A Zoo, The Zoo?

Even though life around here is a zoo all the time, this slacker mom hasn't taken her kids to the big county zoo since moving in. Two years ago.

So. It's time. We're off for a day of fun and noises and smells. It should be wonderful.

We're going to leave it all here. Right where it sits.

That's the way to do it after all.

Go have some fun today.

It's worth it.

Birthday Surprise

The Mr. has done it again. He is one for surprising me. This year is no exception.

Way back in June he started planning. I just didn't know it. He's been working with my friend Ms. K and plotting and planning and now the surprise has been sprung.

I'm off on Saturday for a week in the Lone Star State. Just me. I'll be having some girlfriend time and some time alone. I can hardly stand it. I'm speechless. I'm stunned. I'm really, REALLY excited!

I'm also looking at a good size to do list to get done before I hit the runway.

Just Amazing.

The Mr. I mean. I couldn't ask for more. He's given up the last of the summer sailing so I can go. He's taking off work and taking on the life of the homeschooling special needs foster mom. For 8 days.

I know he'll do it well.

And. I'll say it again.

He's amazing.

And I'm so very blessed in this extraordinary, ordinary, everyday Midwestern life of mine.

Never A Quiet Moment Around Here

Well, it's official. It's day 3 of home school year 5 around here and we're already on day 2 of being off the schedule. Ah, well. At least we're having school with some fun and a much better attitude than last year.

I'm still really just working on the whole mix of kids thing. Somehow The Little Miss is really not getting on board with the program. Plus she's working on a new pursuit. Climbing out of the playpen. Don't you sometimes wish these things came with a roof? It would keep the toys in too. Hmm.

The very loud sound of boys on the loose from the level below tells me I have to run for now.

It's All Good

It's been busy as usual around here.

We've met with the case worker and the legal aide. I've still got the forms to finish. That's a must do for the weekend. They have to hit the mailbox by Tuesday morning.

We hung a new light fixture in our dining room. It took great effort, but looks terrific. The price was right too. My neighbor is about half way through her pregnancy and getting really nesty. She had to have that light out of her house before she lost it. I remember that feeling well.

Even without a pregnancy I get a little cleaning crazy every 6 months or so. Just ask the boys. I've recently gone through their room of toys with the big box of trash bags. It's lighter and cleaner now. I'm so much happier with it, but what a project.

We also started school yesterday. It was crazy! I went from just teaching The Little Mr. to teaching both Mr.'s and having the Little Miss underfoot. Let me tell you, she does not like the school thing. Her plan is for the whole world to revolve around her at all times. How dare we sit at the table and ignore her! If it weren't for the playpen, I'd have no school books left to use today!

It was a great time though. It was a challenge to be sure. We all have to get back into the groove and remember that Mom means business during the school hours, but I think it will be a great year. I have high hopes this year. It was also probably the best school day we've had in a year or two, so that helps too.

In spite of baby girl and a trip to the library and the legal aide visit we managed to stay on track with the assignment sheet, if not the actual schedule. That's the secret to my schedule. I write it in pencil so we can change it as we realize how things will really work around our lives instead of how we'd ideally like them to go.

Off to school. Time to find a dinner. I must get The Little Miss ready for a visit to her mom.

I almost forgot.

How could I?

She took her first real steps on Sunday!

She Made Me Laugh

I've added a blog to the list of Places To Read. You simply must take a few minutes and go there. This mom is famous for her Pokemon Ebay sale. A most spectacular mom of 6 tells it like it is.

Go have a read at Because I Said So.

Frenzy Time

You've heard the expression, "the calm before the storm"? Well, around here the weeks before school starts is anything but. It's the total opposite. It's more like the frenzy before the schedule!

We're all looking forward to getting back to the books and onto the schedule, even if we're only following it loosely. It's such a comfort for everyone to know what comes next on each day.

We're not there yet. These are the crazy last days of summer. We're trying to squeeze in as much fun as we can, and yet be ready to start school. We've been sorting the rooms and getting everything back in it's place. I've been going through the supplies and tracking the deliveries.

Happy news for all of us. The last of the new school books will come today. Everyone loves to get the next book. The kids are no exception.

I've also been challenged these days. I've had a few people comment to me that my written voice is different from who I am in person. I'm not so sure, but perhaps what you get here is a slower version of the real time thing. I'm thinking on the whole thing.

To answer other questions.

Yes. I simply sit down, type, hit spell check and post. I don't revise.

Yes. It would be interesting to see what I wrote if I did spend the effort to polish it up.

Yes. I do write with certain boundaries in place. I've never written any other way. I don't know what would be there if I didn't put some limitations in place. Another thing to think about.

General news. It's been a little fun around here. A friend came over and rearranged a bunch of my furniture. It looks fabulous! I'm so utterly stunned that she could take my old junk, rearrange it make it look so great. I'm thinking seriously about letting her at the rest of my house. She made it very grown up and pretty.

I have a neighbor with bad luck. All in a week, she's had a child break a bone, develop a peanut allergy, a nephew in the hospital and a grandma in the hospital. Crazy! She wants me to come over and get a light fixture. She even volunteered her husband to come over and put it up for me. Talk about nesting, and she's only half-way on baby number 3!!

Lego club has of course slipped my mind and my calendar. The Little Miss tried hard to knock out some teeth last week. The 4th Birth to Three coordinator has quit on us. The case worker is coming for a visit. The court paperwork still isn't done. We're not registered for swim lessons yet. And. The Mr. is on travel duty for the next month or so. Off and on all around the country for the next several weeks. Crazy!

So, all in all. I'm sticking with my assessment of it being the frenzy before the regularly scheduled programing!

Life's A Journey

Today my journey expands. I'll be starting a 6 month stretch of Tae Kwon Do. The Little Mr.'s are going already and loving it. I start today. I'm hoping it's as fun as it looks and as easy too. I suspect it's a lot harder work than it appears and I'll be having some sore muscles for a while.

I'm also working on a court form for The Little Miss. I've been avoiding it for a week or so. The questions are thinkers and are really making me stop and think about the future of this little one. It's a hard road to look down. Every fork in this road is tainted with sadness. No matter where she ends up or how long it takes her to get there, there will be some loss. There already is. When I'm just living the day to day with her and playing the role of mom, it's easy to ignore the uncertain path she's on. It's easy to forget all the sadness this little one has already had and will later have, even if she gets a "happy ending". Part of the problem is the multiple happy endings available. Sometimes it seems like each party involved has a different idea of what the ending looks like. We're all supposed to be on the same page, and in a way we are, but in a way we're really not.

I can't explain it really, other than to say that this foster care thing is hard and awful, yet good and rich and right. Somehow it's all things rolled into one. But isn't that how a lot of really great things in life are? The bad and good are all tied together in such an inseparable way that it's all one package. Because it's a people thing it's just like any relationship that changes your life. They shake you and stretch you and set you off and yet you would stop the world for them.

Plain and simple. I guess it's just love.

August Tomatoe

A very busy day.

Things got a little off schedule. We've had a ton of visitors and now have a ton of laundry. Our place is a general mess and the kids are in the end of the summer crazy phase. They're just banging around getting on my nerves and each others. They're bored and don't want to do anything.

It happens every summer.

My highlight these days. All food. A wonderful ice cream treat thanks to The Mr. August tomatoes. Is there more to say? There is really nothing so fine for lunch in August as a ripe tomato, a few bites of cheese, a hand full of nuts and some ice water.

All's well and right in my world.

Now, if I could just get a little sleep...

Rattle Some Cages

I’ve had a long few weeks with things rattling around in my head. There is so much to sort out about faith, religion, and truth. I’m trying to make sense of some of the things people have recently told me. I know that religion and church together or separate can screw up a person. I think there is value in being a Christian, but I think it’s the totally different sort of Christian. I think we are so missing the mark here. I enjoy the big church and all it offers in the sense of community programs and building friendships, but I think that really isn’t what being a Christian or living a Christian life is all about. To be a Christian is a lot more about who you chose to be and how you chose to behave in the world around you.

Our sermon was about judging. My thinking is about relationships. It is all so very complicated. Current day Christians seem to base a lot of their life on judgment and denial. We seem to spend an awful lot of time “knowing” how right we are and how we can prove it. I’m sure that isn’t what it’s all about. Of course, this writing sounds a lot like judgment. I’m really just sorting things out. I think in words on paper. Always have.

Side step religion and church here for just a minute. Those are different and separate from what I’m actually talking about. I think that around the world there are people like me. Maybe not a ton, but I believe that we are out there. We have read and understand the principles that are in the Bible. The instructions on how to live. We are humble and see our own faults—we like to call them sin. We try our best to live lives that are focused on others, loving them, serving them, not judging them, being good stewards of what’s been given to us—including the Earth. We’re certainly not perfect, but no one is. Do we have moments of hypocrisy? You bet. The difference is that we recognize them and are later sorry for them and want to live lives where that isn’t repeated. Do we fail? Yes. Do we keep trying to be better? Yes.

What about this hope in having an eternal afterlife with God? Sounds a bit insane doesn’t it? It does, but so does the idea that some of us will turn the tide of thinking on the globe and cause a turn around in behavior that will ultimately repair the damage we’ve done and prolong the life of the Earth. Even the Bible tells us that the Earth will ultimately be destroyed by man. And is having hope of something better later bad? Especially if it is the reward for a hard life? Is it wrong for me to comfort myself with a hope in something better later when I spend every moment of every day facing the depressing horror that is our world? The destruction we cause, the way we brutalize each other, the way we trample what is precious and beautiful, the way we abuse each other, and on and on it goes. Just in the last week I’ve been confided in by friends and family about the abuses they suffered from their own family members or spouses, all of whom claimed to be Christians.

The label is almost worthless. So many people are running around calling themselves one thing or another and yet really not meaning anything by it. My experience is that I’ve met and known hundreds of people all claiming to be “believers”, Christians, good moral people, or whatever their chosen label is, but in reality they aren’t. I say that because they choose to be believers or followers or Christians only when the circumstance fits. Depending on whose dinner party you are at, it’s cool to talk about your Bible study group, completely ignoring the fact that you are learning nothing at it. And certainly you will be at that party doing all kinds of non-Christian (meaning Biblical Christian) behaviors. Lets try on drinking to excess, eating too much, what about stewarding the resources of the planet, how about showing off, dressing to be desirable even though you’re not on the market, what about discussing topics that should be private, a lack of modesty, flaunting wealth, coveting other’s lives or things, lusting after someone else, gossiping. I could go on and on. All of this at a dinner party of supposed Christians!!

Now, being a Christian doesn’t mean that you live under a rock, are miserable and never crack a smile. We were intended to have joy, to have parties and friends and even a few drinks.

Being a Christian is not easy, but it isn’t bad either.

And so let’s jump off the ledge. Let’s just blaspheme and say there is no God. If reading the Bible, choosing to believe it and acting in a respectable way because of it the outcome, is it bad?

Judge And Jury

Sermon Notes

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” Matthew 7:1

Imagine if we lived by this good advice. Imagine if we all relinquished our desire to BE God and do the judging.

Some thoughts on why you shouldn’t be judging others.

I can only guess at a person’s motivation. I cannot know their heart. Because I cannot see the true heart or motives of another human being, I cannot know what the right amount of justice and mercy is to use in my judgment.

When I judge others I set myself up as an expert fault finder. This invites criticism. What I sow is what I will reap.

I cannot help another person if I am intent on judging them.

Judging others keeps me from dealing with my own faults.

Judgment is a way to convince myself of my superiority.

Judgment reveals my hypocrisy.

When we judge, we exaggerate the failures of others and minimize our own.

Discernment is not judgment.

Humility is the number one priority. In other words, what is your intent? Are you trying to build up yourself or someone else?

Next, make changes in yourself before attempting to change someone else.
The biggest changes you can make in life are in yourself.

Third, act only out of love and concern for others.

Use discernment to help you determine how much time and energy to invest into something or someone.

It’s not about you.

Quote of the sermon: “It’s a sad day when a person is convinced that Christianity is a fraternity of brethren that are hypocritically holier than thou.”

A Draft

I'm running late as usual. I whip my van into the parking lot looking to the side for her car as I note in my mind that I really need to clean it up. Shifting it into park I feel half empty water bottles slide into my foot and a soccer ball rolling around behind me. Leaning over I scramble for my handbag. It's a tiny little thing stuffed to overflowing with all my essentials which really means a bunch of kid stuff.
I get out of the van trying to compose myself, think of a reasonable excuse for being late again and still scanning the lot for her car. At last I see it tucked over behind a tree. For just a moment I pause, pretending to be putting my keys into my bag, but really whispering one last prayer for this meeting.
One deep breath. Steady my hands. Slow my steps. Another deep breath. Smile. Open the door. Walk to her table. Look into her eyes. Take her hand.
"It's good to see you again. It's been far too long." I say gently.
"It has been a long time. How are you doing? How are the kids? What's been going on? We have so much to catch up."'
She's piling on the questions to keep the conversation on me.
"How about if we start with some coffee? I'll be right back." I head to the counter to order us some drinks, coffee for me and tea for her.
Slow down, I'm thinking. I need to be quiet. I need to be gentle. I notice my own hands shaking as I carry our cups to the table. She has been folding and refolding a napkin.
I'm not the only one with a pounding heart. So much has gone into this moment and yet it's really all nothing.
"Here's some tea, de-cafe."
"Thanks for remembering. You didn't have to treat, really."
"It's nothing."
"So, what's going on with you? We haven't talked in so long. I want to know everything."
"Well, I'm not going to talk long, but I'll give you an update. My kids are all doing well and getting bigger. They just keep growing. School is good for them, they love their activities, you know, all the regular stuff. Things are still good at work for Ted, so no real news there. His travel is at a minimum right now, so that makes everyone happy."
I smile as I look into her eyes. I see it again. I take a long drink. It's bitter and burning my throat. I must have gotten the last cup from the pot. It's ok. I look again over my cup and see a tremble.
Fear.
I know why my hands shake, but not why hers do.
"Linda," I say gently as she searches her cup, "tell me what's going on with you?"
She looks right on through the cup for a long time before she comes to herself and can begin an answer to me. I see the anger before she has words for it. I see her desire to confront me and be right. I wait for her words knowing that I will absorb it.
"Everything is fine Emily." She says with a trace of bitterness.
Another long look at the tea. A small sip. Resolve. I can see it forming.
"Let's just get to it Emily. I really don't want any small talk tonight. I want to talk about what happened. I want to know your reasons, your motive, your logic. What were you thinking when you did this to me, to us?"
I had almost forgotten about the whole thing. Perhaps I'd just pushed it from my mind to get some peace. Sometimes you're led to do things that don't make sense at the time. They get their meaning later. This was one of those things.
I'm sure she had my email in her purse. My list of complaints that were really just a list of my brain rambling. I was trying to make sense of things and I always do that on paper. She and I never talked, always emailed. So I emptied my brain into her email. A poor choice. I don't think I could even recall the whole list and I'm betting she's going to want to go through it item by item to work it all out so that she's right and I'm wrong.
How can I make her see? Now that I've had space and time I understand. My leaving really had very little to do with the things on my list. It was in fact much bigger than that. It was huge.
I'd had to walk away for a long time to see it. It was clear on a number of fronts in my mind, finally. But now that I felt I had clarity, I had a rather ugly situation to deal with.
"You said you supported me. That you'd be there for me. That I could count on you. Then you walked away. How could you do that to me?" she whispered with tears in her eyes.
"No matter how long I stayed, or what I tried to do things would not have changed Linda. We both know that. It's just the way it is right now. I was getting really bitter and angry. I needed to walk away before I did damage that couldn't be undone. I tried to make it clear to you what I was doing, but it took some space before I could really understand what was going on."
"But you went back on your word and left me." Said from the depth of her cup.
"Linda, I'm going to be honest. It's going to sound brutal, but I don't know another way." I sighed.
She looked at me with pain and sadness. Betrayal in her eyes.
"Linda. Nothing in our relationship at that time made me think that it would matter to you one bit whether or not I ever crossed your path again."
"How can you possibly say that? We had all those coffee dates together, we emailed, we talked."
"Yes. We did. But right now, this conversation we're having, with you on the verge of tears, yes I did just say that to your face. This is the closest we've ever come to being real with each other. This is what I want and expect out of my friends and my life. I want to be with people who actually feel things. I want to be with people who know themselves enough to have feelings."
She paused. I could see her reeling from my less than nice answer. I wasn't playing by her rules. It was so politically uncorrect to be speaking "disprespectfully" to her. Someone needed to say these things to her.
"Do you really believe that Emily? Do you really believe that I haven't been real with you? That I haven't been open or honest?"
"Yes. I think you may have tried a little, but just couldn't bring yourself to let down enough of your guard to be anything. We spent hours on small talk. It's ok, but I want more. You deserve more. I wanted to be a real friend to you. I wanted us to be in a genuine friendship."
"Maybe, Linda, you don't even know yourself how to feel. Maybe you're not being open and honest with me because you're not being honest with yourself."
"Emily this is too much. How dare you? You have no right to sit there and accuse me like this, to judge me."
The quotes began. Everyone can quote scripture to back up what they need to back up. She was partially right. I was judging her and I really had no right.
"You don't live in my life. It's not that easy."
Linda looked down into that cup again. She was silent. I watched her, waiting for the next sting of words to fly from her, when I realized it wouldn't come. Her hands shook. Tears fell onto the table.
Quietly I got up from my chair and slid into the chair next to hers. I reached for her hand and held it under the table.
Gently I said, "Linda, talk to me, take this chance and trust me."

A deep breath. One sideways glance.
"Emily. It's so bad. It's so hard. I'm dying in this. I'm trapped and I can't get out."
"Linda, I'm not sure what to say."
"I know that people don't like me. I know that I don't have any real friends, but I can't."
"But what kind of a life is this?"
"It's the only life I have."
"Trust me. Talk to me."
Silence.
Linda is slowly and methodically ripping her napkin into strips. She's piling them up neatly to the side of her cup. Her tea is cold.
"It's almost over though."
"What do you mean Linda?"

Truth?

Ah, what to write about today. I'm still in a bit of a slump. I think it has a lot to do with my very long to do list, a house full of guests week after week and a foster daughter that insists I only sleep in 20 minute segments during the night. It all leaves me a bit weary and bleary.

Top that with a bit of an exciting virtual conversation I started a little by accident a few weeks ago and I'm almost a raving lunatic these days. It's a great conversation, if not a very agitated one. It has certainly had my thoughts churning and pushed me harder to get my pen on paper than I've been pushed in a while. That said, I'll share some of my half baked and half formed thoughts.

How do we know what we really know?

In my mind believing anything takes a bit of a leap of faith.

We all want to be able to point to something on paper and say that beyond all doubt this is a fact that cannot be disputed. I think there are few if any things that are really that sort of a fact.

As we (human race) progress in what we know, what we can determine, what we can theorize, etc. we continue to change what we "know" as fact.

Let's look at the medical field for a few minutes. How many diseases in the past were simply thought to be fatal, unfortunate and incurable? How many of those are now almost unseen, treatable or eliminated?

What about medication? Almost any ill you can think of has some sort of drug to treat it's symptoms if not it's actual cause. We like to believe that they are created and sold by people who really want to see other people getting well. Then a little later we find out that the tests to determine the safety of the drug were incorrect, inconclusive, manipulated, or somehow ignored simply to satisfy someones desire for wealth.

What about statistics. This example hinges on the medical, but it's the only thing I can think of off the cuff. I'm not in the mood to do research right now, this is all just thoughts off the top of my head.

Anyway, right now one of the most quoted stats on Autism is that 1 in every 150 births is a child with Autism. Depending on which side of this you're on, it could have been manipulated in so many different ways. Some folks say this new number is due to better diagnostics. Some say there is a rise in actual Autism. Some say the Dr.'s are handing out the label of Autism to often. Some say we've always had that many kids with Autism, we've just never made such a big deal out of it. It goes on and on.

What about something so fluid and unknowable like love. We all believe without doubt that our spouse or significant other loves us. How can we prove that to be a fact? Doesn't everyone have a different standard for what they consider love or being loved? There really isn't a way to put love on paper as a fact, and yet we go on about love being real and true.

So, I know it's half-baked right now. I know I've left tons of loose ends, but sometimes this is as good a place as any to get a draft of a thought out. Sometimes you readers have interesting thoughts to contribute that make me think it through a little differently.

The conversation has gotten me really thinking a lot about truth and what we take as true or fact in our lives.

As I read what I've written for today, I sound like a grumbler. I'm not.

I do in fact have a really great life. But it's full and it's hard.

I think that's the way a life Lived should look. I don't want to be just passing through, taking up space and sucking air.

I think if you're really living, life is hard. Messy. Complicated.

Hard is not bad. Messy is not wrong. Complicated is not negative.

It's good.

It's all good.

Potential

One of the greatest frustrations in my life is also part of the blessing of it all. My days and nights are so very crowded with the people I am in relationships with. They energize me and yet exhaust me. I cannot be without them. I thrive in a certain level of social interaction, but just the same, the emotional ups and downs lately and the full calendars are a weight.

The to do list is excruciatingly long. It happens at this time of the year. School is around the corner. A little different prep scene for the homeschooler. I also have The Little Miss under my care. As another court date approaches for her, I find myself with additional paperwork and arrangements to work out. The court dates also bring on some things to think through. Better to do it than let it slide for later, but just the same, it's there. The Mr. has a bit of a travel stretch ahead as well. All of this is OK, none particularly bad.

It just takes up some of my time and distracts my mind. I have a tremendous jumble of thoughts going on in my head right now. There is so much pent up writing to be doing and yet I can hardly get enough uninterrupted time to make a grocery list or take a shower. It is my life and to a certain extent I've chosen it to be this way. That doesn't make it any less frustrating. I'd cut more sleep to write, except that I'm already at the limit of what little sleep I can get by on.

It is a frustration. In the earlier years I had plenty of time to write. I just had nothing to say. I had lived so little life, loved so little, learned so little, the time was wasted. Now when I feel like even if I don't have anything really profound to contribute the world, at least I'd like to have some time to sort it out for myself.

It will come. In the mean time, I'll keep filling up notebooks and scrap papers, keep stuffing them into the diaper bag and piling them up on the counter. I'll keep making the notes and thinking the thoughts. One day it will be quiet in my world, and then I'm betting I'll be missing the noise.

It simply takes organization and discipline to get to where I'm going. It's been a long journey these past 20 years, but I've come a long way from the flighty girl I once was.

Evolution is Evolving?

Another thought provoker today. Here's an article about evolution.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070808/ap_on_sc/human_evolution;_ylt=Auk3W6wdj5FWRkgVWKAoCQIEtbAF

Stupid Computer User

Well, I'm the first to admit that I'm computer challenged. Next I'll admit that I don't much care.

My link from earlier today doesn't work. I just plain don't have the time to figure it out. I'm sure it's simple, but I'm sort of simple minded when it comes to these things. I'll get to it.

Anyway. Here's a cut and paste copy of what's been on Dr.K's mind these days. Happy reading!

Why have I been so hostile lately?

Current mood: pissed off

Hello,
One of my MySpace friends sent me a private message and asked me why my page has been so "hostile" as of late. Well, in case anyone else has the same question, here is a slightly edited version of my reply:


Like Dawkins and others, I think that organized religion is an incredibly destructive, oppressive and otherwise sad and dangerous force in the modern world. Individuals like myself who are incredibly uncomfortable with the concept of (blind) "faith" - in particular as it plays out in the religion that I am most familiar with: Christianity - are forced into a dark corner in American society today.

So many people are brainwashed at a very young age by the incredibly "wild" (yet comforting) claims of Christianity, and what's worse, these silly (and often contradictory) claims are quite effectively shielded from any criticism and attack by social norms that make it severely unacceptable to challenge a person's "faith." We have a President who believes that God told him to end the tyranny in Iraq. We have a President who believes that God put him in the White House. If President Bush claimed that Zeus told him to end the war in Iraq, or that the Viking God of War told him to end the tyranny in Iraq, we'd deem Mr. Bush thoroughly insane. The claims he makes are no less preposterous (if you really honestly think about it), yet the only reason he isn't derided for making them is that they just happen to be arbitrarily "en vogue" in our culture and protected by the institution of the Church.

Anyway, I could go on and on. The great irony, in my view, is that organized religion does far more harm than good in the modern world by forcing people to embrace a view of "truth" that has absolutely no basis whatsoever in what can be known about the universe vis-a-vis evidence (i.e., no basis in a "reality" that can be known through evidence). As Marx said, religion is the world's "general basis for consolation," it is the "opiate of the masses." Without being so drugged up on religion, I'm sure we'd be in a much better position to accomplish the things we really NEED to accomplish in order to ensure our survival and happiness as a species. The problems of violence, poverty, war, global warming, scarce resources, energy, etc. are OURS to tackle as a people. The Earth is all that matters, nothing else. If we don't have that to sustain us, we're dead in the water. But because Christianity (and other faith-based religions) tells us that we are so incredibly, amazingly "special" and so much better than everything else in the universe (which is a claim that would earn a person the title of "mentally ill" under any other conditions), we've forgotten how to live in balance with nature. And if people are under the (unfounded, loony, demented, and half-cocked) impression that Jesus is somehow going to make it okay in the end, then that, in my book, is a MASSIVE, MASSIVE world problem that may ultimately put us on a much faster, nearly ensured track to extinction.

So that's why I'm f-ing hostile. I've put up with enough scorn, derision, arrogance, belittling, anger, and hypocrisy from Christians thus far in my life. I ain't gonna sit back and take it anymore. It's the insane way of "knowing" the world (i.e., turning a blind eye to "evidence") that Christianity dumps on people that has quite obviously led to so many of my Christian (mostly Republican) associates to deny, for example, that human beings have anything to do with global warming.

But why not hold that view if evidence doesn't matter at all for truth? That's what being a Christian is all about, right? From what I can tell, it's mainly about enforcing a silly, prudish, middle-class value system and companion lifestyle that often requires ignoring scientific evidence (e.g., to show up at your lawyer-neighbor's backyard bbq, you have to own an expensive, though terribly impractical, gas-sucking SUV - maybe something like an Escalade - because otherwise you won't be able to stand around with your corporate golf shirt tucked into your Dockers shorts and talk about when you'll leave your 4000 square foot home on Sunday to go pray to Jesus to take care of homeless people). Ridiculous.Anyway, the God Delusion is doing pretty well in sales, I imagine, because lots of God-fearing folks are reading it "looking for a loophole." (Know thy enemy, right?) For those folks, I can't imagine that the book will do anything to persuade them to think anything different at all - in fact it will probably just solidify their juvenile belief in the unknowable, and then they can stand around with other fellow churchgoers and pat each other on the back and cackle about those naughty, silly, unfortunate atheists. So sad.

Screw it. It doesn't matter. What matters is that we get religious fanatics like Bush, Jr. out of the White House, maintain a strong separation between church and state, build our science curriculum in the schools, and find ways to counteract the unscrupulous, irresponsible efforts of insecure, retard-fundamentalists who try to brainwash children with goofy cartoon propaganda about how evolution is bunk. If that happens, and atheists and agnostics come together, come forward, and chip away at Christianity through vigorous reasoned argumentation, it will gradually be annihilated, and hopefully it won't be too late.

And at the very least, don't go pray for me to find "Jesus" after reading this message. Instead, think about how arrogant that is. And no, this message is not arrogant. I've heard that shit a million times. This is me finally asserting that I have a voice too among the rest.

In fact, while you're at it, why don't you just take a minute to appreciate the beauty of the world for what it really is? Why do you need all that other crazy crap? What's the quote by Nietzsche, Dave? I don't need to believe there are fairies at the bottom of the pond to appreciate its beauty...

Life In Our Galaxy

Summer sickness has hit our home. The Little Mr.'s came down with pink eye last week. I let it ride for a few days thinking it might clear up on it's own. No luck there, so in to the clinic we went. A perfect way to spend a beautiful Friday afternoon, cooped up in the little room with three kids and my friend Ms. K. sitting in the waiting room.

We capped that off with a trip to the pharmacy. Way too much fun. Later that night Ms. K. and I ditched the kids with The Mr. and went to the state fair. A much better way to spend an evening.

The weekend was filled with eye drops and whine. 2 per eye every four hours times four eyes. About 2 too many if you ask me. It was also one of those fabulous weather weekends. Unbearable hot, humid and rainy. Not great for sick kids. So, off went the Mr. to the movie mart.

We spent our weekend deeply engrossed in Star Wars. The kids have now seen them all and if you asked them, their lives are complete.

We woke this morning to find our Little Miss with a case of pink eye and The Littlest Mr. complaining of ear pain and a sore throat. Guess where I'll be spending today. A lovely repeat of Friday. Back to the clinic and pharmacy. Oh well, what can you do. Lucky for me, the movies are ours until Thursday.

Of course all this sickness changes schedules a bit, both nicely and not so. We'll cope. We always do.

And yes, I'm bouncing back from every one's departures. It's just like a summer scrape. It hurts like the dickens when you fall off, and then it stings like crazy when the air hits it after you wash it off, but then it scabs over and you move on. My friends are far from lost forever, they're simply on the other side of the country. In the end, not that big a deal.

Good Bye Again

Well, it's the second time in just 8 days that I've said good bye to a dear friend. It's a bit too much crying for my liking. It leaves me with a head-ache and a pain in my chest that isn't going to go away with a couple of aspirins. Every little while I think I've gotten a grip on the whole thing and I'm doing good and then I notice that I'm still crying.

It's a blessing to have such dear friends. It really, really is and I can't imagine my life without them, but it's still hard to let them not be near. I love having my closest friends near enough to touch. Who doesn't? Somehow, that just doesn't seem to be the plan for my life.

It's not that I don't have other friends here where I live. Or that I don't have anyone to do things with, I do. But there are those certain, special people that you just connect with in a whole different way. Those are the ones that always seem to have this need to be on the other side of the country.

And, they don't seem to be nearly as much of a big blubber-er as I am. Both of my friends were able to hug me good bye and say all kinds of wonderful things. I was either crying so hard I couldn't speak at all or not able to speak because I was trying not to cry so much. Either way, they were able to say all those special things to me, and I was quiet. Something to work on, I guess. I would love to have been able to say back to them that I loved them too. That our time together was some of the best times of my life. That they would be so very missed. Yet all I did was bite my tongue and sniffle. Or sob.

Perhaps someday, my fortune with friends will be different.

But for now, I'm just going to go get some more tissues.

Before And After

I just thought I'd give you a look at the before and after hair donation photos. Nothing too exciting, but there's not too much exciting happening around here.

We're busy as usual, but always in a good way. Today I'm looking forward to the arrival of Miss K. from the Lone Star State. We haven't visited in a little more than 2 years, so this is indeed special. It will be short, but very sweet.

We're enjoying what is being billed around here as the last of summer. Back to school stuff hit the stores two weeks ago and most of our neighbors will head back the end of this month. Hee, Hee. We won't return until after Labor Day. Good thing too, I still have some planning and organizing to do. I'll be officially teaching two grades this year, plus have our Little Miss under foot unless the courts have a better plan for her.