes sailing, The Littlest Mr. goes to the YMCA

Saturday--I go to a little ladies brunch thanks to my stamping lady, then it's off to church

Sunday--I think I'm going to be catching up on all the stuff I forget to get to this week and the things I don't have time for

Monday--Dental D-Day, take two

Then, we're rapidly approaching the 4th of July. I can hardly believe it.

As it is, I just realized last night, that The Little Miss has been a part of our family now for 5 months. I never would have believed it could be both this simple and this hard, or that the time would really go by so quickly.

I'm working on a thinker piece right now vaguely on the topic of families, kids, relationships and everything else wrong with the world. Look for it to come in the near future.

I'm Having A Bad Day!!

Today was to be D-Day. Dental Day, that is.

Alas, it is not meant to be.

Again.

So I made all these arrangements. A neighbor to pick up The Littlest Mr. from VBS. The Mr. home from work to be here when The Little Miss returns from her visit. A specific time so that Ms. Dental Sales Rep. Assistant To Whom-ever could be present.

Could Ms. Dental return a confirmation call for an appointment set specifically for her time frame 3 weeks in advance?

No. Of Course not. She's like everyone else. Too important to be bothered with other human beings! So self absorbed she could not call until this morning to tell everyone it wasn't convenient to her schedule after all, and could we all jump through hoops and do the whole thing tomorrow?

Got news for ya Buttercup, this chick doesn't jump. I don't do hoops. And I will not flip a whole families schedule because you couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone in advance.

It's just plain self-fish.

I happen to dislike self-fish.

Call it a pet peeve if you must.

So, I thought I'd do my best to remain in a good mood. I mean I've only been waiting for 6 months for these teeth to be replace, what's another week, really? I mean, lets be real here, it's only a stupid dental drama that I've been dealing with (or perhaps not!) for the last 20 or so years.

I can be a good sport about this.

Again.

So I packed the kids off to the WalMart. Hoping for the best. Just needing a few things. Thinking I'll get the kids a little something to play with just for having to humor mommy today.

Oh, and did I mention that The Little Miss went to bed at 9:30, woke at 10:30, 1:30, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30, 4:00, 4:30 & finally rose for the day at 5:AM.

Feeling a little cranky and a little groggy, I pack them in the van. Clearly against any better judgement I may have had at some other point in my life, we enter the store.

There is whining. There is wailing. There is wandering.

All I want is a grill for tailgating, diapers and something to soothe her to sleep at night.

I leave with a grill, propane--which upon pulling into the garage I discover I didn't really need after all, diapers, a crib lullaby light toy thing, batteries for the crib toy, and two Ninga Turtles.

After trying two sets of new batteries in the lovely sleepy toy, the thing still doesn't turn on. Reading the directions carefully, it says, should something be wrong with this item please call our 1 800 number before returning it to the store you bought it from. I dial and wait. I listen to a zillion options. I press buttons. There are no people at this number.

Many phone calls later, I am still not able to reach a live person, nor am I able to turn on the stupid toy.

The Little Miss is also now screaming her lungs out, because we are trying the Dr.'s method of getting her to sleep at night. It's simple, he says. Just don't let her nap during the day. Sure. No problem.

Ever tried to keep a sleepy baby awake?

As I'm holding the screaming Miss on my lap and sending a semi-hostile email to the toy company help desk, she falls asleep. I'm not talking a light doze here. This is the roll out of bed, hit the floor and keep on sleeping kind of nap.

So much for Dr.'s advice.

Nothing against him really. He's a great Dr. He just wasn't particularly helpful this week.

We have so far topped off this day with a really messy kitchen, a dismal dinner outlook and two Little Mr.'s with new turtle toys fighting with each other.

I'm hoping we all make it through to tomorrow.

Some days are just so insane it's funny.

He Wandered Too Far

There has been a story in the local news this week that caught my attention. A 7 year old Autistic boy wandered away from home. He just opened the door and walked out without anyone noticing. His parents never heard him come up from playing in the basement. The never heard him slip out the door.

His body was found in a pond yesterday, just a short way from his home.

These special children are known to wander. The problem is, it's unpredictable. You always think, my kids don't wander, I don't have to worry about it, and then they slip out the door.

The Littlest Mr. did it early last year. He had just turned 4. I was in another room when I suddenly realized I didn't hear him. I could hear his brother, but not him. I called him all around the house. He did not answer. I went outside after locking The Little Mr. inside. I made my way to the corner, calling him, fighting that feeling of panic.

He did finally wander back. He had gone part way down the road to look for friends to play with. I don't know what made him turn around and return. He could just as easily continued on down the road.

This news story could have been mine.

Autistics are interesting. Even mine, the so called recovered. You never really know what they know or don't know. You never really see how their minds work. You never, ever really see the world through their eyes.

As well adjusted adults we often find the world a difficult place to navigate and survive. I can't imagine what the world looks like to these kids. I can only hope that I will teach them enough skills to survive it.

Truth Or Lies

The Mr. reads a thing called The Daily Reckoning. He loves it. Thinks it's funny.

Truth?

I can barely understand it.

But, I thought this was a delightful and true statement. It reflects us Americans in so many ways.

"People prefer deception to truth. Lies, especially flattering lies, make them feel good about themselves. They are convenient and soothing, like diet cola - sweet and empty. The truth, by contrast, is too strong. It disturbs our digestion and troubles our sleep."

Isn't that just perfect.

Yes, words amuse me.

A Glimpse Into My World

An excerpt from my writing time yesterday.

Tell me what you think.
**********************
I’m running late as usual. I whip my van into the parking lot looking to the side for her car as I note in my mind that I really need to clean it up. Shifting into park I feel half empty water bottles slide against my foot and hear a soccer ball rolling around behind me. Leaning over I scramble for my handbag. It’s a tiny little thing stuffed to overflowing with all my essentials which really means a bunch of kid stuff.

I get out of the van trying to compose myself, think of a reasonable excuse for being late again and still scanning the lot for her car. At last I see it tucked over behind a tree. For just a moment I pause, pretending to be putting my keys into my bag, but really whispering one last prayer for this meeting.

One deep breath. Steady my hands. Slow my steps. Another deep breath. Smile. Open the door. Walk to her table. Look into her eyes. Take her hand.

“It’s good to see you again. It’s been far too long.” I say gently.
*********************

It's really fun to write. I like getting to sit down and meet my characters. I like getting to see where they go and what they do. I like being able to play it out in my head and on paper. Although this one was strange. They were surprising me.

It's sort of like playing pretend with your dolls when you were a kid. Only better.

I don't know that I'll ever do anything with what I write other than amuse myself and stay sane.

Saturday At My House

The Mr. and I sat here last night looking over the Summerfest play list. We wondered if we could pull it off. We're not twenty-something anymore. Could we really spend a whole day there doing the Summerfest Thing? Who on earth would take our pack of critters for the long day and well into the night? Should we do it?

We're still thinking it over. It sure looks good.

Go check it out for yourself. www.summerfest.com

So, today.

The Mr. went sailing.

I took the pack to the grocery store.

The Mr. went sailing.

I plunged the toilet.

The Mr. said I like your blog.

I smiled in spite of myself.

The Mr. said let's make time in our life for you to write.

Blessed am I.

Character

My life is often more interesting than I give it credit for.

It gets filled up with small things that often overshadow the big thoughts, but the mingled pile of it is what makes a great life. I don't get much time to sort the whole thing out, but I will. I know that I will be given seasons of peace and rest later. In the present I just try to squeeze as much in as I can.

Yesterday's mundane moments included boys with straws. The Little Mr.'s really like to drink out of straws. I get it. It's fun. I have an issue with straws, but that's my thing, so I take a deep breath and hand them out. During dinner last night, the boys got creative. At least right now, that's how I'm choosing to look at it. The Littlest Mr. decided to suck applesauce through his straw. We smiled and I foolishly said well, at least it's not BBQ sauce, which instantly made the 9 year old Mr. give it a try. BBQ through a straw is not a good idea.

My friend and I mulled this over on our walk, along with many other things. These walks are great. We walk for about an hour. I am short, so I have to go pretty fast to keep up. It's great for our health, but better for our minds. A short break from the family time. As full time stay at home homeschool moms we have a lot of family time. A break is a good thing. We talk about everything and nothing. It's perfect.

In our family we eat two meals a day together. Over breakfast we have a family devotion time. Today there was a thought in there that I wanted to share here. Just for the thinking. This is in reference to 2 Peter 1:5.

"We are not meant to be seen as God's perfect, bright-shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace. Drudgery is the test of genuine character. The greatest hindrance in our spiritual life is that we will only look for big things to do. Yet, "Jesus...took a towel and...began to wash the disciples' feet..."(John 13:3-5)."

Quoted from My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers. Excellent.

Drudgery is the test of genuine character.

Think on that as you're standing in line at the post office, doing dishes, balancing the check book, taking out the trash, changing yet another diaper, or any other thing on our seemingly mundane list of daily stuff.

Think on it.

Really think.

Drudgery is the test of genuine character.

What does your genuine character say about you?

One Hour

It was only about an hour, but I'm exhausted.

If you've never spent time in your local county public health office, you can't even begin to imagine where I've been. You see, The Little Miss is on the WIC program. Not a big deal. She was on it before she came into the system and into our lives. Today, however, she needed to be re-certified. So did about 50 other kids.

This may have been the most multi-cultural hour of my life. Being a foster parent sure is stretching me. I am stunned as I sit here, that I can't think of a way to describe my experience without sounding racist or prejudiced.

Up until I began caring for foster kids, I lived a very sheltered suburban life. For many years now, all my circles of friends have been pretty much made up of white, Christian, married couples with kids. I still can't say that this has changed much, but the circles are widening. I am now interacting with people speaking all different languages, arrayed in many colors and with names more interesting than Jennifer with two n's. Soon I'm sure, I'll be calling some of these people, friend.

I remember a conversation years ago about diversity. I don't remember who it was with, but I'm almost certain in was in a bar. Those were some days, long ago. We talked about how all our friends looked and acted like us. We talked about wanting to have friends that weren't like us, but not knowing how to go about it without it seeming fake. You can desire diversity in your life all you want, but for a little white girl to suddenly show up in say a hair salon that caters to African American women and try to make friends would be weird at best. And, it wouldn't work. That's not how friends are made.

So how does one go about expanding their circles? I'm not sure I know the answer yet, but I bet it has a lot to do with expanding who you are. Taking on some new things. Things that your current circle of friends might think is insane. It's possibly part of the answer to life. So what if your friends think you've gone around the bend. Go do it anyway. Live some life. Don't just get through it, live it.

Back to the WIC office. It wasn't horrible by any stretch. It was really kind of neat. There were so many different groups of people represented there. Moms, dads and guardians. We all had kids with us. To a certain degree, we all looked the same. Casual dress and a diaper bag. At least one child in tow. We all were there waiting. Trying to be polite while waiting a really long time. Trying to keep our kids behaving well. We were all there because we want something good for these kids.

I've grown a ton. How do I know this? I wasn't afraid. I wasn't feeling judged. I didn't feel like people were watching me. Those of you that know me really well, that's huge.

Mid-June

It's the middle of June and I'm just about half way through my reading project for this year. I'm feeling pretty good about being on track.

My big goal is to read the Bible cover to cover this year. It shouldn't be that hard. I read hundreds of pages a year without any issue year after year. And yet it is hard.

Just like other hard things, it's worth it. I'm enjoying it. It gives you a new look at something you think you know.

Another busy summer day around here. For a change all the kids were at the neighbors house. Know what great toy she had for them? It wasn't sticks and dirt, although later it involved mud. You guessed it...garden hose. The perfect summer toy. Turn on the water and walk away. You've just unleashed hours of fun.

Now, of course you have to be OK with the whole wasting precious water, destruction of the planet, expense, etc. But that line of thought follows just about everything in our daily American lives. There aren't too many things to do that I can think of that don't have some sort of negative impact on our precious planet.

Something to think on.

Note To Self

What seems insane to a mom is really just normal kid play.

Case in point. My front yard at this very moment. One good climbing tree, one wagon, 6 kids and some really impressive imaginations. To just listen, it sounds awful. So much whine, arguing, negotiating, manipulating and grand standing. But at the same time, they're all having a great time. No one is really upset, or even getting bothered. It's just the way kids learn to be with each other. To cooperate. To collaborate.

They're playing zoo. One kid pulls the wagon. One rides. The puller narrates the zoo tour. The other kids are the animals. Quite amazing. And this is day two of this game. Hard to believe it, but entirely true.

It's really all because of The Mr. He cleaned the garage this weekend. The Mr. declared to me that there is nothing so gratifying to a man as a clean garage after a long winter. I countered that perhaps a clean basement could rival this awesome feeling. He just chortled. In the back of this dirty winter garage was our wonderful wagon. Buried under stuff pretty much from the day we moved in. After two years, it's really good to have it out and see it getting it's day in the sun.

Weekend Update

In spite of spending most of the night awake with The Little Miss, I'm in a really good mood. It is a wonderful thing in my world to wake up a little sunburned with a few sore muscles looking back over the weekend and realizing I did some 'work' things and some fun things. The work things are what left me sore. Carpet spots. I really hate carpet. Or at least I hate carpet with kids and pets. My ideal family home would have all hard floors. No carpets. Not even in the bedrooms. It just gets too nasty too quickly and no one really has the time or money to keep it clean the way you should. You just end up with a house full of nasty carpet.

The sunburn came from the fun stuff. I sat on my deck in the sun with a stack of books. That was my fun. It was peaceful and perfect. The kids came and went. I saw the baby bunny. I finished one book. It was delightful.

Looking ahead to the weather forecast, I'm seeing more days like that ahead. This is my favorite kind of weather. Clear, sunny skies, light breeze and mild temperatures. Warm enough for the summer clothes, but not so hot that you need to shower after sitting outside.

Today's paper had two alarming headlines. A shooting that killed 6 and wounded a toddler. Always frightening and sad, but the worst part, was that the neighborhood ignored the whole thing. Everyone interviewed said they heard the shots, but didn't do anything about it because it was either kids with fireworks or a shooting, but that sort of thing happens all the time around here. Nice attitude. I think I'd rather have nosey neighbors who called the cops and were wrong.

The second headline was about foster care. The number of foster families in our local area--not my county, but the county I take kids from--has dropped from 2800 to less than 600. It's a somewhat interesting article that pokes at a few of the issues. This is really a nation wide issue.

I've seen so many conflicting reports about the state of the American family, that it's not funny. Some say it's all down hill from here, some say it's exactly the same as it was. I have my thoughts on kids and families, but I've run out of time for today. Plus I have some kids to take care of right here.

In The Sunshine With A Good Book

Reunions are so silly. In the end, it was quite fun. We got to check in with a lot of people we haven't seen in a while. Everyone compared notes on where they're working and how many marriages and kids we all had. We didn't see everyone we had hoped to see, as is the case with any reunion.

We also got in the car and chuckled about how most of the men had gained a few pounds and lost some locks. The ladies seemed to be aging as gracefully as the corporate world allows. Of course there were a few people that were exactly as you had remembered them. Almost as if time stood still.

My outfit was perfect for me. I felt great wearing it. A huge accomplishment in itself. I'm still feeling guilty about the total cost of it though. Added on to the cost of the reunion, babysitter and dinner and it just about puts me over the edge.

Today I'm looking forward to a peaceful and pleasant weekend. Nice weather and a stack of books. No real time commitments outside of Saturday night church.

So, for today's recommended reading--the book I've just finished: Reading Like A Writer A Guide For People Who Love Books And For Those Who Want To Write Them, by Francine Prose. A very thoughtful book. A book that makes you just want to slow down, not just for reading, but for all of life. A reminder to just be so present in your own life and suck it all in.

Head to the library and read something. Anything. Just be reading.

The Big Day

Earlier this week I tried to make a post with pictures and failed. I'm so not technical. I can barley figure out the scanner to get the photo into the computer. It will be weeks before I figure out how to get the photos back out.

I know, I know, just go digital. I suppose it would solve my problem. It just isn't a big enough problem for me to really care. Plus, I don't have that much extra cash lying around to spring for one of those newfangled gizmo's.

Well folks, today is the day. We all survived the big storm that never really hit in our area. Other parts of the state have been leveled. The morning paper said 9 tornado's touched down making a nice path across the state. We also had hail from golf ball to baseball size. Here in my neck of the woods we had rain. One huge crack around 11:15, but that was it. I'm sure it was lightning hitting somewhere near.

Tonight I'll be wearing the magical outfit. Finally. I hope it will all be worth it. I'll be out on a date with The Mr.

I'm also looking forward to a weekend with no plans. It's been a while since I've had one of those. It should be wonderful. Off to enjoy the day and the weekend.

Coach Mom Is A Good Sport

Well, The Little Miss is officially one.

It was quite the day. She was able to see her momma, and that's all good.

I was a good sport about the whole event, and that's also good.

It sometimes seems as though I am spending a lot of my time these days being a good sport. Hm. Oh well. Sometimes, that really is just the way it is. You have to make the best of it all, otherwise you do too much of something else like eat, cry or drink.

We tried our best at a little video conference with the web cams the other day. Not so successful, but really entertaining for the kiddo's. That's about all you really need anyway. Right?

It is summer here. So that means I'm reading lots of books, only a few of which are home school or Autism related. In the summer I like to read other things. Things that are interesting or make me think. Of course, I'm reading them a few paragraphs at a time in stolen moments between laundry, kids and band aids. A household theme, much like dirt and sticks.

Ah, life with boys. Always exciting. Always full of things like moths and frogs.

It seems as though it will be a busy week, just like every week around here. But it's OK. I have a new theme to work on this summer. I want to become a more relaxed mom. I want to let all the truly little stuff roll off and blow away. It's not always like me to be that way, but I'd like it to be. Especially with the kids. Not to say I want them running loose and wild unsupervised, but I want them to have the freedom to really be themselves, to experience things on their own and learn from life without me backseat driving. They need some space and time to make choices and see what happens. They need time to figure things out for themselves. We all do. Besides, I don't want to be making the play calls for their lives when they're in their 20's. I want them to be able to make their own calls and live with it well.

I Did It...I Shopped

For me it is awful. Almost unbearable. Painful.

And that's just the parking lot.

From there I entered The Mall. Not a pleasant thing. So much noise. So many people. So many trendy outfits not intended for this 30-something mid-western momma.

I really wanted to zoom in, go to my chosen store, walk up to the racks, grab a few items and hit the changing room. I wanted to pull on the duds, be amazed at myself in the mirror, hand over my credit card and be home by 8PM. Oh so sadly, it was not meant to be like that for me.

While shopping in The Mall, I realized a few things. I'm not trendy. I'm not fashionable. I'm not hip. I'm not under 20. I don't like to part with our money for clothes. I don't much care that I'm not hip, trendy or fashionable.

A dear friend told me to enjoy my shopping trip. After a few fitting rooms, my plan was to abandon the mall, wear something old and ucky from my closet and hit the local custard stands instead. As I walked to the other end of The Mall where I'd parked I could hear the rain and thunder. Yes, inside over the noise of The Mall, I could hear rain. That motivated me to shop a little longer.

Low and behold the perfect outfit was found. I'm a total geek. I picked out blue Capri's and a white polo from Land's End. A white purse and white sandals. Some silver jewelry. Perfume. Another lovely in my life told me these things are part of buying a new outfit. Accessories count.

The total just about made me vomit, but at least the dressing room mirror didn't.

Later at home I realized I could count up the last three times I'd bought anything near a total outfit. It's been two funerals and a wedding. All three outfits have never been worn a second time. Sadly, it's a multi-year time frame. Almost into the double digits. I have a real problem spending money on myself.

So anyway, the trauma is over. I have the outfit. Now I can get back to looking forward to our night out. I actually like the outfit enough that I'm excited to wearing it.

More birthday's this weekend. The Little Miss turns 1 on Monday. We are planning to celebrate a little for her this weekend as Monday looks to be a pretty full day. That's the best part of being 1 though, you really don't mind if you celebration is on the exact day.

The Little Mr. will have his birthday on Thursday. He is going to be old enough to understand that we can't always celebrate on the exact day. Our week is very full. He has graciously agreed to get his gift early--as in last weekend--and have his celebration day on Wednesday when our family calendar is less full.

God bless all three of The Little's.

Smiling Soon

I thought I'd be happily posting a picture of a brand new smile.

Wrong.

Custom teeth take time. Lots of time. Lots of impressions. Lots of dollars.

I'm wishing it was over.

25 more days to wait.

If

nothing goes wrong.

I'm not holding my breath.

But I do know that someday relatively soon

it will be over.