A Poem

Not mine. A classic. It describes how I feel about this day. There are miles to go yet on this journey I'm on. I can't see the path clearly. I'm longing to just stop and watch the snow falling. If I could capture that peace in this day.

It's been quite a day.

My life is perfect. Yet difficult.


Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost

Peace, Magic and Books

Baby girl is keeping us busy. She is mostly keeping me tired. I had forgotten how little they sleep at night while teething. Thankfully, the tooth is almost through and thankfully she slept through the night last night.

We were finally able to figure out most of her baby issues. She likes to be wrapped up tight, be warm, be full, be dry and in total darkness. We also figured out the correct amount of Tylenol. Too little is not enough.

She had one last night cap around 10:45 and was out until about 7:45 this morning.

Glorious.

Now, if I could just convince her she loves her medicine...

Life is good around here. We had a wonderful date on Saturday night. Typical for us. Dinner and a book store. Complete with coffee and a bag of books to take home. I got some great reads at bargain prices. The Mr. got some newer books.

I forgot what the big book stores are like. The selection left a lot to be desired. All through out the store were displays of the same books. Lots of book covers that made me thankful that the Little Mr.'s weren't along for the trip. Sometimes you forget how little people think about life and their world.

There is still plenty of drama in reference to past posts. I wish it were something I could make some sense of and something I could post about without it being gossip. But I won't go there. I'll keep it where it belongs. Directly with the people involved and at the cross. He'll know what to do and make my path straight.

We've changed tactics on school yet again. Bordering on unschool. Something I need to research. Maybe we're just loose unit studies people. Either way, there is peace in the house and all is well.

The "problem" if you have to label it that way is really that The Little Mr. is a creative soul like his mother. He just wants to create art, play music and write movies all day long. And so he shall, to a degree. I don't want to squash that part of him just so that he can complete calculus and chemistry when he's 17. He'll get to where he needs to be in his own way and his own time. My job is to help him and pray for him.

We'll be busy forging a new path at this house. Between school changes and Baby Girl, life just looks and feels different. She is pure magic in this house. And peace has arrived with the pressure off of our school days. Finally.

Wonder what was keeping me so pig headed and stubborn about school and this child? Was it American culture? The standards of the home school community? Something to think on for later.

Jen

Friday Recap

Friday!!

The end of a long week.

The Mr. has returned safely. Enduring, if not enjoying yet another business trip.

The Little Mr. has learned to burp on command. Quite an accomplishment when you are 81/2. I, personally, am overjoyed and oh so proud. I can hardly wait for the Littlest Mr. to follow in his footsteps.

I had my teeth attached yet again. We're hoping this version of sticky stuff will keep them on for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. The first stick-um lasted a mere 12 hours. I have about 4 months to go in this process. Patience and soft foods are key.

The Littlest Mr. has added something to his bed time line up. Usually it's the beloved and tattered blankie and the precious softy-cow (thanks Kathy!). Somehow, added to this list is a football. I have noticed that all this week, the football has been tucked under his arm at bedtime. Interesting. I thought his sport of choice was soccer.

The Little Ms. is cute as can be. I am loving every minute of her. She has a great smile, a huge laugh and is starting to figure out toys. She loves to be cuddled and kick her legs.

Finally, the dog is happy again. The Mr. is home you see. Does she love him best? Yes. But more important that being the favorite human in her hound world, he is the person who uses the leash.

Me? I'm looking forward to a little sleep. A snack or two to make up for the meals I missed in the chaos this week. Some time to clean up, organize and plan. Coffee that hasn't turned ice cold before I drank it. For me, it's the little things in life.

I'm also looking forward to a date tomorrow night. Nothing special, but nothing with the kids either. Just me and the Mr.

Ahh. All's right in the world for now.
jen

Not For The Faint Of Heart

The last two days have been hard work!

We've had a little dispute over returned phone calls. My mommy bear thing happened. In about 10 minutes I was able to resolve the prescription issue for our foster baby that the pharmacy had spent the last 24 hours working on.

The Little Mr. was in rare form yesterday. He wasn't able to tell me or perhaps didn't even understand for himself just what was going on. So he acted out. It's hard to have your dad away on business, be the big brother in a kind way, get a new foster sibling, and help mom with extra chores around the house. And on top of all that, do school. Something had to give.

The Littlest Mr. was OK with things I thought. Then there was bedtime tonight. He curled in a ball next to me and got teary.
Mama? he said.
Yes
I want to sleep in a cradle.
You can't sweetie, you're big now.
I want to drink milky out of one of those funny cups like a baby.
You can't, you're big now.

A few more tears.

But I want to be a baby, Mama.
But you're big now. Besides, babies don't have things like Lego's and Play Station. They sleep with just their blanket, no lovies.
I don't want that stuff Mama. I just want to be a baby.
Babies can't climb into their Mama's bed at night like you can.

Silence. Tears.

Did you know that God has given Mama's something very special?
Nope.
God gives Mama's extra big hearts.
Why?
So that we always have enough love to go around. I have enough love in my heart for you and your brother and your Papa and all the extra foster kids that God sends to us.

With that, he was sleeping soundly.

Sometimes the hard work of foster care is in your own kids.

Updates

The Little Mr. stays at home. Public school not an option.

A Little Ms. joined us last night. She is cute and should be with us a while if things go the way we expect.

The Mr. is off on business again.

My temporary teeth will be returned to my face this morning. Joy!

Post-op report excellent. Should be ready for the permanent teeth in about 4 months. Way ahead of schedule.

Another busy day here. Lots of trips around town for meds, lessons, appointments and church.

Life just moves fast in this house.

A huge get well to my nephew. We're so sorry to hear of the big sledding accident and hope the bones mend fast. We're also glad to hear you found some video games you can still play while following doctors orders!

jen

A Lesson Learned

I have just minutes to update. Perhaps I'll have more time later.

Here's the long and short of life today.

The Little Mr. will continue his studies at home.
Period.

Our school experience was short, but very educational.

School Days

This has been quite a day. Again.

I'm filling out all the forms to allow The Little Mr. to attend public school. Not awful to do, just very repetitive and time consuming.

I'm also making lots of phone calls. Lesson and appointment times need to be changed. Classes need to be cancelled. Letters need to be written to get refunds. It's a pain.

Then there's the school. We've only just begun and we're a little at odds. We disagree on which grade The Little Mr. should start in. Not fun.

The Biggest News

I almost forgot to mention it here.

There was more sledding to be had today. At the local elementary school. It's a great hill. Three big runs and two toboggan runs.

It jogged my mind though. The Little Mr. has some news. He'll be attending the above mentioned school for the second semester of this school year. He's very excited and should be ready to start in just a few days.

Home school meets public school. I hope we all survive it.

Off to the fire place for lounging.

Jen

Winter in Wisconsin

I really wish I could post here this morning and tell you that all the drama of my life faded into the sunset yesterday and life was calm.

Reality was a little different.

It was sort of like life exploded yesterday. There is far to much to think through to begin to share. So I won't. Instead I'll tell you about my night.

We had our kids and the neighbor kids for a fun night. First we played at home. Then we bundled up.

This weekend is the Janboree in our city. There is a large selection of winter fun. Ice sculpting, dog pulls, talent shows, sledding, lots of sledding and fireworks.

How much better could it be.

We went sledding.
I went sledding.
Airborne really.
It was quite exhilarating.
A sweet little girl and I climbed onto The Littlest Mr.'s new sled and started down the hill. A very steep hill. Then we got to the bump. Over and down farther. All the while gathering speed. Another large bump. Flying. Finally skidding across the school playground to a stop. If our sled had been metal, there would have been sparks.

Baby, can I feel it this morning.

And fireworks.

My favorite thing. And nothing better than seeing them shot off into the black sky of a Wisconsin winter night.

It was perfection.

A few more trips down the hill and we called it a night. More fun at our house and then everyone off to bed.

Winter can be marvelous.

It's a Drama, Mama

So goes the story of my days.
Yesterday had so much drama in it I don't even know where to begin. I think that's the key. I wont begin.
Most of the drama is silly stuff. Adults acting childish. Some people love drama and create it out of nothing. The hero thing. If I make this into a huge issue and then solve it and rescue the princess, my armor will be so shiny.
Personally, I think the whole thing could start to look and smell like a big pile of dragon dung.
That's just me though. I don't like drama.
Now, sometimes it's real and there's nothing we can do about it except our very best and pray it all comes out OK. One of yesterday's drama episodes was in fact very real. Nothing made up about a small child having an allergic reaction.
Some of yesterday left me questioning people's motives. I am generally quite good at reading people to know who is trustworthy and honest. Now, I have some nagging wonders. I'll be letting it all lie for awhile. Best to let things sort themselves out on their own and watch.
Makes me think of something The Mr's grandfather used to tell us. You can't learn anything if you're talking.
Be quiet and listen. You'll learn all kinds of things about people.
I'm hoping that today and the weekend will be a lot less exciting.
jen

School...but where

Today we are having a simulated public school day.
Why would a home school family do this you might ask?
Well, it's simple really. One of the Little Mr.'s believes that home school is just plain awful. Too hard. Too much work. Too long. And that teacher. She is way to mean and strict. So, we're off to our version of public school today.
In a few minutes, I'll be bundling him up and sending him outside to walk to school. Just as he would if he went to the local school. There will be lots of standing in line and a full schedule. I even have a lovely hot lunch ready to go. We'll be in class today from 8 to 3. Then we're off to piano and church.
Should be an interesting day. Home school isn't for everyone, and maybe it's not for him. '
Other topics. Another wonderful soup last night. When I get around to writing down what I did, I'll share it here. I'm looking forward to the left-overs of this one. Plus it was nice to look at. Carrots and butternut squash. Mmm.
I've been working on some other writing and I'll share it soon, if I get more than a minute to pull it together a bit. Right now, it's just scribbled thoughts in my book. Then I expect your comments. The plan after all isn't just to keep all of you updated on our boring little lives over here, but for me to not write in a vacuum.
I need to send someone to school now.
later
jen

Oceans and Teeth

Yesterday a dear friend gave me a suggestion. I am sure it was in jest. We share a certain quirky sense of humor. She said I ought to write my dental life story!
I know that gore sells, but...ick, a whole book of dental woes. I think not. I will share one gory detail though, if you are squeamish now is the time to scroll down...I'll wait for you to do it...This recovery reminds me of another one. In the beginning when this injury first happened the repair was as good as could be done. It's just that this sort of injury was uncommon and no real repair procedure was in place. What I remember most and am experiencing yet again is a very peculiar sensation. The part of my face between the bottom of my nose and where my teeth ought to be feels loose or smooshy. If I move my mouth or nose around too much there is the sensation of solid parts shifting that just should not be in movement. Now it makes perfect sense. Through this surgery we are trying to grow both soft tissue and bone where there really just wasn't any. It stands to reason that it wouldn't be too solid, yet it is a funny feeling. I'm trying hard to make sure it doesn't happen often. I want this to be the final fix for this injury. After all, it's been a lingering thing for about 20 years now.

If you were scrolling, stop here. Jump back in, but don't let your eyes wander above!
Here's where I'll tell you a sweet story of the Mr. He is away on business. Sunny, warm location. Yesterday, he called to tell me he had lunch overlooking the ocean. I said, nice. I shoveled. And shoveled. It kept snowing. I kept shoveling. He looked at the ocean. Hmm.
This morning though, the Mr. sent his love. By email, business style, of course. But wordy for him. I got a real thank you for enduring the snow and his recent health woes. A genuine thanks for helping to arrange his meals while away to avoid all allergy triggers. Most important though, without saying so, he told me I was special. And in his world of business movers and shakers, we have something they don't have. And it ain't a gold card, baby.
I'll be looking over my ocean of snow, while the Mr. looks over an ocean I'm sure he's dreaming of sailing on. It's all good.

jen

Soup and Snow

Time to get you all updated.
Thursday I had my surgery. It didn't go exactly as planned. I had to have a little bit more extensive work done. The plan was to put my temporary teeth back on following surgery. That part didn't go according to plan either. The swelling in my face is almost gone. My mouth is sore, but not awful. Ugly for certain. I have a post-op check with the surgeon in about a week. I plan to get my temporary teeth attached after that.
It should take about 6 to 8 months for a good solid heal to the soft tissue and bone graft. Then I'll be on my way to some beautiful new permanent teeth. Or at least, that's the story from the surgeon and the dentist!
Mom was here to help out and thank goodness for that. The Mr. came down with some sort of stomach thing and spent almost 3 full days out of the loop. He made it to the plane this morning and should be in Florida now.
I spent the morning shoveling out. I'd guess we got about 4 inches or so. I was too lazy to start up the snow blower. Big mistake. That was a lot of shoveling! It is still snowing. It was snowing while I was shoveling and hasn't stopped yet. We're not planning to leave the house until late Wednesday, so I won't shovel again until tomorrow. The Little Mr.'s were sledding while I was shoveling.
In the land of no teeth I'm living on a restricted diet. I know, big shock. Soups and smoothies for me. With a side of lukewarm coffee. Nothing too hot going into this mouth right now! Thought I'd share my new favorite soup. It's from Lucy's Specific Carbohydrate Diet Cookbook.
Tomato-Parmesan Soup
1 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/4 cups minced onion
3 pressed garlic cloves
1/2 tsp dill
6 cups tomato juice
2 fresh tomatoes, skinned and chopped
1/8 tsp fresh ground black pepper
1 Tbsp honey
Parmesan Cheese

In a soup pan, heat butter and olive oil; add salt, onion, and garlic. Sauté until onion is translucent. Now add dill, tomato juice, tomatoes, pepper and honey. Cover and simmer for 45 minutes.
Serve topped with freshly grated Parmesan Cheese.
Other topping ideas: fresh chopped chives, cilantro, green onion or a dollop of homemade yogurt.

It's easy and wonderful. Ask me sometime about homemade yogurt. Also easy and wonderful. You'll never go back once you get started.

Off to supervise school. The Little Mr.'s are watching Savage Sam. The library only had the movie, not the book. They were thrilled. Sometimes it goes that way!

Jen

Easy Come, Easy Go

Well, it's over. The twins are already gone.
A family member came forward to care for them and so off they went. We were all sad to see them go. After just a few days we had really come to love them. At the same time, the whole family is looking forward to a full nights sleep. The Littlest Mr. was happy to have his spot on my lap back.
Really, the timing couldn't be better. Tomorrow is the big dental surgery. I think it really will turn out to be a not so big thing. They tell me it's better than getting a root canal. I sure hope so.

So here's my long and short on foster care. It was crazy and confusing. I don't think I ever had the whole story from anyone. I did really fall in love with the kids in just a few days. It was heartbreaking to send them on. As teary as we all are tonight, with that tight spot in the chest, we would do it again in a heartbeat. I know that the next call will be just as wild and insane. And I know we'll take the child in. And I know we'll feel just as sad when that child goes. And then we'll do it again.

Tonight, I'll be falling asleep remembering my last snuggles with the twins. The way they would nestle up in my arms. The way they would look at me while they took their bottle. The way their soft little foreheads felt when we kissed them goodnight.

jen

Sleep..Or Not To Sleep

That was the question last night as we tucked in two tiny babies.

Twins, that is. They are now both here.

Lucky for me, it was a good night. They were in bed at a reasonable hour, were awake for diapers and food between 2 and 3, but then back to bed until 5:3o. For newborns, perfectly delightful.

This morning was a bit more crazy. I was still feeding and changing when I was to be making coffee and eggs. The Mr. is very hands on though. He was walking the floor with babies in arms. It was a sight to see.

After a while it all settled in. I even got a shower and a few minutes here. Next we're off to the pharmacy to get the medicine they didn't have last night. That should be a trip to remember. I'm hoping we can take full advantage of the drive through!

Jen

Homecoming

Little baby Madison came home last night. She is tiny and precious.

We expect to bring home her twin Michael later today. He is also beautiful and tiny.

These are the hold in one hand sort of tiny.

How long will we get to hold them and love them? Only God knows. We do know, that we will pray for them always.

jen

Welcome to Foster Care

Hurry up and wait!! That's the theme for today.

The twins will be spending yet another night at Children's.

They may be coming home tomorrow. We'll See.

Jen

Due Date

The twins will come home today.

It seems as though I will be going down to Children's myself this afternoon to pick them up.

I'm excited. I'm also expecting to be overwhelmed. These are kids with needs. It will throw a real wrench into our quiet lives and daily routines.

It will all work out the way it should. By God's grace.

Jen

An Ordinary Wednesday

I thought it would be an ordinary day. It was. Sort of. It was ordinary in the way that it followed the pattern of my ordinary days. It's just that my ordinary days are filled with extraordinary events.

After yet another rocky start to our school day, we settled in. Don't let anyone kid you about homeschool. It's not all field trips, great library books and snazzy software. Sometimes its down right ugly hard work. On the teacher side, I'd say pretty often it's hard work. Now I'm not saying I don't love it. I do. It's like anything good. You have to work at it and work for it. Magic moments with your kids don't just happen overnight out of the blue. It'd be nice if they did.

Today, we got to the worm. Right in the middle of the worm, as the Little Mr.'s are saying eww, gross, the worm is stinky, the phone rings. Now mind you, we're squeezing in the worm between doctor visits, groceries, piano lessons and Wednesday night church. Exacto knife in one hand, worm in the other I answer the phone.

Guess who?

The county. Nope, not in trouble for homeschooling. We're Foster Parents. This was a call for placement. Would we take in newborn twins?

Twins. Newborn. Think 5 days old.

I took the information and sat down. Looking ahead we have some fun this month. The Mr. will be traveling twice on business to far parts of the country. I will be having dental surgery. There is school. Several small groups. Swim lessons. Art & Phy. Ed. class. Piano lessons. Wow. A full month.

Twins. Newborns.

Should we? Could we?

Stay tuned, and I'll let you know.
Jen

Tolerance and judgement

We have a messed up view of tolerance.

I thought about this over the holiday break after a few conversations. It's amazing what people will say. I think most people just talk without ever really thinking about things. Of course, I think most people don't even know the first thing about themselves. That would require work. Work. That's another post.

We have this idea that tolerance is a good thing. We should just tolerate everything everyone wants to do. Usually this is in the context of misguided religion. You hear the person rambling on about how we shouldn't judge others, we shouldn't impose our values or standards on them, blah, blah, blah. You know what I'm writing, you've had these conversations.

But have we really thought this thing through? It could eventually look something like this.

We are a tolerant community. Your house got robbed? So sorry, but we need to be tolerant of other people's values. Some people just don't believe that you should keep all your stuff for yourself. Oh, your beloved family pet was tortured to death? So sorry, we're tolerant. Some people feel it's OK to abuse animals. Someone raped your child? So sorry, we're tolerant. Other people believe it's no big deal to have sex with a child.

Do we really want to be tolerant? Where ever you chose to draw a line and say X is not OK or legal is where the argument for tolerance begins.

I think it's a little scary to live in a society that values tolerance as much as we do. I think it's risky.

Now, don't misunderstand. I'm not saying that we should all run around judging each other. That's God's job, not mine. If you're doing something that isn't OK under God's law, that's between you and Him. My job is to love you. To encourage and instruct in love, not in judgment. I'm as much a sinner as you are, even if we have different sins. They all count the same.

I think we all miss the mark on this one, Christian and not. We all fall into the trap of confusion when it comes to the difference between tolerate and judge. We are all at fault when it comes to the tolerance thing. We've waited almost too long to think it through. Well, it's time to start thinking.
jen

Welcome to 2007

I really did plan to be here writing during the holiday break, but the Little Mr.'s still consumed most of my time. Then there was all the extra holiday stuff to do. Now that it's January and we're back to the regular program, I'll try to give a brief highlight.

As a little family, we had a rather nice quiet Christmas. Generally good fun all around. The Mr. took the week off, so there were extra afternoons in front of the fireplace and many extra board games with the Little Mr.'s. We did have a Christmas Brunch party with extended family. For me there were two highlights. The first highlight was doing short order with my dad. We made eggs to order, side by side at the stove. It was quite fun, and I think we got all the orders right. We came in under 3 dozen too! The other highlight was the older Mr. walking around the house declaring to anyone who would listen that this was a perfect party because everyone was happy.

We had other excitements over the holiday too. There was vomit. Dog and child. I'm sure it was a mom that invented the mini carpet shampoo-er. A great invention. There were projects with glitter glue. Need I say more? I finally beat the older Mr. at Stratego last night. He's pretty good for 8. There were newspapers and books, coffee and quiet times too.

We traveled twice. Once to Madison and once to Racine/Kenosha. Both for holiday fun. Twice was plenty, even though we had lots of fun.

Now, we're trying to return to the regularly scheduled life. Ha, Ha. There is nothing regular over here in this house. But we are back at it none the less. There are small joys in the long stretches of insanity.

I'll return to the regularly scheduled blog pretty soon too. I just need to collect my thoughts up from where ever I left them...

jen